All Comments on 'South Mountain Pack Ch. 16'

I liked it but it was a little drawn out. Also are we going to get to the Halloween dance before next Halloween? Sorry to criticize but it seems you are getting lost in details and the story is not moving.

Darn now we have to wait for the next chapter. Oh well, I have my voodoo dolls to keep me busy. LOL

Ahhhhhhh omg! Amazing as always!!!!! Can't wait for the next chapter!!!

I love your writing. But you are turning me into a stalker. Please don't stop writing.

It was worth the wait. Five stars.

Can't wait to find out what happens next as always. Make sure you are well though and keep your strength and health up first despite how much we love the stories you have to make sure you are well. Desperate for Chapter 17 though now. lol

I love it, it was so worth the wait

I was dying for this chapter! I thought it would never come out. From the comments good or bad they (the commenters) think you have great work. Keep it up! Can't wait for your next chapter

Two thumbs up and 5 stars!

"I mix water with cake mix and eat it like pudding" Best line yet!

thank you so much for this chapter :)

you have no mercy.... as always I died laughing and now I'm looking forward to next chapter, that was great :) keep writing!!!!!!!!!!

and I have to ask:

WHEN WILL BE THE 17th?????????????????????????

emotions all over the place. laughter. crying. cheering. worry. you name the emotion and I experienced it this chapter. absolutely loved the part about the bear, such compassion and emotion. wondering why jarod and his mate cant have a little one. still worried about maria. the little one wanting to see da stars, those little ones are always highlights. the flashback of the little boys performing their secret ceremony. the way the carlucci's love their sisters even though their annoying. all answer many questions but raise so many more.

Loved it but so unfair it ended. Can't wait for next ch.

Experienced a wide range of emotions, laughed out loud, good lessons for life too. Ever thought of trying to get it published as a book when you're done. Although part of me never wants the story to end. Keep up the good work.

This had me laughing at the young hearts and old farts antics... Come to think of it... this must be the calm before the storm. :)

Have the grandparents heard about the declarations yet? I am thinking that they don't because they allowed Anthony and Alberto to slink off. That would make a quick distraction while Frank and Joe regroup.

i am still wondering what is wrong with maria,she is a were that cant get a broken arm to heal?if she was human i would say it was some kind of bone cancer.like another poster i too am wanting more of the drama with the council to be brought forth so we can move on to the juniors getting to mate.

I laughed and I cried but mostly laughed. I'm loving Mauve so much!!! Shake my head what are we going to do with Damian?! Such a great chapter, once again!!!

Okay I'm sensing some type of pairing between Victor and Angelo. I think they are intendeds. Same with Enzo and Maeve. Sal asking out Gabby was hilarious. The reminder of her and Angelo fighting before school that day and their clothes were ripped and Gabby was missing a shoe! 😂😂😂😂 ＼(^o^)／ And Damian is still the craziest. I felt like a waited forever for this update but it was worth it. Can't wait for the next chapter.

P.S. I really like Maeve's character development. I think she is going to be wonderful later in the story. Hopefully they will allow her to go to the meeting to see who the bad guys are.

Maeve has an eye for detail and her mind is like a sponge. I like her gift. It may not seem like it isn't a big deal but with her attention to detail along with the gift makes her a strong person.

I wonder what the pack would do if something happened to Paulo. He has a ton on his plate. I wonder if there is someone else they could bring on to help him. Paulo isn't lacking in anyway but how does he manage the time with his business, school, training and other duties and activities?

A few times I couldn't read due to the tears in my eyes from laughter. I can't wait to read about the confrontation between Frank, Joe & the grandparents. That should be hilariously tense.

I find Maeve 's emerging personality really fascinating along with Enzo ' s over protectiveness. Can't wait to see how that develops.

There's just so much to love about this story. Please take care of your health and keep up the good work!

