The story was good until the "loving" wife decided to humiliate the husband...It doesn't matter if he liked it or not, because when she humiliated him she didn't know that!!! As the "loving" husband prepared this whoring night without talking with his wife!!! If this was a loving couple...2*
"I liked" or "I didn't like" aren't very helpful are they? You get a lot of "likes" or 5*s....
....and too soon your ego runs off with you and you think your a god-like sex story writer.
The problem is, it's empty praise. Nothing about what you did well. Where you messed up, nothing that keeps your effort in perspective and your ego bolstered, but hungry to improve.....
So.
Try putting at least as much effort into editing as into writing. There were too many problems with the technical aspects of your story to pick on any one, but it wasn't so severe that I think you need a verbal swat. But you do need to raise the bar here.
Try talking with several women you can trust (not a wife or even a family member), and get their perspective and responses to some of the things you presented as wifey's thoughts and actions in this story. Tell them the overall idea and read some of the draft to them.....I am absolutely certain you will be surprised, as well as educated....but at the least, you'll have a better foundation for writing female characters.
To me, wifey sounded like a guy imagining how a wifey would think, act and talk in this situation. Let me assure you, not even a slut would say and do most of what you wrote. She might fuck all three men in addition to her husband, and very lustily, but it would not likely sound or go anything like you wrote it.
Why, because most nice housewife types don't act all straight and sweet, then whorish and slutty in the same moment without major emotional trauma.
Most sluts won't say and think the sweet wife stuff when faced with an orgy...I think you get the idea.
A friend of mine interviewed several prostitutes and strippers in preparation for a story he was writing. Finally, in frustration, convincing one to just tell him how it was for her, what she liked, what she hated, why she stayed in the business,...and so on.
She ended up demanding a second "fee" for her to spend another two hours filling him in on "the life". They've become friends, if you can imagine (no, no sex, although when he found out his wife of 16 years was a serial cheater, she offered to come home with him and fuck him silly, then fuck her up). Instead, he divorced her real hard and now, a year and several months later, has found another woman he's nuts about. They're taking it very slowly.....and he's having her quietly investigated.
I'm not saying women don't want wild sex....I'm saying they don't handle a scenario like this in the way you portrayed it without epileptic self-image issues.
I know, I know. Generalizations are almost always wrong. Really? Are they? You find me one woman that says and does what sweet little wifey did in this story, and I'll show you 400 that would clobber you with their purse before leaving you sitting on the floor, rubbing your scalp and taking a taxi home and locking you out for a month...but then you'd have no story, would you?
Bottom line:
1. Edit, rewrite, smooth and improve. Give your best, or go home.
2. Do some relevant research about places, people, cultures, behaviors, etc. to give your story a visceral feeling that rings of reality.
THEN, you can put your considerable wordsmithing skills to better use and ask us to believe impossible things...and we will, for the sake of a worthwhile story.
English
Your bio is more interesting to read than this story.
And equally bull shit.
What a wonderful news !
A new baboon
1*
The story was good until....
The story was good until the "loving" wife decided to humiliate the husband...It doesn't matter if he liked it or not, because when she humiliated him she didn't know that!!! As the "loving" husband prepared this whoring night without talking with his wife!!! If this was a loving couple...2*
Not a bad story. Needs some editing and polishing, though.
Oh yay! A new baboon has joined the ranks.
Newsflash
A gangbang is never sexy, it is just sordid. Sordid and desperately sad.
Good story..
The story is good. Ignore the baboon comments. They're probably from little dick racist white guys!
Great story
l enjoyed the read
"I liked" or "I didn't like" aren't very helpful are they? You get a lot of "likes" or 5*s....
....and too soon your ego runs off with you and you think your a god-like sex story writer.
The problem is, it's empty praise. Nothing about what you did well. Where you messed up, nothing that keeps your effort in perspective and your ego bolstered, but hungry to improve.....
So.
Try putting at least as much effort into editing as into writing. There were too many problems with the technical aspects of your story to pick on any one, but it wasn't so severe that I think you need a verbal swat. But you do need to raise the bar here.
Try talking with several women you can trust (not a wife or even a family member), and get their perspective and responses to some of the things you presented as wifey's thoughts and actions in this story. Tell them the overall idea and read some of the draft to them.....I am absolutely certain you will be surprised, as well as educated....but at the least, you'll have a better foundation for writing female characters.
To me, wifey sounded like a guy imagining how a wifey would think, act and talk in this situation. Let me assure you, not even a slut would say and do most of what you wrote. She might fuck all three men in addition to her husband, and very lustily, but it would not likely sound or go anything like you wrote it.
Why, because most nice housewife types don't act all straight and sweet, then whorish and slutty in the same moment without major emotional trauma.
Most sluts won't say and think the sweet wife stuff when faced with an orgy...I think you get the idea.
A friend of mine interviewed several prostitutes and strippers in preparation for a story he was writing. Finally, in frustration, convincing one to just tell him how it was for her, what she liked, what she hated, why she stayed in the business,...and so on.
She ended up demanding a second "fee" for her to spend another two hours filling him in on "the life". They've become friends, if you can imagine (no, no sex, although when he found out his wife of 16 years was a serial cheater, she offered to come home with him and fuck him silly, then fuck her up). Instead, he divorced her real hard and now, a year and several months later, has found another woman he's nuts about. They're taking it very slowly.....and he's having her quietly investigated.
I'm not saying women don't want wild sex....I'm saying they don't handle a scenario like this in the way you portrayed it without epileptic self-image issues.
I know, I know. Generalizations are almost always wrong. Really? Are they? You find me one woman that says and does what sweet little wifey did in this story, and I'll show you 400 that would clobber you with their purse before leaving you sitting on the floor, rubbing your scalp and taking a taxi home and locking you out for a month...but then you'd have no story, would you?
Bottom line:
1. Edit, rewrite, smooth and improve. Give your best, or go home.
2. Do some relevant research about places, people, cultures, behaviors, etc. to give your story a visceral feeling that rings of reality.
THEN, you can put your considerable wordsmithing skills to better use and ask us to believe impossible things...and we will, for the sake of a worthwhile story.
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