All Comments on 'Michael and Elizabeth'

Consider this a non-annony 1* bomb.

Well written, cannot see why you seem reluctant to finish this saga.

he should go see his kids. his kids did nothing wrong, punishing them for having a slut for a mother is wrong. just because you divorce your wife doesnt mean that you cant be a father to your children. also make sure when they get older that they know why he left their mother.

You give the barest possible details about the wife's cheating, the husband's reaction, throw in some details about his job, mention some ancillary characters- and think you've written a story that is so enticing, well known writers on this site will clamor to finish it? You are delusional. Finish your own story, or at least get to the middle.

Tired of so called writers who are too fucking lazy to FINISH their own stories!!! What's the matter? Get bored with your own story?

simply not developed enough for others to want to take the time to complete. This is well written and a promising start, but it doesn't need an ending. What it needs is a whole middle section, and then an ending.

Not even devolved enough to be a single scene from a longer story, it's also full of bad writing and stupid mistake. "Well, finding you in our bedroom with a men not me for starters"

Please, no one waste the time to finish this, this site is already flooded with enough BTB authors all repeating the same stories over and over and 'finishing' other stories, it doesn't need more derivative, boring, non-erotic crap. Just let this die.

and serious character development. Why was the wife cheating? Is it really as simple as her being selfish, stubborn and type A? Clearly, you have given hints to the effect that she may be all those things. She works for the UN, had to have an insanely expensive dress, argues to get her way, etc. but then again, those hints don't necessarily have to be strong character flaws that led her to cheat. Don't all "normal" women exhibit those character traits at times? Again, not enough character development to know what she is like. And, she didn't seem too interested in the sex her husband caught her having. Is that a clue to some interesting element, or were not enough details given in the first place? Maybe she was being blackmailed? Maybe she was using sex for some diplomatic purpose? The black guy doesn't come across as a UN dignitary - again, character development needed. The best one to finish this is you. But, like I said in my previous post, it doesn't need finishing at this point - it needs multiple chapters. This is a rich opening scene. Please don't let someone insult us with a single page retort that has him stepping away from her and simply telling her to go to hell - the end.

As the author states. Don't portray Michael as a wimp and loving cluck. Btb yes.raac when the wife experience painpain and show true remorse. Let the kids know mom did something seVere. Let a woman enter mike life. .. Good luck to the future writers who is willing to complete this

if memory serves me no likes "sloppy seconds" TK U MLJ LV NV

Come on, really?

So, what do we have here. A cheating wife and a husband cheated on and a scenario being set up to wimp him out. Author..get a life. Maybe "FinishTheDamnStory" will finish this because obviously this excuse of an author can't (or won't).

I'm chagrined too. I'm chagrined you didn't bother mentioning at the start that this was an unfinished piece. I wouldn't have bothered had I known.

I can understand now why you haven't written anything in LW for 10 years. If you start a story have the nous & gumption to at least provide some type of ending. Just imagine if Tolkien had stopped writing LOTR after the first book &, you, are definitely not anywhere near his class.

I hate stories where writers leave everything just hanging like this; you shouldn't expect other people to do your job for you. If I could give this a minus I would. 1*

...and I gave it 4* because this story provided an interesting start-off for further developement. C´mon, kdcee79 - do you really intend to compare both authors? You are here on Lit...Cuckerotica and not some kind of library. Many readers would be happy if they were able to actually understand some of these stories. They are angry because they could not process the introduction ("read the bottom") or the request that stated expressiv verbis: " My only request is for God Sakes, please, do not turn Michael into a whimp!" (right, "Anonymous"? No need for you to hide your identity, - being simple minded or lacking the ability to comprehend what is written in front of you is absolutely no reason to be ashamed. After all: Cuckerotica is the place they all come together...thousands of intellectuals a la Al Bundy (sorry, Al)

That being said I am looking foreward to the possibilities given here...maybe I´ll try it myself..

to the author... Possibly an ongoing situation..

I love your plea for other authors to not make Michael into a wimp when you have already made him a wimp. A wimp is someone who walks out on his children like he did. A man would have kicked the whore to the curb, maybe gotten a little revenge, but would have been there for his children. But what do you expect from an author who can't even spell wimp correctly.

