Twenty two pages? Get an editor. Mini novels don't work well. This was WAY,WAY, WAY too wordy. The story got lost in the attempt at detail. By the 5 page I was asleep.
I swear watching paint dry would have been more entertaining.
by
Anonymous03/21/15
I loved it
Read it all the way through without stopping, i loved it!
An interesting take on the cyber to rt bdsm theme. Well done but could use rigourous editing, for one thing remove constant use of MLIF, also occasional subject/verb/tense mismatches that are jarring. For this format a breakdown into chapters would probably work better as the reader could leave and come back when March Madness games were blowouts.
Loved the characters, plot, your writing style *I'm very picky*
I look forward to more submissions from you! I agree that an editor would be of benefit but not at the cost of possibly abandoning your writing, should you not find an editor who is a good fit with you.
English
Holy crap!
Twenty two pages? Get an editor. Mini novels don't work well. This was WAY,WAY, WAY too wordy. The story got lost in the attempt at detail. By the 5 page I was asleep.
I swear watching paint dry would have been more entertaining.
I loved it
Read it all the way through without stopping, i loved it!
Wonderful story
I really enjoyed this story please give us some more soon!!!
ignore the anonymous asshat....i loved it :-) you did an amazing job
Love it!
Awesome
Loved all of it..Was kinda long..Loved the torture of the nipples and the 3 girls doing things to each other..Hope there is more..
Far too long
Quit at p6
An interesting take on the cyber to rt bdsm theme. Well done but could use rigourous editing, for one thing remove constant use of MLIF, also occasional subject/verb/tense mismatches that are jarring. For this format a breakdown into chapters would probably work better as the reader could leave and come back when March Madness games were blowouts.
very nice....
don't listen to the detractors here. The pacing is very good, although you could use a good editor
Excellent
I enjoyed this, thank you!
delightful
enjoyable & engaging tale
interesting characters.
nicely developed storyline.
easily worth 5 stars .
bdsm meets cinderella .. lol
& they lived happily ever after .
as fantasy fiction , i guess i liked it.
xxxhugsxxx
please take the editor comments in good cheer.
your story is sooo good & with a few small corrections would be truly splendid
very well done
Loved the characters, plot, your writing style *I'm very picky*
I look forward to more submissions from you! I agree that an editor would be of benefit but not at the cost of possibly abandoning your writing, should you not find an editor who is a good fit with you.
Wonderfully creative bdsm tale... very hot.
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