I loved this, I really did. I do have a minor complaint, and that's just the fact that I forget how old everyone actually is because they all seem to act and/or talk like children. I realize that the Miller girls are vastly under-experienced in life, but I always picture Fiona and Maeve as 6 or 7 because of the way they talk. Even the older ones at times. Who was it...Aislin that said something along the lines of "I know how to potty?" 15 year-olds (or however old they are) would never say that. At least not that I've experienced. I'm afraid, for me, most of the Miller girls' dialogue really turns me off parts of the story because it's so child-sounding. And at the end there, when Rose and Annie say "Daddy"...not that grown woman can't call their father's Daddy, I just momentarily forget they are grown women of multiple children. The child-like dialogue from all the teens throughout the entire story has had this effect on me.

All of that being said, I realize you are not writing this story for me! I don't mean to be a hater, I really do like this story. I guess I'm just trying to offer constructive criticism and an opinion, but you can take it with a grain of salt, I will still read your updates and enjoy them.

I hope life is going well for you, and I want to thank you for sharing your imagination and story telling with us!

I take all comments to heart and hope I learn from them. with that in mind, I'll answer your complaints.

I'm 50 years old and call my father 'Daddy'. always have and always will. I can't imagine calling him anything else. It's not like I woke up when I turned 18 and thought 'well, I'm an adult now and have to think of another name for him.' If you read my posts on FB and my blog you'll see that's the way I refer to him.

As far as the dialogue between Aislin and Marcus -

'Marcus smiled, “It’s all about baby steps, little girl.”

“I’m not a little girl, I can feed and dress myself and do the potty on my own,” Aislin said in a huff as she walked towards Rita’s SUV with Gianni.

“Okay, I deserved that, but you’re not exactly grown either. You’re the same age as my sister and I still picture her in pigtails with grape jelly smeared across her face at snack time,” Marcus said with a grin.

She rolled her eyes, “You’re seventeen, which means you’re two years older, so stop talking like you’re my grandfather. Talk to me like a friend.”

She was responding to him because he called her a little girl. if you remember in the previous chapter Maria said the same thing to Dom because he was bossing her around.

I'm not sure what you mean by the way Fiona and Maeve talk like 6 or 7 year olds. I think Maeve offered a lot of great opinions this chapter in telling Carlo how she wanted to go to the AC to help the Pack, talking to Carlo about the store and standing up to Enzo.

Like I said earlier, I'm always willing to learn but I don't understand what you're saying about all the childlike dialogue between all of the teenagers. I try to be as age appropriate as possible so maybe I need to find different teens to make sure some of the dialogue is more genuine.

I took that as a sarcastic comeback that emphasized how he was treating her as too young. I laughed at it. As far as how the youngsters talk, my son is 16 and there are times he sounds like an adult and there are times I swear he's still 6 years old. It's a hard age and I think you are doing a good job showing that even though they are expected to take on these adult responsibilities, they are still children. Of course I work with some adults that still act and talk like children. ;)

Maeve and Fiona are the youngest at 13. I interpreted their speech to reflect not only being sheltered but also the fact that they lived with fear for so long. The Miller girls are feeling safe and protected for the first time, learning who they are and enjoying the freedom to do that. Except for a typo here and there, I think you've done a great job of character development, plot twists, and conveying the emotions. I can always picture what is going.

Even though I'll be constantly checking for new updates, take time for yourself and loved ones. Until then, I'll read them all again. I totally love this story!

Love the chapter. Especially when the boys got it from the adults for leaving the girls unattended as they fought at the theater. Now then. On to the main reason why I'm commenting. Things for the women are too sheltered. And worst of all, their mates bed human women before they even meet their mates, because they don't love them enough to wait. Condom or no condom. Sex is sex. The women would be severely punished if they have sex with anyone but their mate. But as long as a guy uses a condom it's "ok". Nope doesn't fly. Sophia and the others need to find out the truth. They need to get pissed and stay pissed. Reject their mates, mmmmmm possible but Sophia would definitely need to run away and not get caught. I know your extremely busy so I don't expect an immediate answer.

I don't think the girls are too sheltered. After the tragedy the Pack suffered with the loss of 35 underage females it's understandable they don't want it to happen again. That loss was devestating to them and Aldo's grandmother was the only female spared. Imagine a whole generation of women gone.

The girls aren't allowed to have sex until after they're 18. After that they're free to have sex with whoever they want - mate or not.

