by 0ra11yfix8ed
I wish you'd posted about the actual release at the end. The feel he got when he came. I was so worked up and then it was a disappointing ending.
Also- you put fifth grade teacher then that he felt like he was back in the third grade again. Which was it?
You're exactly correct, there's nothing better than the approval of women, especially while naked in front of them. I enjoyed your story, it's a Fantasy that most young men have.
So today I was wandering around the infamous Literotica Cafe and found this little nook. Nice and quiet, seemed to fit my mood. Most having consumed the order of their choice seemed to be relaxed and peaceful so I looked at the nooks sub-menu and imagine my surprise when I saw what it was; but hey why not , so I ordered the special chef's surprise and this confection appeared. Looked a bit sugary, but with some good Columbian coffee to set it off it might work. Cleches aside yeah some of the other critics comments could apply. But it is just a one page ticket to turn off the world for a few minutes and as such it worked very well. Maybe the third grade, fifth graade thing was a gaffe, maybe it was meant as a regression through childhood given the order, who knows it is a one pager after all. I don't see the ending as that much of a problem perhaps we were supposed to end in the imaginary place of our chosing. Or maybe the author wanted to impart the sense of anticipation our young protagonist felt. Who knows it worked and I'm sitting here and writing another review from the "evil anonymous" As an anonymous, I do miss the ability to get author feed back from my comments. I'd like to gain the closure of knowing if they help or not.But like those who hide behind the label to flame and tear down thus bringing the troll hunters and Cafe bouncers out. I TOO have what to me are important reasons to stay this way.
I appreciate all, really ALL, valid criticisms. The third grade/fifth grade thing was a "gaffe." I am considering a re-write. I confess to being a victim of premature submission because I hate endless editing but I suppose for the sake of consistency, spelling and form I should take more time. My first story, "Brigid Gets Her Way" took forever to write and still there were the naysayers!
As for the ending: I will consider punching that up a bit. My goal usually is not to provide a vivid description of a man's orgasm but instead to describe characters and situations in such a way that the reader can finish the job himself! Your mind, dear reader, is after all your most important sex organ!.
"Happy Endings!"
If that was for real, what fun. OK so you say it is fantasy, still, what fun. Mistakes excused.
MORE!!
When I was younger , I ended up in a similar situation , it was an old teacher of mine from Jr. High school , and two of his friends . I was like a naked cock palladin , once hard , I could cum and cum and then some ... and I got paid for it