Michael and Elizabeth

Incomplete

Consider this a non-annony 1* bomb.

Good start, I think you should finish this tale.

Well written, cannot see why you seem reluctant to finish this saga.

simple

he should go see his kids. his kids did nothing wrong, punishing them for having a slut for a mother is wrong. just because you divorce your wife doesnt mean that you cant be a father to your children. also make sure when they get older that they know why he left their mother.

You want someone to write an end when you haven't even got past the beginning?

You give the barest possible details about the wife's cheating, the husband's reaction, throw in some details about his job, mention some ancillary characters- and think you've written a story that is so enticing, well known writers on this site will clamor to finish it? You are delusional. Finish your own story, or at least get to the middle.

Tired of so called writers who are too fucking lazy to FINISH their own stories!!! What's the matter? Get bored with your own story?

Meh

simply not developed enough for others to want to take the time to complete. This is well written and a promising start, but it doesn't need an ending. What it needs is a whole middle section, and then an ending.

Not even devolved enough to be a single scene from a longer story, it's also full of bad writing and stupid mistake. "Well, finding you in our bedroom with a men not me for starters"

Please, no one waste the time to finish this, this site is already flooded with enough BTB authors all repeating the same stories over and over and 'finishing' other stories, it doesn't need more derivative, boring, non-erotic crap. Just let this die.

Needs multiple chapters

and serious character development. Why was the wife cheating? Is it really as simple as her being selfish, stubborn and type A? Clearly, you have given hints to the effect that she may be all those things. She works for the UN, had to have an insanely expensive dress, argues to get her way, etc. but then again, those hints don't necessarily have to be strong character flaws that led her to cheat. Don't all "normal" women exhibit those character traits at times? Again, not enough character development to know what she is like. And, she didn't seem too interested in the sex her husband caught her having. Is that a clue to some interesting element, or were not enough details given in the first place? Maybe she was being blackmailed? Maybe she was using sex for some diplomatic purpose? The black guy doesn't come across as a UN dignitary - again, character development needed. The best one to finish this is you. But, like I said in my previous post, it doesn't need finishing at this point - it needs multiple chapters. This is a rich opening scene. Please don't let someone insult us with a single page retort that has him stepping away from her and simply telling her to go to hell - the end.

great ingredient to a long story.

As the author states. Don't portray Michael as a wimp and loving cluck. Btb yes.raac when the wife experience painpain and show true remorse. Let the kids know mom did something seVere. Let a woman enter mike life. .. Good luck to the future writers who is willing to complete this

PLOTS FOR A STORY 101

if memory serves me no likes "sloppy seconds" TK U MLJ LV NV

Really?

Come on, really?

Clearly a "1."

So, what do we have here. A cheating wife and a husband cheated on and a scenario being set up to wimp him out. Author..get a life. Maybe "FinishTheDamnStory" will finish this because obviously this excuse of an author can't (or won't).

Apt name

I'm chagrined too. I'm chagrined you didn't bother mentioning at the start that this was an unfinished piece. I wouldn't have bothered had I known.

Author, rubbish; plot, good

I can understand now why you haven't written anything in LW for 10 years. If you start a story have the nous & gumption to at least provide some type of ending. Just imagine if Tolkien had stopped writing LOTR after the first book &, you, are definitely not anywhere near his class.
I hate stories where writers leave everything just hanging like this; you shouldn't expect other people to do your job for you. If I could give this a minus I would. 1*

I do not agree with those critiques below...

...and I gave it 4* because this story provided an interesting start-off for further developement. C´mon, kdcee79 - do you really intend to compare both authors? You are here on Lit...Cuckerotica and not some kind of library. Many readers would be happy if they were able to actually understand some of these stories. They are angry because they could not process the introduction ("read the bottom") or the request that stated expressiv verbis: " My only request is for God Sakes, please, do not turn Michael into a whimp!" (right, "Anonymous"? No need for you to hide your identity, - being simple minded or lacking the ability to comprehend what is written in front of you is absolutely no reason to be ashamed. After all: Cuckerotica is the place they all come together...thousands of intellectuals a la Al Bundy (sorry, Al)
That being said I am looking foreward to the possibilities given here...maybe I´ll try it myself..

I take this as a close event

to the author... Possibly an ongoing situation..

Hilarious

I love your plea for other authors to not make Michael into a wimp when you have already made him a wimp. A wimp is someone who walks out on his children like he did. A man would have kicked the whore to the curb, maybe gotten a little revenge, but would have been there for his children. But what do you expect from an author who can't even spell wimp correctly.

A Start!

Please give us another chapter-you and others!

both

I'd like to see both yours and other writers take on this story.

The unfunished story

You need to finish this story. It is ok to give others a shot at what they think the finish should look like but you need to step up also and show your outcome inorder to have the outcome as the writter that started the tale.