Please give us another chapter-you and others!

I'd like to see both yours and other writers take on this story.

You need to finish this story. It is ok to give others a shot at what they think the finish should look like but you need to step up also and show your outcome inorder to have the outcome as the writter that started the tale.

This actually wasn't THAT bad, but even for an intentionally unfinished story there is too much left out:

What is behind her cheating? I believe she loves him, the fact that she wouldn't put her husband down even as sex talk with her lover is significant to me, so why?

What did he do to/with the President of Liberia? I'm sure it had SOMETHING to do with her cheating, presumably there was some connection between her lover and the Liberian President?

YOU need to either re-write, fleshing things out or add another chapter, before asking any other writer to finish it.

This site has a pretty established history of writers sponsering an invitational. In a sense, it is a way to measure the pulse of the current reading/AND/writing audience here. I think that this opener DOES have some interesting possibilities.

1)Mike has a high-powered job, but in his depression he is obviously taking foolish risks.

2)His boss/friend could be EITHER the friend that helps him get his head out of his ass....OR....the real criminal mastermind behind the destruction of his marriage. Either way his character gets developed, the boss/job situation will definately push the plot along.

3) The kids DO need their Dad, and this opening leaves PLENTY of room for Michael to reflect on just how much of his life is wrapped up in doing this: in reality, his most important job. Sure she is using them a lever right NOW, but isn't it really kinda more like a wake-up call?

4) Yes, her cheating is VERY ambiguous. This is a good move by Chagrined, because it allows for the PLOT to go in any number of directions. Since the case for BTB or RAAC HASN'T been made yet, this leaves room for either scenario.

5) This should probably stay Mike's story, narrated by him. This is his journey. But if the challenge accepting author is skilled enough, taking the story up from HER POV, could make this an interesting study of the female mind over adultery. I say this, because to pull THAT off, it would be best written by a female (Amyyum???). Any of the guys you mentioned won't or can't do the female POV enough justice to ultimately make it convincing to the broader audience here.

6) Chagrined also did a good job of setting the table for an emotionally packed drama. Obviously, too much humor or sitcom-style satire will NOT be appropriate. I think the best challenge for anyone who attempts this, will be to go beyond the saftey of stereotypes (right now, the fact that the guy she cheated with was black means that it was probably job related and NOT because she "just HAD to have" an interracial fucking with the stereotypical BBC) and all of the other usual fall-back cliches. But to do this, the real emphasis has to be on character development, NOT a just a politically charged action thriller type plot. Potential author's might take a lesson here from the response to FM's most recent offering. I think that this is the reason why Chagrined leaves off without supplying the middle section. THAT would be too restrictive to the next author's possibloe vision. Just ask FTDS. If TOO much of the story is heading in only one direction, it becomes that much harder to pull out a twisty surprise ending that satisfies, without being cliche.

Actually, I hope Ohio, or even Cpete consider taking this on. They have both done story continuations before, have haven't written/posted here in awhile. But shockingly (to some maybe), I think that possibly Britease would do a fair job with this. He has written some intriquing longer drama styled stories, and has a great grasp of the human condition. Plus, I see Michael more of a European, and the " 'merican" mindset just won't fit these characters as well as that of a brooding English chap will.

Thanks Chagrined for attempting the revival of the "Invitational". I too, am curious to see where anyone of LW's stable of capable authors might take this story. Hopefully, too much of the banal crap we've been seeing hasn't caused the abandonment of some of the more capable authors here. Even if they just weigh in with comments and opinions, it is still nice for me to hear from some of the "greats" from LW's "storied" past!

Thanks, and looking forward to it!

Barely there.

My issue is that, for purposes of the relationship, the important information is missing. How does she feel about her cheating? Why did she cheat? How solid was their relationship and how does that reflect on her actions? Is she dedicated to him? Was he emotionally there for her in her own life? We know nothing about them.

All of that is lacking and so this is more of a summary of a situation then a character driven story left for others to finish. The reader is left really not knowing these people (and I don't mean a long list of history) or their motivations at all. That makes it hard to care about them or why they should get back together or break up.

At best he seems a bit emotionally wimpy and she seems a bit smarmy. That's really about all I could tell about their characters from the bit offered.