Maria and Sophia know their intendeds had sex with other women, both of them have addressed it. Mari addressed it in this chapter telling Alberto she knows three years is a long time to wait and he says he will wait because she is the only woman he wants to be with the rest of his life. Did you miss that? And Sophia addressed it at the Full Moon Ceremony 'knowing he had been with other girls', and wondering if he regretted finding her as his intended. so I definitely don't know what your point is.

And 'they didn't love their mates enough to wait'. Some of the men haven't found their mates and they're in their twenties. And you want them to be virgins because they haven't found their mate?

please read the entire story before you comment. also this is not a cliché story that is found on other sites. that story has been done to the point of being overdone. those of us who are devout fans love this story. everything is explained the girls know what is going on and they don't think its fair.

I had just finished rereading all the previous chapters around a week ago. Just before I went to bed last night I found you had updated, anyone else feel sleep deprived. It was a great chapter. Character development has been on going which is great it makes you feel like your in the story. The Miller girls character development is expanding well, we are starting to see them with individual personalities. I also appreciate the extra background on Phil and Matt . Enzo /Maeve??

Go Salvatore could you imagine having his older brothers and cousins I'm suprised he hasn't killed any of them yet. When he goes through his growth spurt they better whatch out. Lol.

16 Chapters in and its really going nowhere, is there an end in sight or is it going to just keep dragging on and on like it is now, 16 pages alone for this chapter...

IF you took the time to read the chapters ... had the guts to have an actual log in account to leave your comments then you would see all the fine detail hidden in the chapters. Each and everyone of them. Details so subtle you don't think anything of it but you look back in a chapter or four and slap yourself in the head and go WTF! I can't believe it! There have been hints and clues dropped throughout the last umpteen chapters!

Anonymous in generally just a nickname for gutless TROLL!

By the way PBL ... awesome chapter. Love all the tiny details, but then I took the time to ready it.

to the latest anon person..why didn't you log in..the rest of us did. we are all adults here after all no shame in what we are reading. as for your comments did you make them while you were drinking. those of us who are PBL fans don't appreciate your comments.

read the entire story and how is it predictable. we don't know who are friends or who are enemies so how do you find it predictable. do you know the end..who will live and who will die. are there anymorethings you can grace us with your psychic abilities

I finally created a Literotica account today. I'm the guy who commented Shake Things Up. And to pocketbooklover, I sent you a email last night because since I commented anonymously Literotica wouldn't allow me to comment again. I know your busy so when time permits, please take a look.

I didn't receive any emails from you. I just checked again thinking maybe it got lost in the 100 or so I got in the last day and no, that's not an exaggeration. My email is - pocketbooklover1@aol.com

I tried to signup but once I hit the register button nothing else happened so I will comment as anonymous.

You have the right to criticize someone if they don't like this story or post a comment on it that is not to your liking but they have a right to comment if they don't like the story also and should not get chastised for it.

I don't like spinach so will I get chastised for that?

It's just a story and you all have to understand that not everyone will like it. There are plenty of stories on here that I don't like either and will comment on what I think of that story. It is my right to do so. I didn't read anything that was so bad that it called for certain people to call them out a name other than anonymous.

If you like this story then that is great and tell the author as such but don't continue to bash others because that makes you hypocritical.

Great update PBL and I can't wait for the next one. Maybe by then that circle will stop circling and I can register with my name...which should be purplelady.

I'm so stupid. Check your feedback section or contact section. (When I don't comment, I contact the author through the link I'll post below. If it lists by email look for mine, narutosage08@gmail.com) Basically wherever you would find replies from this link. http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=1386174&page=contact

Loved the chapter! And now I'm craving baked ziti. . . It's so cute how all the teens are finding love *awww, gush, so sweeeeet!* And I absolutely love that little girl's obsession with grocery stores and cereal! Please keep writing for all your devoted fans!

A

HAHAHA!! I love this story! Now that the grandparents are here, I am really excited! Hahaha!!!

