Oh please do continue!
Two times in the first couple of sentences. And stories in the second person never work.
...mistakes than that - spelling, punctuation, word choice, tense. Man, you hit them all.
I hope so.... that was hot!
Why was he telling what happened to her if she was there with him and lived all that? So 1*
I hope chapter 2 -- and 3 -- are not far behind. What about the barmaid?
Hottest story ever!!!! Please write some more!!!
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English
Hot!
Oh please do continue!
It's 'you're', not 'your'
Two times in the first couple of sentences.
And stories in the second person never work.
There were more...
...mistakes than that - spelling, punctuation, word choice, tense. Man, you hit them all.
Continued?
I hope so.... that was hot!
Continue? I realy hope not!!!
Why was he telling what happened to her if she was there with him and lived all that? So 1*
I hope chapter 2 -- and 3 -- are not far behind. What about the barmaid?
Hottest story ever!!! Please
Hottest story ever!!!! Please write some more!!!
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Naughty Dinner Date or
More submissions by Peglegparrot.