Perhaps your finish will offer the insight and character development needed to make this more then a hiccup.

Francis_Toliver

A good mix of stories from BTB to a plausible scenario where he gets the kids and she kills herself would work. Or any combination where the cheaters are put out of their misery also would be appreciated.

You left out the reason why. Maybe he thought he was saving his life, but that is about the only thing that would lead, slowly, to a possible reconciliation. If he was in Security why did he let them complete the act? If there is any reasonable excuse he should have all read taken it account. Puting a family with three small children is utterly unconscionable. Looking forward to reading your and other people's endings.

I would like to say ''Welcome back to Literotica''

Ten years man! where were you.?

Good start, hopefully there will be lots of acceptances of your invitation.

In any case you should definitely publish your ending, sooner rather than later.

I think you should have given more background to Micheal and Elizabeth. Also I'm very interested in reading your version of the rest of the story! I also hope Michael is NOT turned into wimpy CUCK! Just not into it! Hopefully Elizabeth shows a little more remorse than just saying she is sorry and it's time to come home! That would not get me to come home!

I'm NOT an author so I will not be one of those who attempt to further this story, however if I could just ask a favor. To those who do write this story, please make the title such that it will be easy to find from a simple search, as I'm interested in reading more. Also maybe a little retaliation on Michaels part? Not a BTB, but not a sit back and forget about what happened either! And Why would a guy who screws another mans wife get away with no punishment? Just saying.....

and i hope the legends take a shot...

I always wonder what happens when you don't rate the story. I have never given a 1 rating because if I hate the story I don"t finish reading it or its not my type of story.

this story is missing allot. I really prefer the writer to complete a story and make it his own.I'm just a reader. I could think of many endings but THAT'S NOT MY JOB. I wish you would make it your own.

I gave the story a "1" for one reason and one reason only. You have no ending.

And you're not trying to be clever, you've made your point by asking for an ending. We'll see.

I believe very few authors will write a follow up. Of the 4 authors you mentioned I think none will participate.

So perhaps you won't wait too long before finishing your own story? Until that time, this story simply isn't worth reading as it has no ending.

Elizabeth appears to be a money grubbing BBC ho? Did I miss something there? Why assume the children are his, he knows she cheats and lies by omission, why assume they are his, get them tested? How was she paying the bills for six months? Who was the guy pumping sperm into her? Why isn't this story in IR not LW? Where is the medical testing since she knows she is doing bareback time to find out if she has given her husband and unwanted gift? Time to come home the children need you, where is her remorse, her grief, her supplication? Yeah this introduction isn't even worth a 1 but we cant give 0's.

Could you consider adding to your "Heart" series? You left many loose ends that could really form several interesting stories.

Also, to break the pattern, someone who picks up this good beginning needs to address why Michael did not try to stop the sex instead of watching it finish.

I always appreciate good writing and by my definition this qualifies. I would recommend getting an editor as there were several words and phrases that were incorrect. "Your" instead of "you're" which is a common mistake on lit.

The opening scene leaves all options open, which may be how you intended it. Since we do not know the thinking or motivations of the parties, in particular the wife, a reconciliation or a btb are equally legitimate continuations. Hopefully, someone will pick it up. Why don't you finish it and let us know your thoughts?

anon.1

That's because there wasn't enough setup and the ending was left open.

Why did she cheat? Was she being raped? Was she being blackmailed. What happened in Liberia?

Too many unanswered questions to give you a 5, although your writing is impeccable. Give us more than a single page of a single chapter with what actually happened and you'll do better.

If I were to do what you did, I'd be giving the opening half chapter of a novel I've written. How many books would I sell doing that?

A VERY BIG THANK YOU !!!!!!

Some of these `Complainer's .... errrr .... I mean commenters are to `STUPID` to learn how NOT to PISS into the WIND !!!! ...... Maybe they should go to the Chagrined submission page and take a look around ... What in the `HELL` are all those weird little red boxes with the strange white markings in the middle of them ? .... hmmmm.... One of the `Anonyfucks` sez you ain't posted nuthin in 10 yers, so go get back in yer coffin box and go back to where you came frum .....

