This is totally me right now, I have this battle every day and no one knows. It's nice to know that I'm not alone, and that I'm not the only one who has to hide it.
I struggle with that, often. It used to be worse when I was very involved with my old church...
Back when I was in high school, I wanted nothing more than to be a good little Christian girl who kept her nose clean, and her thoughts pure. But every day, I found my panties soaked, and my mind wandering. My thoughts would turn to things like ditching class to go masturbate somewhere private on campus, flirting with teachers, fucking acquaintances in their car during lunch, staying after school and being fucked by my two favorite teachers, (sometimes at the same time.) My notebooks and diaries hid my erotic poetry and stories I would write at school and get off to, locked in my bedroom. For years, I thumbed through Charles Bukowski's novel, Women. The first time I ever made myself cum, was to a passage from that book, and I remember everything. The passage has stuck with me to this day.
Eventually, I started embracing my sexuality, began to shed my guilt, and enjoy my lust and my body. I still find myself battling my inner demons, sometimes going so far as to try and swear off porn and Lit, at least temporarily, but I never do, and that's okay. I don't truly want to. I want to embrace my sexuality and my lust, wholly and fully. I no longer feel overwhelming guilt for watching strangers jerk off, imagining it's for me, (and sometimes, even saying, "Thank you," because I'm a polite pervert!) I enjoy listening to Lit while I'm studying, or even at my college, between classes. It's thrilling to squirm and shift in my seat, as innocent strangers, friends, and professors, walk by, none of them knowing my little secret.
Is that to say I don't feel some guilt, or some doubt in myself? Not at all. It's simply become manageable. Society has taught many of us that sex and lust are horrible, taboo things, never to be discussed and rarely to be enjoyed...that pleasure is something to feel guilt over. It simply isn't true. Not one person on this site, at least in my opinion, should ever feel guilt for having desires. No one should be ashamed for having lust. No one should dislike themselves because he or she has kinks! No one should. But, many of us do, and that's okay. Nothing is ever black or white. It's sites and communities like Lit, and authors, like Anonymous_stranger, who help remind us we aren't alone.
It's people like you, Daddy, who make me glad I joined Lit. Thank you for reminding your fans and followers that, not only is it okay to have their lust and desires, but that it's okay to battle it sometimes, too.
by
Anonymous03/21/15
interesting...
Smitten Little Kitten, your comments about guilt were very interesting. I think the reason Christians feel guilt about their sexual urges goes back to some of the early church fathers who taught that everything physical was bad, which they got from gnosticism, rather than the Bible. The Bible is actually very liberal on sexuality. There is plural marriage, prostitution, and even a whole book celebrating lust (the Song of Solomon). I mean Solomon writes about oral sex with his like 1000th wife! This guy a horn dog- he was the Charles Bukowski of his day- and God has no problem with it! The early church changed Jesus' words which originally said, "whoever looks at a WIFE to COVET after her has already committed adultery in his heart" to "whoever looks at a WOMAN to LUST after her has already committed adultery in his heart". The point was taking something that wasn't yours- in relation to the 10th commandment- another man's wife. He wasn't addressing open relationships or even sexual desires or fantasies. Just don't take your neighbor's wife. But it was changed into this whole legalistic morality. I think God gave us all kinds of sexual desires to explore and enjoy!
by
Anonymous11/27/16
We all have demons
Personally,ive never posted anything here,ive read anonymously. I've enjoyed it!!!
English
So relatable!
This is totally me right now, I have this battle every day and no one knows. It's nice to know that I'm not alone, and that I'm not the only one who has to hide it.
I Get It
I struggle with that, often. It used to be worse when I was very involved with my old church...
Back when I was in high school, I wanted nothing more than to be a good little Christian girl who kept her nose clean, and her thoughts pure. But every day, I found my panties soaked, and my mind wandering. My thoughts would turn to things like ditching class to go masturbate somewhere private on campus, flirting with teachers, fucking acquaintances in their car during lunch, staying after school and being fucked by my two favorite teachers, (sometimes at the same time.) My notebooks and diaries hid my erotic poetry and stories I would write at school and get off to, locked in my bedroom. For years, I thumbed through Charles Bukowski's novel, Women. The first time I ever made myself cum, was to a passage from that book, and I remember everything. The passage has stuck with me to this day.
Eventually, I started embracing my sexuality, began to shed my guilt, and enjoy my lust and my body. I still find myself battling my inner demons, sometimes going so far as to try and swear off porn and Lit, at least temporarily, but I never do, and that's okay. I don't truly want to. I want to embrace my sexuality and my lust, wholly and fully. I no longer feel overwhelming guilt for watching strangers jerk off, imagining it's for me, (and sometimes, even saying, "Thank you," because I'm a polite pervert!) I enjoy listening to Lit while I'm studying, or even at my college, between classes. It's thrilling to squirm and shift in my seat, as innocent strangers, friends, and professors, walk by, none of them knowing my little secret.
Is that to say I don't feel some guilt, or some doubt in myself? Not at all. It's simply become manageable. Society has taught many of us that sex and lust are horrible, taboo things, never to be discussed and rarely to be enjoyed...that pleasure is something to feel guilt over. It simply isn't true. Not one person on this site, at least in my opinion, should ever feel guilt for having desires. No one should be ashamed for having lust. No one should dislike themselves because he or she has kinks! No one should. But, many of us do, and that's okay. Nothing is ever black or white. It's sites and communities like Lit, and authors, like Anonymous_stranger, who help remind us we aren't alone.
It's people like you, Daddy, who make me glad I joined Lit. Thank you for reminding your fans and followers that, not only is it okay to have their lust and desires, but that it's okay to battle it sometimes, too.
interesting...
Smitten Little Kitten, your comments about guilt were very interesting. I think the reason Christians feel guilt about their sexual urges goes back to some of the early church fathers who taught that everything physical was bad, which they got from gnosticism, rather than the Bible. The Bible is actually very liberal on sexuality. There is plural marriage, prostitution, and even a whole book celebrating lust (the Song of Solomon). I mean Solomon writes about oral sex with his like 1000th wife! This guy a horn dog- he was the Charles Bukowski of his day- and God has no problem with it! The early church changed Jesus' words which originally said, "whoever looks at a WIFE to COVET after her has already committed adultery in his heart" to "whoever looks at a WOMAN to LUST after her has already committed adultery in his heart". The point was taking something that wasn't yours- in relation to the 10th commandment- another man's wife. He wasn't addressing open relationships or even sexual desires or fantasies. Just don't take your neighbor's wife. But it was changed into this whole legalistic morality. I think God gave us all kinds of sexual desires to explore and enjoy!
We all have demons
Personally,ive never posted anything here,ive read anonymously. I've enjoyed it!!!
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