Sorry, One Star

This actually wasn't THAT bad, but even for an intentionally unfinished story there is too much left out:

What is behind her cheating? I believe she loves him, the fact that she wouldn't put her husband down even as sex talk with her lover is significant to me, so why?

What did he do to/with the President of Liberia? I'm sure it had SOMETHING to do with her cheating, presumably there was some connection between her lover and the Liberian President?

YOU need to either re-write, fleshing things out or add another chapter, before asking any other writer to finish it.

The "invitation" WAS IN THE TITLE TAGLINE LINE, you blind bastards!!

This site has a pretty established history of writers sponsering an invitational. In a sense, it is a way to measure the pulse of the current reading/AND/writing audience here. I think that this opener DOES have some interesting possibilities.
1)Mike has a high-powered job, but in his depression he is obviously taking foolish risks.
2)His boss/friend could be EITHER the friend that helps him get his head out of his ass....OR....the real criminal mastermind behind the destruction of his marriage. Either way his character gets developed, the boss/job situation will definately push the plot along.
3) The kids DO need their Dad, and this opening leaves PLENTY of room for Michael to reflect on just how much of his life is wrapped up in doing this: in reality, his most important job. Sure she is using them a lever right NOW, but isn't it really kinda more like a wake-up call?
4) Yes, her cheating is VERY ambiguous. This is a good move by Chagrined, because it allows for the PLOT to go in any number of directions. Since the case for BTB or RAAC HASN'T been made yet, this leaves room for either scenario.
5) This should probably stay Mike's story, narrated by him. This is his journey. But if the challenge accepting author is skilled enough, taking the story up from HER POV, could make this an interesting study of the female mind over adultery. I say this, because to pull THAT off, it would be best written by a female (Amyyum???). Any of the guys you mentioned won't or can't do the female POV enough justice to ultimately make it convincing to the broader audience here.
6) Chagrined also did a good job of setting the table for an emotionally packed drama. Obviously, too much humor or sitcom-style satire will NOT be appropriate. I think the best challenge for anyone who attempts this, will be to go beyond the saftey of stereotypes (right now, the fact that the guy she cheated with was black means that it was probably job related and NOT because she "just HAD to have" an interracial fucking with the stereotypical BBC) and all of the other usual fall-back cliches. But to do this, the real emphasis has to be on character development, NOT a just a politically charged action thriller type plot. Potential author's might take a lesson here from the response to FM's most recent offering. I think that this is the reason why Chagrined leaves off without supplying the middle section. THAT would be too restrictive to the next author's possibloe vision. Just ask FTDS. If TOO much of the story is heading in only one direction, it becomes that much harder to pull out a twisty surprise ending that satisfies, without being cliche.

Actually, I hope Ohio, or even Cpete consider taking this on. They have both done story continuations before, have haven't written/posted here in awhile. But shockingly (to some maybe), I think that possibly Britease would do a fair job with this. He has written some intriquing longer drama styled stories, and has a great grasp of the human condition. Plus, I see Michael more of a European, and the " 'merican" mindset just won't fit these characters as well as that of a brooding English chap will.

Thanks Chagrined for attempting the revival of the "Invitational". I too, am curious to see where anyone of LW's stable of capable authors might take this story. Hopefully, too much of the banal crap we've been seeing hasn't caused the abandonment of some of the more capable authors here. Even if they just weigh in with comments and opinions, it is still nice for me to hear from some of the "greats" from LW's "storied" past!

Thanks, and looking forward to it!

A Beginning

Barely there.

While an interesting start

My issue is that, for purposes of the relationship, the important information is missing. How does she feel about her cheating? Why did she cheat? How solid was their relationship and how does that reflect on her actions? Is she dedicated to him? Was he emotionally there for her in her own life? We know nothing about them.

All of that is lacking and so this is more of a summary of a situation then a character driven story left for others to finish. The reader is left really not knowing these people (and I don't mean a long list of history) or their motivations at all. That makes it hard to care about them or why they should get back together or break up.

At best he seems a bit emotionally wimpy and she seems a bit smarmy. That's really about all I could tell about their characters from the bit offered.

Perhaps your finish will offer the insight and character development needed to make this more then a hiccup.

Francis_Toliver

A fair start to what could be a great story [hopefully not RAAC].

A good mix of stories from BTB to a plausible scenario where he gets the kids and she kills herself would work. Or any combination where the cheaters are put out of their misery also would be appreciated.

NICE SETTING

You left out the reason why. Maybe he thought he was saving his life, but that is about the only thing that would lead, slowly, to a possible reconciliation. If he was in Security why did he let them complete the act? If there is any reasonable excuse he should have all read taken it account. Puting a family with three small children is utterly unconscionable. Looking forward to reading your and other people's endings.