Well Mr. Anonyfuck ..... Fick Sie very much for that recommendation.

Chagrined will take that under advisement I'm sure ..... At a later date.

If you can not tell I am a little pissed right now. I am sick of this `New Blood` coming into LW wives and acting like they run the freakin place. They show no respect whatsoever for anything or anybody... It's all

I,I,I ..... ME,ME,MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE !!!!

(Rant off .... temporarily)

Chagrined, Thank You for stirring the pot. I am sure I know the other reason behind this little jewel, but I will keep it to myself..... Might take a shot at this one myself.

Wedjat

i do it myself he does not have to see her just his kids she died in his mind and the kids should not have to suffer it is bad enough they have to live with her.

Like this idea and hope it works for you.

What could be really interesting would be if you got a number of persons to submit their version of the ending & you posted say 3 or 4 of the varying endings.

You have none.

I understood your sugestion, but the re some points missing: 1st - to end this story what do we know about the characters? 2nd - Why did she cheated? 3rd - For how long did she cheated? 4th - Could the children not being his? All we know is that he is a DSS man...The story is yours, you have chosen the characters, so you must inform everything about them...Then the invitation would be to end the story, and not to define what kind of people they were, for how long she cheated, with whom she cheated...2*

that I gave this a 5

I gave it a 3 because I thought it was pretty well written and the plot was a little bit original and I like BTB plots but the lack of and ending It really should have been a 1. Would really like to know how many time she made the "mistake" before and after the split up??

I don't really care to finish it. I'm not interested in the whining of some man who can't tie his own fucking shoes. Yes it sucks when women cheat but that is life. There is no excuse for abandoning his children. The paragraph excusing his absence because his heart hurt so much is the biggest lame ass excuse in the entire world. It's not really at all surprising that a woman would cheat on a nothing of a man like that. If you are the kind of guy who runs away and abandons your kids because you got your feelings hurt then I have to assume there are untold issues with your character to begin with. I'm sure there are hundreds of other issues that he was too spineless to deal with and they probably added up over the years to where he was a nobody in his wife's mind.

So you think your contribution is coming up with a first act, a first scene, and asking someone else to supply the wit and imagination to create a story that flows from that? Forget the cake analogy. This is like handing someone four tires and asking them to fill in the empty space between them with a car. And your contribution is, what? Oh, nothing. And you want to complain about 1 bombs? Sorry, but there's nothing here to criticize. The 1 bomb isn't for your story, its for your lack of talent.

I gave you a 3, as in - keep on writing, Finish the story.

There is simply not enough background for anyone to complete this story. Virtually a whole new story would have to be concocted. We don't know who the black man was or who she is in her professional or business life. We know what Michael does professionally, but what bearing could that have on what she's done? I really rated it too highly because of its lack of completeness even from a setup standpoint. I did so because of the tension created by her seemingly sincere invitation for him to return home, but is it home to her, or home to her location so that he can intereact with the children?

He gave a premise, a good one, for a story. He announced that it was his intention BEFORE starting. So I really don't know wtf is your problem.

Now, about the story, it is wide open, and offers a lot to work with. Obvious questions about the wife, about him and his children, and not so obvious about the Liberian president (related to the man the wife was with?), or what has harry to do with everything.

I would like to encourage Chagrined to explore his own story, as well as the rest of authors here.

Good day to everyone

Elizabeth didn't belittle her husband in bed with her boyfriend/lover/fling (not enough info to know) so she doesn't hate him but there is no indication in her actions that she really loves him either. You could almost say her actions in bed and in this meeting were premeditatedly clinical. Like she is an ice queen playing a game of chess, trying to plan out every move steps ahead. Did she wait this long to come up with a plan and to get those plans in place to get him back so her life can return to normal? In this final scene she is wearing just the right outfit with just the right amount of physical seduction while telling Michael it's time to come home almost like you would tell a child they have pouted long enough but now it's time to come home.

Michael seems very clinical himself but maybe that's just his way and is a function of how he carries himself because of his job. The explanation of why he hasn't spent time with his children after such a long period of time is inadequate and makes him come off as an uncaring douche of a father. As others have said as well, more details are needed with regard to the incident with the President of Liberia and some of his other work details to see if he is going above and beyond the call of duty to make visitors feel welcome or if he is getting careless/wreckless on the job.

