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Sorry, doesn't work.
I understand your attempt to make this a tricky little role-playing hubby/wife game, but when you tell us what he's thinking, you can't cheat the reader. Acting like he's wondering what's going on, and the crap about thinking the husband might come home is writing shenanigans. Leave that out next time.
Excellent...
That went from a yawn another cuck story been there done that to a truly unique, amusing and a well written story. I never saw it coming and that gives testimony to your writing skills. Thank you for the posting and giving me a hell of a laugh. 5*
Good intentions, but a weak execution.
As has been said, you make yourself look stupid when you write what a character is thinking, then we later learn that those thoughts you put into their head was a bogus plot device. You could have just used objective dialogue, as would be heard by a third party, to steer the reader into the role playing. Like a guy at a cafe' sees a beautiful woman approached by what looks like a street bum, who begins to chat her up using the most disgusting, trite, and inane conversation, and she responds positively. And the observer is thinking how all his sophisticated gentlemanly considerate approaches apparently are not what this gorgeous woman wants. So he sits and listens in disbelief as she appears to succumb to the bum's advances. Then, as they are obviously leaving together to consummate the seduction, she looks over at the observer and says, "He makes 6 figures as a stock broker, but his real passion is acting. Well, and me, of course. Hope you enjoyed the show." And they walk off arm and arm, critiquing their performance.
SEE! I TOLD YOU!
First it was the Pool boy and now it's the repair man! And neither one of them knew what to do or say that would have caused the story to be interesting or entertaining.
Simply not clever or sharp enough to be a flash story and way too short to be an enjoyable story. Just plain awful.
don't listen to the ass wipe annony, your stoy is going well
keep the build up slow and we'll love the cum we give from reading it Fuck annony in the heart! 5
Ah bonnietaylor is at it again.
Don't listen to her ravings. She's missing a screw. Posting anonymous again bonnie? Gave it a 1 of course, anything you say is erotic is sure to be trash. Isn't this fun dear?
at least I odn't read what I hate you dumb fucking turd
annony. and I have the guts to put my name on my comments. Not like your sorry fag ass BTW a 5
Good Story
Could have worked with either ending. Nice job.
Not bad. I gave it 5 stars because its better than all the other crap on here.
After all, nothing wrong with a husband and wife doing a little role play.
Good story...
This is a good story that shows that "No need to cheat if you have love, respect and above all imagination!!!" 4*...
It DOES require some skill.....
to properly use your caulk gun.
Otherwise, you just make one hell of a mess!
This WAS the best post in this category today, so thanks!
See FANTASIES are best when they simply STAY fantasies!
Loved it
Best I've read today except for maybe my own story.
*****
Too bad the Anons don't identify themselves by #. (ANONYMOUS #44) It would help others to judge just how good their comments are. They did have a point about the trick writing. To the best of my knowledge, the 1st person character can't lie. That's one advantage of 3rd person.
I enjoyed the story so much I didn't pick up on it, so I gave you a 5.
I was going to give it a five
for the hotwife slutting around but then realized it was just another boring husband-wife role play fantasy. So I gave it one.
same old same 2 star cuck tale
nothing to write home about
**
5 *'s
This ain't a cuckold story. It ain't a cheating wife story. It really belongs in this category because it seems she loves to role play. It was a surprise at the end.
Excellent job and alway enjoy a story where the husband and wife can truly enjoy each other. They can have fun doing different things together without one lying and cheating. Looking forward to more of this type of story from you
It started out see my, then got steamy.....
...and ended up AWSOME!
I liked that the two were engaged in a fantasy of the kind that keeps couples strong.
I liked the twist at the end.....that made the whole story.
Don't get me wrong, it was a hot and sexy and a very well written seduction.
The punchline was butter icing. Yum, yum, gimme some!
The girl I should have married did something like this to me. A few weeks later, I ran.
Perhaps I'll tell both stories one day. Until then, thank you for yours. I hope something. Like that happens in your real life.
Silly...
Funny
No one got hurt
Gave it a five
Surprise!
This is a charming and loveable short story.
loving wives
I find it hilarious that if you write a story in the Loving Wives section, you get panned by readers who get mad if the wife isn't a slutty hot wife, or you get panned if the wife IS a slutty hot wife. This story has neither, but I still got panned by both sides!
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