After speaking with pocketbooklover I acknowledge that my points of view are wrong. I was wrong about the women being too sheltered. I was wrong about the guys not loving their mates enough to wait, they do love them. I was wrong about women not being allowed to have sex with anyone but their mate, they just have to do wait until they are 18 before they can have sex, I'd forgotten that and pocketbooklover reminded me. I was wrong about and there was completely no need for me to mention that the women don't know about the guys having protected sex, they do know.

I've greatly enjoyed this series and that we weren't in "crisis" mode this chapter. Now we can take a deep breath and get ready for the next thing to happen especially now that the grandparents are back. Keep up the great work, 17 soon?? - Fayelcrow

Loved this chapter. Worth the wait. When Damien was saying he wants to be president It cracked me up. U have great talent PBL and can't wait for more

I love this chapter Damien is funny as aways n I really wanna to no is Paulo going to get a gf because he is the sweetest who of them all plz don't leave us for along tme again so plz keep goin I love this story I can't tell you many times I read it b/c I lost count lol

I posted the anon about Victor and Angelo. I have been with this story since the very first chapter. I feel like these characters are developing so well. I'm not going to lie and say I always remember Maeve is 13. But after I took into account how they were living and their background I realized that the way she acts comes from her background. She pays attention to detail because she has had to pay attention to who had dark colors to protect her family. She clings to protective male figures because for a chunk of her life her father could not be around. Yet she embraces the unknown. Learning about all this new stuff because she hasn't had it. (If you haven't noticed Marge is my fave!) I think the readers who don't see it the way most are, aren't embracing the story the way some do. I have had to re-read the chapters a few times and I find new angles almost everytime. It was stated in the beginning that there will be no sex. It's not going to reach that point, at least it don't feel like it. If we make it to chapter 99 and the enemy still isn't revealed I will still be reading. It has to happen sometime. PBL I can't wait to the next chapter, sorry for the long note. But seriously, something between Angelo and Victor? I feel it.

Hope everything is going well with you. Hope to see more chapters in the near future. I love the story and how detailed and well developed the characters are. Thank you for the amazing work and the time you have taken to share it with us

Thanks so much for posting an extra long chapter for us, I've been hanging out checking back every week for updates. Please don't leave us hanging for too long for your next wonderful update. Loving the story, I love Paulo and want to see him end up with Shannon. I wonder why Enzo is so over the top protective of Mavue, maybe down the track?

Love this story!!! I know others complain about no sex but I enjoy the fact that your's is a character driven plot. Hope your flow continues and you can post regularly. Gotta have me some Carlucci.

Just finished reading it all from the very beginning, again. Picking up on new things. I'm still totally in love with the story. Am very interested to hear the angle the Carlucci and Vitti grandparents put on things? Frank and Joe are going to be so busted for not letting them know what was going on? I love the ending statement...very good for a cliff hanger ending.

I'm a little confused about Jarod and his mate's story. I'll reread it again and see if I can figure it out on my own. I think that their intendeds were siblings? But how did Jarod and Caroline(?) know each other?

Love the Scotland angle.

Not too long of a story, too long between chapters. I have to stop and remember that you are writing these stories for your own enjoyment. If I enjoy it also, extra benefit.

I saw the new update, so I reread the previous chapters. How do you keep all the character development so unique for so many characters!

I do enjoy your writing.

This chapter was delayed due to numerous health reasons. I had serious heart issues that required hospitalization and required me to wear a heart monitor (still wearing it while I sleep), plus another skin cancer surgery. The heart meds I was on had an adverse reaction and for long periods of time, I was more asleep than awake and when awake I was barely coherent, I felt like I was in a fog. Thankfully this new med seems to be working much better. I've kept the readers updated on my FB page and blog, but I do apologize for the delay and hopefully it won't take as long for Ch. 17 to be posted.

Hope your heart issues clear up and the skin cancer can't wait for more but take time to take care of yourself and enjoy the journey as well as the accomplishment.

Sorry to hear about the hospitalisation pocket, I've been waiting and rereading the old chapters waiting for the new 1's great migration can't wait to the next instalment, hope all is well and don't leave it so long before the next chapter...

i love the chapters, i just want a little more where it makes me laugh from stories being told or silly things the kids do. take care and hope to see another chapter soon.