There isn't even any information about the reactions of any of the participants to the infidelity at the time it happened to give a direction either. Did Elizabeth and her partner notice Michael being there? Did he say anything? Did he leave a note? Did Michael get pictures? How exactly did Elizabeth find out Michael knew she did anything if they haven't spoken since then and nothing was said?

All in all, just enough info was provided for a framework of a story but not enough to tell you anything about the job, family, or marriage when it comes down to whether Michael or Elizabeth really have any passion about any of it. It seems more like an extended version of a FAWC (Friendly Anonymous Writing Challenge) premise from the chain stories section.

Why ?

Because it is only a little pile of shit

not another story from a stupid author who invites "finish that damn story" to finish it his way. just don't publish your rubbish

keep up the good work!!

you ass wipe. I gave you thw writer of this story beginning another 5

You know this unfinished story isn't any good, but yet you rated it a 5. Meaningless and worthless as always. Dear bonnie, seems like your mouth is getting ahead of your brain. Chill it babe. Admit it dear, you love the anons. Who else gives you so much satisfaction? Your favorite asshole anon sweetie. Isn't this fun?

and finish your own damn story instead of leaving that to the readers.

But was greatly disappointed that you would not developing your own plot, consequences, and ending. I'm like you. I don't like stories that make the cheated on hubby into a cuckold wimp. And the black lover element will give it a definite shot in the arm. Yes, FTDS may finish it, and he usually does a good job. But I do want you to write an ending. I may even attempt it. 5 's for this first installment.

Good grief.

Good story in as far as it goes.

“Elizabeth, I’m not ready to come home,” Michael insisted. “At least, not yet.”

“Listen to me,” Elizabeth said, insisting that he look into her eyes. “I know you think you’re helping. Or maybe you think you’re getting revenge, and that you’re restoring your manhood or some other macho bullshit. But you are jeopardizing this entire operation. You understand that?”

He stared at her, unblinking, his eyes burning with rage. She stepped toward him, and after a brief hesitation, took him in her arms. His body stiffened in response, and she buried her head in the crook of his shoulder and caressed the back of his neck with her fingernails. Eventually, he relaxed, and allowed his hands to gently stroke her back. He closed his eyes and inhaled the sweet scent of her hair, forgetting for a moment all that had transpired over the past several months.

They held their embrace for a moment, and then she pulled away. Her lips briefly hovered near his, but then she pulled back further, separating completely.

“You understood what my job was all about when we first met,” she reminded him. “You knew the things that I would sometimes have to do in the line of duty. I told you that if you couldn’t handle it, then we shouldn’t be together. Do you remember that conversation?”

He exhaled loudly and nodded, running his fingers through his hair.

“I never hid this from you,” she continued. “I told you, upfront, what an ugly business this is, and the sacrifices we would have to make as a couple. I have never lied to you about that.”

“But you broke one of our rules,” he said. “I accepted that I’d have to make some sacrifices to be with you, and that our marriage would have to be atypical, out of necessity. I loved you so much, I was willing to make those sacrifices. All I asked was that you do it in a safe and healthy way, that you keep me out of the loop, and most of all that you don’t bring your work home with you – ever!”

She paused for a moment, allowing him time to calm down. “I know that, and I made a mistake. I have apologized a thousand times for that. I thought that it was unavoidable at the time, and I made a bad decision. I promise you it will never happen again.”

“I just…I can’t get that image out of my head. That man on top of you, thrusting in and out. Your moans of pleasure. The things he said about your husband never doing things like that for you.”

“You were never supposed to see that. You were supposed to be on the job.”

“I wrapped up early. Figured I’d surprise you.”

“Well, you didn’t need to stand there and watch. You nearly blew my cover. That man I was with happened to be an integral part of bringing down the Liberian coup. He gave me intel that has been extremely valuable in our efforts to quell that coup and return stability to that region. The United States has already made a major investment in Liberia, along with several other UN countries. All of that capital, and all of that effort, was in serious jeopardy of being wasted. If it hadn’t been for the intel I was able to gather—“

“I get it,” he interrupted. “I do. I know how important your work is.”

