I like what I am reading so far. I just hope Greg doesn't become what he hated...a bully. I really hope Noelle somehow gets her and Greg ends up with Holly and/or Candi.
I like the story well enough, but I hope you have a plan and already know where this is going and not just figuring out the next PAGE as you sit down. Its hard to get too excited about a story that you know is only going to be a pg then wait again for the next pg. Try a couple pages, bring the story into a developed story that will be enough to set well into the psyche that the readers start their day off by looking for your story with the morning coffee. thanks for the read though.I hope to see longer chapters. / bill
Very good story so far. I think that Noell has strong feelings even love for Greg but doesn't know how to show it, hence her act of forcing her brother to love her. Holly I think is completely in love with her brother and is desperately waiting for a sign from him that he feels the same. I think if Greg gets one of the hot girls at school, you will see Holly jealously come out and she'll make ever effort to have her brother. Holly and Greg belong together happily forever, but the wild card here is Noell. I look she gave Greg after he told her off could be very telling, like I said before she has deep feelings there but can't express them properly. Oh I forgot Candi and Mike they should be together, and Candi shouldn't be use to get in between Greg and Holly and potentially Noell. So that's my two cents. I love the story and can't wait to she how this turns out. Thank you keep up the great work
English
So far, so good.
I like what I am reading so far. I just hope Greg doesn't become what he hated...a bully. I really hope Noelle somehow gets her and Greg ends up with Holly and/or Candi.
GOOD POTENTIAL
I like the story well enough, but I hope you have a plan and already know where this is going and not just figuring out the next PAGE as you sit down. Its hard to get too excited about a story that you know is only going to be a pg then wait again for the next pg. Try a couple pages, bring the story into a developed story that will be enough to set well into the psyche that the readers start their day off by looking for your story with the morning coffee. thanks for the read though.I hope to see longer chapters. / bill
Very good story so far. I think that Noell has strong feelings even love for Greg but doesn't know how to show it, hence her act of forcing her brother to love her. Holly I think is completely in love with her brother and is desperately waiting for a sign from him that he feels the same. I think if Greg gets one of the hot girls at school, you will see Holly jealously come out and she'll make ever effort to have her brother. Holly and Greg belong together happily forever, but the wild card here is Noell. I look she gave Greg after he told her off could be very telling, like I said before she has deep feelings there but can't express them properly. Oh I forgot Candi and Mike they should be together, and Candi shouldn't be use to get in between Greg and Holly and potentially Noell. So that's my two cents. I love the story and can't wait to she how this turns out. Thank you keep up the great work
not bad,! for back ground info
Sorry to rip your "story"
But it was all back ground information!!
Im not saying do t continue writing!
But it ended and I was looking for the story to start!
I agree with everybody else
Overall it is good. Make it longer, this has so much potential. Just make it longer and it will be an amazing read.
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