You got me all drawn in ready for a lovely read then emptied the bucket - splosh - in about 20 lines. There is so much you could do with this story: you even bothered to flesh out the non participants just to abandon them - do over! There are a good ten Literotica pages in here if you put a little effort into it.
by
Anonymous02/24/15
please add more chapters
not being one to comment about stories much ...... i would really enjoy reading about the rest of the book tour...... like the other person commented you have a lot of "places" you can go with this story........ please do......
Mr. M. and myself might express our appreciation of your allmost tender way telling this story. Besides: The behaviour of a certain cock described in the story looks quite familiar to me. Even though so far I didn't find an author or authoress on LIT who disribed the same.
Hi there - thanks for reading and thanks for the comments.
Don't fear, I'm going to try and make this into a story cycle... different stories or chapters that involve various combinations of this group of 5 people... and maybe some fans of the authors who are met along the way.
Although Nathan will still be the narrator, I'm going to try and get out of his head a bit more in the other stories as well.
Thanks again.
SpinningWheels2
by
Anonymous03/01/15
Details
"Kneeling in my dress slacks and dress shirt between Marissa's legs". Leave out the "dress slacks and dress shirt." There's too much detail we don't need to know, such as the height, weight, hair color, occupations and clothing of every person mentioned when they never appear again in the story. I'm not sure why you did that, but it grinds things to a halt.
English
Welcome to the land of Missed Opportunities
You got me all drawn in ready for a lovely read then emptied the bucket - splosh - in about 20 lines. There is so much you could do with this story: you even bothered to flesh out the non participants just to abandon them - do over! There are a good ten Literotica pages in here if you put a little effort into it.
please add more chapters
not being one to comment about stories much ...... i would really enjoy reading about the rest of the book tour...... like the other person commented you have a lot of "places" you can go with this story........ please do......
Sharing the view of the other commentators
Mr. M. and myself might express our appreciation of your allmost tender way telling this story. Besides: The behaviour of a certain cock described in the story looks quite familiar to me. Even though so far I didn't find an author or authoress on LIT who disribed the same.
Hi folks
Hi there - thanks for reading and thanks for the comments.
Don't fear, I'm going to try and make this into a story cycle... different stories or chapters that involve various combinations of this group of 5 people... and maybe some fans of the authors who are met along the way.
Although Nathan will still be the narrator, I'm going to try and get out of his head a bit more in the other stories as well.
Thanks again.
SpinningWheels2
Details
"Kneeling in my dress slacks and dress shirt between Marissa's legs". Leave out the "dress slacks and dress shirt." There's too much detail we don't need to know, such as the height, weight, hair color, occupations and clothing of every person mentioned when they never appear again in the story. I'm not sure why you did that, but it grinds things to a halt.
Thoroughly Enjoyed Your Work!
Really great read and a great first effort. Please keep writing!
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