“Then you know you have to stop what you’re doing,” she responded. “You have spent the past several months publicly embarrassing the members of the Liberian assembly, including President Sirleaf. And I know it is because you know the man I was with was Liberian. You have to stop, Michael. You are not doing anyone any good by acting so childish.”

“Childish?” he yelled. “You fucked another man in our marriage bed! I am not one of those wimpy, spineless, cuckolds I read about online!”

Elizabeth turned on her heel and paced toward the window. “We are not going to rehash this yet again.”

“Were you attracted to him?” he asked. “He sure looked out of shape to me – at least from what I could see. Did he have a big cock? Did you enjoy having that big cock slam in and out of you like that?”

Even with her back turned to him, he could picture the wry grin on her face. That much was confirmed when she turned to face him.

“Do you know what attracted me most to you when we first met?” she asked. He shrugged his shoulders. “It was your confidence. Your self-assurance. You didn’t seem like the type of man who would ever be intimidated by what I do, and I found that incredibly attractive. But what you’re saying to me right now, that isn’t attractive. At all.”

“I’m not intimidated,” he asserted. “I’m just curious, that’s all.”

“Honey, you know I love you. I have always loved you with all my heart. I’ve never given you any reason to doubt that. I was recruited by the CIA straight out of high school. You knew what I did for a living shortly after we met. What I do for the agency is strictly professional. Do you honestly think I loved that man you saw me with? Do you honestly think that being with him that day changed anything about the way I feel about you? What happened to that self-assured young man I fell in love with?”

“I just…need to know. Was he bigger than me? Was he better? The way you were moaning…”

“That was part of my cover. Don’t you get it? I had to be convincing. I had to…”

Her expression suddenly changed, and she furrowed her brow and cocked her head to one side. Slowly, her line of vision fell, settling below his belt.

“Oh,” she said, returning to look into his eyes. “I get it now. You’re actually excited to hear all about it.”

“What? That’s ridiculous! That’s sick!”

“That’s the truth,” she noted. She walked across the room and squeezed his rock-hard cock through the fabric of his pants. “And right there is my evidence.”

“I…I’m not excited,” he protested. “I’m not a cuckold.”

“Shhhh,” she said, lowering herself to her knees and unzipping his fly. “You can’t get that image out of your head for a reason. You liked it. You liked seeing that big black cock slide in and out of your wife’s pussy, didn’t you?”

“No, that’s sick!” he shouted. Yet, he stood still and motionless, allowing her to place her mouth over his cock and slide her lips up and down the shaft.

“That’s why you just stood there and watched,” she said, stroking him with her hand. “You liked what you saw, didn’t you? And now you want me to tell you all about it. Don’t you?”

She returned her mouth to his cock, and he groaned in pleasure as she took it all the way inside until her nose pressed into his pubic hair.

“But I’m not a wimp,” he whimpered. “I’m not a cuck. I’m not a—“

“Shhhhh,” she said. “It’s okay. You’re protesting too much.”

Ratings are how you tell which stories are good or bad, it's why you know that cuckold and swinging stories don't belong in Loving Wives!! Now let's all brag back and forth about how we are giving this story nothing but ones or fives based entirely on being angry at other commenters!

Lit sure has a solid, reliable rating system to go along with it's worthwhile and constructive community of commenters :)

I understand you Chagrined you did that the Troubador offered to other authors a story idea to write a version.

Time for you to do that voodoo that you do so well :)

It may be in my version Michael goes back for some months to calm down the kids with similar condition as Unoriginalis's story no sex to sleep in the guest room and a step by step he restart the divorce (his first condition). It is the first the interest of the kids, but Michael and his wife try a common custody at the court with common agreement with free visitation rights etc. During the children timing action he is successful to kill the love and hate to Elisabeth together in his soul/heart/brain. During the saving children he does DNA test and this is the punishment to Elishabeth because this is the second condition is DNS test for his kids. In my story the central part of the story how Micheal becomes neutral to Elisabeth and how he finds a newer woman to live with her and he will have 2 kids with the new wife (1 girl and 1 boy) and they have a Civil connection to Elisabeth for sak of his kids.

My fetish to change a cheating wife to newer, younger, better and more beautiful (it doesn matter if the new wife is one legged amputee....) wife!

