Just One Kiss

Overuse

I real overuse of the word like prevented me from making it through the whole story

Story had potential, if written in English.

The concept was good. The writing was atrocious. I also couldn't make it through.
Try it again in English, with nouns verbs and proper flow.

I like couldn't like follow the sentence structure. Its like really hard to read and like it feels like they were like how many times I can I like say like, boner killer.

i guess you 2 anon didnt live thru the valley girl fad of the late 80s when teens girls actually talked like that.

Blah

Clearly a 1 star. Author obviously failed basic writing course in high school.

!

Some... *interesting* responses to this one! I'm sorry that it was not to everybody's taste, and that its somewhat idosyncratic monologue-style prose has put some people off. Rest assured, I do know about syntax, punctuation, pace and all the rest. It was written in a very purposeful style, which has obviously put some people off. (TThat said, I do not care too much if it was a "boner killer" as it was not necessarily intended for men. Nor did I think much to personal slights about my academic background, which feels irrelevant here. But, to be as obnoxious as they were? I'm a published author of both fiction and non-fiction under my real name outside of this website, and have a post-graduate qualification in English Literature. Please don't assume you know me.)

5 Stars

I got the valley girl fad right away. the story was sexy, new, interesting. Instant bookmark and an erotic fatvorite. I dont mind the granmmer and spelling since i just mentally autocorrect it. 5 stars

Too clever?

I thought it was excellent and evocative but possibly challenging for some readers. I'm reminded that a lot of people find the novels of James Joyce hard to read. It takes great skill to pull off something like this and I vote it a success.

Bravo

Just... bravo

If only you could've limted your use of the word "like"...

...to, I don't know, less than once per sentence, on average? I understand you're creating a persona, but a genuine valley girl living in the 1980s would've choked over using this word that often.

Other than that annoyance, I thought this was a very good, seriously arousing story.

Looking forward to seeing what else you're going to write.

I got it.

Yeah, I agree with the author. I'm surprised at all the negative comments about the quality of the writing. It's obviously intentional. It may not be to one's taste, but one should be able to discern the difference between bad writing and intentional prose.

like, like like it!

Well done! Criticizing this work for its style is crazy. This is very good writing. Keep it up.

It made me think of my first lesbian kiss

Forty plus years ago now. And it made me go to Jeanne for some relief.

Jen