Firstly

I would like to say ''Welcome back to Literotica''
Ten years man! where were you.?
Good start, hopefully there will be lots of acceptances of your invitation.
In any case you should definitely publish your ending, sooner rather than later.

I like your setup, however

I think you should have given more background to Micheal and Elizabeth. Also I'm very interested in reading your version of the rest of the story! I also hope Michael is NOT turned into wimpy CUCK! Just not into it! Hopefully Elizabeth shows a little more remorse than just saying she is sorry and it's time to come home! That would not get me to come home!

I'm NOT an author so I will not be one of those who attempt to further this story, however if I could just ask a favor. To those who do write this story, please make the title such that it will be easy to find from a simple search, as I'm interested in reading more. Also maybe a little retaliation on Michaels part? Not a BTB, but not a sit back and forget about what happened either! And Why would a guy who screws another mans wife get away with no punishment? Just saying.....

please continue

and i hope the legends take a shot...

no rating?

I always wonder what happens when you don't rate the story. I have never given a 1 rating because if I hate the story I don"t finish reading it or its not my type of story.
this story is missing allot. I really prefer the writer to complete a story and make it his own.I'm just a reader. I could think of many endings but THAT'S NOT MY JOB. I wish you would make it your own.

I don't consider giving you a "1" as bombing you.

I gave the story a "1" for one reason and one reason only. You have no ending.
And you're not trying to be clever, you've made your point by asking for an ending. We'll see.
I believe very few authors will write a follow up. Of the 4 authors you mentioned I think none will participate.
So perhaps you won't wait too long before finishing your own story? Until that time, this story simply isn't worth reading as it has no ending.

annony? 1bombs? why would you expect that, maybe for a miss leading story, maybe for ducking out, maybe cause you cant find a solution?

Elizabeth appears to be a money grubbing BBC ho? Did I miss something there? Why assume the children are his, he knows she cheats and lies by omission, why assume they are his, get them tested? How was she paying the bills for six months? Who was the guy pumping sperm into her? Why isn't this story in IR not LW? Where is the medical testing since she knows she is doing bareback time to find out if she has given her husband and unwanted gift? Time to come home the children need you, where is her remorse, her grief, her supplication? Yeah this introduction isn't even worth a 1 but we cant give 0's.

In the Meantime

Could you consider adding to your "Heart" series? You left many loose ends that could really form several interesting stories.

Also, to break the pattern, someone who picks up this good beginning needs to address why Michael did not try to stop the sex instead of watching it finish.

Good Effort

I always appreciate good writing and by my definition this qualifies. I would recommend getting an editor as there were several words and phrases that were incorrect. "Your" instead of "you're" which is a common mistake on lit.

The opening scene leaves all options open, which may be how you intended it. Since we do not know the thinking or motivations of the parties, in particular the wife, a reconciliation or a btb are equally legitimate continuations. Hopefully, someone will pick it up. Why don't you finish it and let us know your thoughts?

anon.1

I gave you a 3

That's because there wasn't enough setup and the ending was left open.

Why did she cheat? Was she being raped? Was she being blackmailed. What happened in Liberia?

Too many unanswered questions to give you a 5, although your writing is impeccable. Give us more than a single page of a single chapter with what actually happened and you'll do better.

If I were to do what you did, I'd be giving the opening half chapter of a novel I've written. How many books would I sell doing that?

RE: The "invitation" WAS IN THE TITLE TAGLINE LINE, you blind bastards!!

A VERY BIG THANK YOU !!!!!!

Some of these `Complainer's .... errrr .... I mean commenters are to `STUPID` to learn how NOT to PISS into the WIND !!!! ...... Maybe they should go to the Chagrined submission page and take a look around ... What in the `HELL` are all those weird little red boxes with the strange white markings in the middle of them ? .... hmmmm.... One of the `Anonyfucks` sez you ain't posted nuthin in 10 yers, so go get back in yer coffin box and go back to where you came frum .....

Well Mr. Anonyfuck ..... Fick Sie very much for that recommendation.
Chagrined will take that under advisement I'm sure ..... At a later date.

If you can not tell I am a little pissed right now. I am sick of this `New Blood` coming into LW wives and acting like they run the freakin place. They show no respect whatsoever for anything or anybody... It's all

I,I,I ..... ME,ME,MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE !!!!

(Rant off .... temporarily)

Chagrined, Thank You for stirring the pot. I am sure I know the other reason behind this little jewel, but I will keep it to myself..... Might take a shot at this one myself.

Wedjat

very simple ending

i do it myself he does not have to see her just his kids she died in his mind and the kids should not have to suffer it is bad enough they have to live with her.

Interesting concept

Like this idea and hope it works for you.