I hope you are well on you way to a full recovery from your heart problem. I had a heart attack almost a year ago and know how some of those meds can knock you down. Not fun....

This was another fantastic chapter and I look forward to the next instalment.

You are an amazing writer and your attention to detail keeps the story interesting. Please keep up the good work.

It is absolutely a gift to read your work. To know that thru numerous health issues you can still share a part of yourself with strangers in such a dynamic way is awe inspiring. I have 2 jobs and can barely find time to exercise..., and believe me I need to. Thank you for all that you give us. Please take care of yourself. I love everything about The South Mountain Pack. The different family members, the intricate multiple plots..., the prophecies..., the intrigue. I am excited and afraid at all times. The depth at which we see them preparing the children for battle/possible escape gives me palpitations. Lol. The levels of good and evil instigate a battle is coming. The sheer strength of Anthony is actually mind boggling. It seems that no matter the battle, if something catastrophic befalls the parents..., woe onto the enemy. I am not sure anyone outside of his dad really gets how powerful he is. The more you write, the more there is to ponder events. I would say that I can't wait for the next chapter..., but truth be told I am going back to the beginning and starting again because you have a reason for all that you introduce and I just wanna pick at the bones. Lol. I want to see if I missed something while I await future chapters. Thank you for all that you do. Please, be well. Take care of yourself and your family.

I am definitely a fan, but I am a human being first. Take all the time you need, I definitely appreciate your creative mind.

More please

More please this is a phenomenal story can't stop reading. Want more

My curiosity to see where this goes is fully peaked!!! Please post chapter 17 soon!

Two days ago I started reading this serial. With every free moment I have continued. I found the story line great and really enjoyed reading it. I don't know if you are going to continue and if you do I will certainly be in line to read the chapters.

Keep on writing. IT WAS GREAT.

Too bad I can only give each chapter 5 stars

Must have more!!!!

Just re-read again for like the 3rd time and realized that there's something I think your subtly alluding to by way of another mating among the kids that I hadn't caught on to before. Although, given Matt and Phil's relationship I should have realized that you might go in that direction. I'll be interested in seeing if I'm correct which I'm fairly sure I am, and how everyone receives the news when it comes out.

Hope for an update soon!!!!

Is there going to be more to this story I really love it. I can't count how many times I've had read it.

I really love this series and hope you continue it.

Im really looking forward to Damians grandparents reaction at wanting to be president,especially with the fact that his grandfathers are a pair of retired spooks.

This story has me completely hooked. The characters just really draw you in. I love this story. I hope you can update it soon.

I would check out the author's blog, http://pocketbooklover1.blogspot.com/. The blog gives the latest news on the status of the story and other items of interest pertaining to SMP. The author is still working on the story.

you are a fabulous writer .. Damian is my favorite !

Love how this story is going and you should really consider making it a book. I'd go out n buy it. Keep the story going and looking forward to the next chapter

I absolutely love this story. I sure hope you are putting out the next chapter soon .

I hope u up date soon cause its a great story no matter what people say

I loved every part Of it great writing skills hope to see more

Oh there had better be more coming soon. I've haven't laughed so much in a long time.

I love this story, it keeps me laughing. You should get this published.

please - can't wait for the next chapter!!!! it's been too long...

pretty please?

PLEASE! PLEASE WRITE MORE!!!!

Please please continue this series... and soon! It's too good to be cut short! We're anxiously awaiting more

I love reading and re-reading this series. I'm really hoping that the next chapter is soon. Can't wait to hear the Vitti and Carlucci grandparents' reaction to the threat, Gabby and Sal's first date or if there are any other relationship developments. Oh and the status assessments, are the girls being assessed too? Do they get to train with the boys? Any insight into little Miss Victoria? Maybe a Scottish prophecy. Looking forward to it all.

I am lost in this series, love every character and scene. New dedicated reader, thanks for the ability to lose myself in a story and hide from RL lol

I have reread the whole story so I remember all that is going on. This is my favorite story. We are all waiting excitedly for the next chapter!