In my version it would not write ANR now!

I

I would like to see your ending

@swingerjoe your ending had to be like that...But for me it didn't ended the story...Made it even more dark...

"Dark", as opposed to killing off the wife, slicing off the black lover's genitals, buying billboard space to advertise the wife's infidelities, etc.? LOL..

Here I thought I was adding a little tongue-in-cheek levity to this story. Guess not. I did learn, though, just how easy it is to finish someone else's story. Hell, if I had tacked on a paint-by-numbers BTB ending, I could have become a Lit legend. Damn.

@swingerjoe...dark as we realy don't know what he will do, even being hard as she found out...Not dark as in BTB...Dark as we stay in the dark about what the real end would be...because the writer @Chagrined, begged to not turn him in a wimp...I would never ask for a BTB in this one because as I said there are a lot of uncleared matters in the story...And I didn't disliked your ending...I just said it was a an ending in your line of ploting a story...I hope you are clear about my comment...

Only its in your own mind. Childish ending dont you think joe? Tongue in cheek or not.Finish it for real Chagrined it has potential

First, there is the fact she was fucking a fat black guy, that alone is worthy of a quick divorce and even quicker end to this story.

Second, there is the fact that her husband is a wimp, and has not divorced her. That makes him an unappealing character.

Third, there is the fact that he is an irresponsible, sulking, selfish loser - he left his kids behind with a mother who fucks fat, black guys in their marital bed. That makes her an unfit mother and a pig.

So, neither character is likable, or even relate-able in any way - to any decent person. No offense intended, but who would want to spend anymore time with these fucked up people? Even their children are likely not to have fallen to far from the rotten trees that bore them. Yuck. Not all tales of adultery are worth telling or worth hearing.

Why write a story like this and leave out so much? Why this fat b guy fucking his wife who didnot seem into it. So he divorces her and never sees his children. Please give us a break and finish this and fill all the holes you left in this story.

You set up a good story line that has me wishing I had even a little talent in story telling. Unfortunately I have NO such ability so I am looking forward to seeing someone completing this. Thanks for sharing

Good set up and has promise, but too early to evaluate.

So why not fill in the blanks to this short story. You left way to much out. I see your style but I not getting this return after a 10 year absence. I hope your back for a long run this time . Put please fill in the gaps.

Leaving the cheating cunt was the right move but not ditching the kids unless he found out they weren't really his because she's been fucking guys their whole marriage. We all need a reason for fuck the out of shape black guy and did hubby do anything to him before he left. Do the kids know why he left and hopefully he stays strong keeping away from that slut. Do the next chapter yourself it's the best way to end it . After that others can try but it should be you now

Your story, your responsibility to finish.

If the public pick these up from 10 years ago your star will be up there with the best.

reheated the coffee pot and put it to good use, the cheating pair would have made a good target. (evil grin...anybody else got a better use for it??)

Why do all the anons who post in LW only degrade the wife for cheating (even if it were a sharing story)? Too many people wronged I guess? Story was not bad, sort of hard to follow with the flashbacks. It is an interesting perspective to take though. My only question is... are the italics required for the flashbacks? I think those are the reason for my trouble reading your story smoothly. 3*'s

You finish it!!

and this certainly is NOT. The beginning is the easiest part to write, even I could do it, it is the middle and end that distinguish the great authors from the wheat and chaff.

Pls dont write if you dont want to finish the story. 2 stars only cause the beginning is intersting.

Did he get his widdle feelings hurt? A real man would never have abandoned his children. No reason to finish this.

Michael is being TOO TOO POLITE to his cheating wife in this meeting with her. He should resolve in his own mind to make proper contact with his children in future but make it very clear to his ex-wife that she has forever forfeited the right to moralize to him. He hould also tell her to mind her own bloody business about Michaels boss' concerns. He should also make it patently clear that as far as Michael is concerned, from henceforth she can get fucked...BUT NOT BY HIM, and that Divorce papers are served...pending No Negoootiation.. And lastly he should tell her to remove her sorry ass from office NOW.

With a good ending , not a BTB story , like so many seem to want , but don't make it too easy on her .