What could be really interesting would be if you got a number of persons to submit their version of the ending & you posted say 3 or 4 of the varying endings.

Imagination

You have none.

I understood your sugestion, but...

I understood your sugestion, but the re some points missing: 1st - to end this story what do we know about the characters? 2nd - Why did she cheated? 3rd - For how long did she cheated? 4th - Could the children not being his? All we know is that he is a DSS man...The story is yours, you have chosen the characters, so you must inform everything about them...Then the invitation would be to end the story, and not to define what kind of people they were, for how long she cheated, with whom she cheated...2*

and you have a brain tumor dear annony!! I see you don't put your name in here anywhere and I'm sure you haven't written anything but your little bitching comments So for

that I gave this a 5

If you write a story then finish it!!!

I gave it a 3 because I thought it was pretty well written and the plot was a little bit original and I like BTB plots but the lack of and ending It really should have been a 1. Would really like to know how many time she made the "mistake" before and after the split up??

I don't really care to finish it. I'm not interested in the whining of some man who can't tie his own fucking shoes. Yes it sucks when women cheat but that is life. There is no excuse for abandoning his children. The paragraph excusing his absence because his heart hurt so much is the biggest lame ass excuse in the entire world. It's not really at all surprising that a woman would cheat on a nothing of a man like that. If you are the kind of guy who runs away and abandons your kids because you got your feelings hurt then I have to assume there are untold issues with your character to begin with. I'm sure there are hundreds of other issues that he was too spineless to deal with and they probably added up over the years to where he was a nobody in his wife's mind.

Isn't this like mixing part of the ingredients for a cake, then handing the bowl to someone else and saying, here, you finish it?

So you think your contribution is coming up with a first act, a first scene, and asking someone else to supply the wit and imagination to create a story that flows from that? Forget the cake analogy. This is like handing someone four tires and asking them to fill in the empty space between them with a car. And your contribution is, what? Oh, nothing. And you want to complain about 1 bombs? Sorry, but there's nothing here to criticize. The 1 bomb isn't for your story, its for your lack of talent.

Finish it

I gave you a 3, as in - keep on writing, Finish the story.

Not Enough

There is simply not enough background for anyone to complete this story. Virtually a whole new story would have to be concocted. We don't know who the black man was or who she is in her professional or business life. We know what Michael does professionally, but what bearing could that have on what she's done? I really rated it too highly because of its lack of completeness even from a setup standpoint. I did so because of the tension created by her seemingly sincere invitation for him to return home, but is it home to her, or home to her location so that he can intereact with the children?

Chagrined provided a set up

He gave a premise, a good one, for a story. He announced that it was his intention BEFORE starting. So I really don't know wtf is your problem.
Now, about the story, it is wide open, and offers a lot to work with. Obvious questions about the wife, about him and his children, and not so obvious about the Liberian president (related to the man the wife was with?), or what has harry to do with everything.
I would like to encourage Chagrined to explore his own story, as well as the rest of authors here.

Good day to everyone

FAWC framework?

Elizabeth didn't belittle her husband in bed with her boyfriend/lover/fling (not enough info to know) so she doesn't hate him but there is no indication in her actions that she really loves him either. You could almost say her actions in bed and in this meeting were premeditatedly clinical. Like she is an ice queen playing a game of chess, trying to plan out every move steps ahead. Did she wait this long to come up with a plan and to get those plans in place to get him back so her life can return to normal? In this final scene she is wearing just the right outfit with just the right amount of physical seduction while telling Michael it's time to come home almost like you would tell a child they have pouted long enough but now it's time to come home.

Michael seems very clinical himself but maybe that's just his way and is a function of how he carries himself because of his job. The explanation of why he hasn't spent time with his children after such a long period of time is inadequate and makes him come off as an uncaring douche of a father. As others have said as well, more details are needed with regard to the incident with the President of Liberia and some of his other work details to see if he is going above and beyond the call of duty to make visitors feel welcome or if he is getting careless/wreckless on the job.

There isn't even any information about the reactions of any of the participants to the infidelity at the time it happened to give a direction either. Did Elizabeth and her partner notice Michael being there? Did he say anything? Did he leave a note? Did Michael get pictures? How exactly did Elizabeth find out Michael knew she did anything if they haven't spoken since then and nothing was said?

All in all, just enough info was provided for a framework of a story but not enough to tell you anything about the job, family, or marriage when it comes down to whether Michael or Elizabeth really have any passion about any of it. It seems more like an extended version of a FAWC (Friendly Anonymous Writing Challenge) premise from the chain stories section.

Sure a wonderful 1*

Why ?
Because it is only a little pile of shit

oh no

not another story from a stupid author who invites "finish that damn story" to finish it his way. just don't publish your rubbish