I reread this series all the time please keep writing its amazing

Really love your story and have been patiently waiting for the next chapter. When do you think the next chapter will be ready?

And hasn't been able to work on it. Please respect her recovery time.

I really love this story, looking forward to reading more. I understand about health issues. I will be having radiation and chemo starting this week. Hope you feel better soon. Miss this story. You are a good writer.

So when to expect the next chapter of this series, need the fix..

And update ASAP

....😘😘and update ASAP

I understand that you have been having some health issues. I hope that you feel better. I love your story, you are an amazing writer and I hope that when you start to feel better that you will continue South Mountain Pack. Everyone here is rooting for you and anxious to find out what happens next.

i totaly love it and hope you get to felling better i can not wait to find ot what happens next

Add another one to the list of stories that will never be finished.

Your book so for is awesome it made me cry and laugh can't get enough of it. Just waiting on the next chapter my family says I am addicted to your stories

Seriously? A full year for an update?

It has been over a year since the last chapter. I get that sometimes things come up that are out of your control like moving and getting sick. However, even authors have deadlines, and yes I know your doing this on your own time. The thing is you have teasers of the next chapter already out and your facebook page has random updates and you talk of making a new series with the clan. But it looks more like your not going to release new chapters let alone a new series. Maybe you should let someone ghost write for you, or just take over.

OMG can't wait till you finish this story. I was thinking maybe you should turn this story into a movie. So please let's find out what happens. Thanks

i need more of smp and the clan. so please finish the story.

I hope so! To be honest, I did not expect to like this story as much as I did but I really liked it.

I kept wondering why, with every danger the pack is facing, not to mention the danger specifically targeting their two granddaughters, the grandparents hadn't been summoned home, or at least briefed over the phone. So I'm very anxious to read the next parts.

I also am eager to know about the wife with the gambling habit that was asking intrusive and inappropriate questions at the reception a couple of chapters back I think. Lastly, or firstly really, I want to know how this ends? I want to know with all the preparations and all the details you've documented as this pack prepares for the mother of all battles, what the hell happens!!!!

Frankly, it's a hard sell that these young couples aren't going to be having sex fairly soon and certainly not waiting for adulthood. Checking for virginity is actually not very reliable now that we allow girls do to more that sit and sew. Their hymens thin and the tissue get bumbled and jarred by physical activity, so the yearly virginity checks were something that turned me off immediately as being rather unsound medically, not to mention highly intrusive ethically.

A couple of grammar mistakes that were consistent through out but all in all a really interesting story that I enjoyed.

Thank you for sharing it.

This is just my opinion, not fact.

This is a highly detailed, thus complicated story. It has a slew of converging story lines. A huge number of central characters and each character has their own story line. When I first started reading this I kept thinking there were way too many characters, the reader needs a chart to keep track of them. But as the story progressed I was impressed by how consistently PBL represented each character. Granted they're not terribly complicated characters which is good because if they were each chapter would have been its own separate novel! Because PBL has included so many characters and provided so many details, each chapter she has submitted gets progressively longer and longer. I imagine this chapter, probably took her many months to write (on an 'as time permits' basis) and then several weeks for editing and proofing.

If real life complications such as a move to a new state, surgery, complications from surgery and then recovery are thrown into the list of things to do I imagine writing the continuation of this story may take quite some time. Perhaps more than a year.

According to her Facebook page, she is writing currently so I am going to continue to wait with the understanding that A) this is a complicated and detailed story that takes TIME to write and B) the author does have a life. Though I personally hope her life becomes incredibly boring, so boring that she has nothing to do all day except write.

I remain,

Perpetually Impatient

Patiently waiting for your next update. Your chapters are very long which I love so I know they take quite a while to write. I will keep checking in for an update. Keep up the hard work kisses

Love all the avenues each family takes. Love the characters please I know it just be tiresome but please take us all the way with the story You have a wonderful talent thank you for the joy you have brought to me when I read this story.

When is another chapter coming?

Like seating arrangements and repetitive emotional outbreaks... More showing less telling.

Love this story, it pulls you in so well and captivates you. I hope the next chapter or two is ready soon. Thank you for sharing.

R.I.P.