You should do like Just Plain Bob did and have whoever writes the finish to this story Link it by making it a Chain story. Then after a suitable time you should finish it Your way No Matter who else writes it.

That is a pretty balance way to go. Would love to see the author agreeing to C_frommn

....so far. If he hurts so much, he wouldn't be very likely to tolerate her presence.

And WTF is she doing, suggesting that 6 months after walking in on her fucking a fat black man that, "it's time to come home"?!? She's lucky he doesn't toss her out the window of his 18th floor condo.

I guess someone will have to take up reigns and put this story to rights. It started out classical (read that trite) and went right into duh! with the polite conversation. It comes off sounding like a damn soap opera!

Really.

No scoring yet, just a reaching to FTDS. I'll wait and score FTDS when he finishes this story. He is looking at a possible 5 star and FAV. CAN HARDLY WAIT!

I am not sure that I want to see an end to this story, you painted the husband as a man who left out of anger to the point of abandoning his children, he didnt leave out of conviction because cheating is wrong, you also painted the wife as the all wise all calm who know her husband better than he knows himself and she is sure that she will get him back, you also inplied that the cheating may have happened for a reason and therefore can be justified and forgiven. Your plea to not make the husband a (wimp) is in my opinion, let him have his little (tiff) then he can come back to the loving beautiful wife which he still loves. no matter how i see it, you want this to end in reconciliation, so please DONT FINISH THE DAMN STORY.

I would throw her ass out the window and later tell the cops that she wanted me back. When I turned her down she committed suicide. OH WELL!

Forget that Hubby's job is interesting, and that Sweetie's choice of Bull was Black & outta shape, and that Hubby is living in a scenic apartment in NY, and finally, that he has done something which concerns his boss. This is fundamentally a generic set-up which a large number of LIT authors (some experienced and accomplished, others novices and raw) - who range in orientation from 'Burn The Bitch' to 'Reconcile At All Costs' - have ALREADY tackled, covering the bases very thoroughly.

The LIT / LW heavyweights should AVOID this challenge (issued by a guy who doesn't have the writing skill to include critical words, and who doesn't know when to use a singular noun!)

2* (I generally reserve '1s' for works designed to irritate and anger!)

Chagrined gave a very good situation:

1. A cheating wife

2. Children in distress

Whose are the best solution? Which authors accept the challenge.

I agree mostly with firas01 comments.

It is very hard to write reconciliation stories as there many emotional and moral issues to deal with.

So the husband is not a wimp, the wife cheated fir a reason, she knows him better than he knows him self, she has a plan to get him back, he is just dragging his feet on his future.

So is there a part 2 with more answers and a conclusion, or do we wait for FTDS to pick this up in a few years time !

Quite a strong start. Looking forward to reading endings.

If you can't be bothered to write and finish a story then don't bother posting a teaser. It's a shame as the extremely small sample that you did post was very well written.

It's as though having sex with the other man was something that she had to do related to her job, and it was something the husband should have known, given her attitude at the end of the set up. Take it from there all of you authors who are more talented than I am.

Very little beginning and even less of an ending. She tells him to grow up and 'come home'. Come home to what? Her; the kids; her and the kids; her, the kids and the BBC? This story lacks the all important middle. Nothing about the why of what she did. Is she just another slut for a BBC? Did he just runaway with no further communications with her? Given she's a slut, how does he know the kids are his? Why didn't he ask that question during her little 'talk', during which she says she was sorry. Sorry for what? Getting caught? Just another lazy writer that can't finish a story so he/she tries to make a game of it.

Nuff said!

Why the fuck would anyone finish this fucking crap for you? You didn't even write a story to finish you lazy piece of shit.

To fuck some piece of shit in their home, their bed showes their was no love, no bullshit can fix that. Did she tell her children, friends, family what she does when he's not home, this was probably not the first time nor the last, is she still fucking around. No way back from this, this would be burned into his brain for life, find a new slut, this one is not worth it.

But what you gave us was a slut, a nigger and a pathic joke of a husband, no story here, just something to piss on.

I like it do part 2

well now that all the haters have had there say I would like you to write the second part because no one feels the story like the original writer does.

My 2 cents is I hope he don't take her back, but gets his kids. .either way thanks for your work