Love Thy Enemy

Where is Why?

Eom

5 for your effort

and for making annony write what no one can understand!!

@nonethewiser

I'm working on the story "Why", while I work on other stories (among doing multiple other things). Since I posted "Why" many things have changed, one of the most distinct changes being the ability to write as I used to. The interim has been a learning experience. Eventually, I'll satisfactorily complete "Why". Patience, my friend.

@bonnietaylor2

Eh...Thanks?

Exciting Realistic Story

Wow I could not stop reading your story.
It was well connected, in each and every part, kept my attention.
I can't wait for the ending, please hurry.
There were so many well written twists to the story line, but at the same time they kept my interest.
The death of Shela was quite a surprise and I assume that there will be more twists in the final chapter.
Thanks

Why can't your women stand?

The guy met Donna because she was falling into a thorn bush and he caught her. he meets Briget and soon she loses her balance when she stands up and he catches her. When Shela discovers her mistake she faints dead away and has a slight concussion. Amber faints and falls into a table and gashes her arm. Then she runs in front of a car. Shela gets run off the road. Every woman in your story faints or falls, and you also seem to enjoy mutilating them. Your view of women is ridiculously Victorian- when is the last time you actually saw a woman faint? And I still don't believe the relationship with Amber, and even less that he wants to marry her so soon. You write well but use sloppy plot devices when more thought would make a better story.

4*

Would have been 5 but no ending.

Name.

Bregit or Bergit, the norwegian gal? The names (both of them) are unknown to me as a norwegian. Girls called Birgit or Berit are plentiful. Why not use the google method and find a normal name used in the country of choice and at least stick to one?

Way too long

At page 7, I checked to see how long this story ran. When I saw 20 pages, I said No Way, and stopped reading.

To fucking long for one read

and it was getting borrrrring.

Ignore the others - enjoyed the very long tale.

Now submit Chapter 10 so I can see how it wraps up!

-V

I agree

I agree with Vanadorn a great read...what comes next??? Hopefully the sequel and soon!!!!

Not Impressed

I tried very hard to like this story, but in the end, I couldn't do it. It was okay, average or a little better until he went back to New York from Paris. At that point, the author introduced so many extraneous plot threads, most of which he failed to resolve by the time he ended the story, that it just ceased to be an enjoyable read. Bad craftsmanship is what I'd call it.

20 Pages

And other than proving he was a complete dick, nothing. I don't mind long stories as long as there is some character development. But other than repetitive passages about how angry he was and how she screwed him over, what do we have? Who's to like in this tale?

Whoa

Long Read, too long. The cheating wife video revenge theme, really got dragged out. Unlikable characters, silly plot, not much drama and zero humor.

sequel??

great start. nothing wrong with a long story if it is good. More PLEASE!!

dont bother writing a sequel

i dont have a week to waste. 20 pages of drawn out unrealistic crap and you still dont give us an ending.

Too Long

Although the story was quite well written, it was too long as a single chapter and should have been broken into at least 4 chapters.

There were several unneeded twists to the story including the refusal to allow the detective access and all that came from that.

I would like to see subsequent writing to complete the investigation; complete Amber's recovery; get to the marriage; get rid of the detective's ex wife.... But don't end it in 1 page or take another 20 pages.

Unconventional but good.

The story was ...provocative and interesting, if not conventional for this site. I say that in a good way and a bad way, but the writing is superb so the good ways outweigh the bad. There is character development albeit a bit slow. It took a while for Joe to get past the "pissed off husband" stage. But in real life it does take a long time to get past that. I know that real men aren't supposed to feel anything but cold indifference toward a wife who cheated on and humiliated him just because she could, but that isn't the way life works. This story reflects the slow incline that comes with acceptance of such a betrayal. Real life men have emotions that go beyond the useless need for revenge against the wife and her lover. These feelings have to be confronted and released in order to move on. This story has real characters that aren't part of some cardboard cutout of a cheating wife tale.

A good story lets you see the duality in all characters involved. In real life, there is no black and white "good guy or bad guy". People can be both in the same situation. This story does a good job showing that. I felt myself feeling bad for the helpless Shela as she was faced with the unmovable mountain of trying to make up for an angry decision made in haste. Haven't we all done that at some time? I am in no way saying that Joe owed it to her to return to her. Even decisions made in haste have consequences. In fact, those decisions are usually the most costly. How many people are on death row because of a momentary loss of reason? Though I felt bad for her, she was sleeping in a bed if a needles that she prepared. The irony of that was she prepared it for someone else.

There is no need to go through Amber's transformation, Hers was apparent. A more interesting transformation is that of Joe. While he is the victim in this story, the author does a good job of showing his flaws. His hatred blinds him on several occasions. This blindness keeps him in this prison of limbo far longer than if he just let it go. The reason why he couldn't let it go was because he didn't want to acknowledge the fact that he STILL HAD FEELINGS FOR HIS WIFE. I know that many people will argue against this, but sometimes the true barometer of what a person feels is what they try to do to prove that they don't feel a certain way. His constant need to be away from her and to dismiss any contact with her was the most telling. He did that because he couldn't face what he really felt. The only reason why he initiated contact with her was to try to prove she did something that would further put him out of his life. The final nail in the coffin, so to speak. Now, this may have led to his forgiveness and release of her, but no matter what he said or did with Amber, their relationship was doomed because he was still in love with his wife. Hatred is not the opposite of love. It is merely an extension of it. You can't hate someone that you don't care about. No, the opposite of love is indifference. You can't hate someone you don't care about because you DON'T CARE.

My only complaint of this story is that it is too long to not have an ending. I feel cheated in that I have read all of these pages and there are still loose ends. It would have been better to split the story up into chapters than to put this unfinished tale up in one sitting.

I do see the possibilities of follow up stories and spin offs. Very DanielQSteele of you dear author! I hope you have this in mind.

Almost

I hope the ending lives up to the start. The long length doesn't bother me, but waiting forever for the ending certainly will. Please finish!

Love it

OnE of the best stories I have read here in a long time.

Outstanding

Story...looking forward to conclusion.

I'm not sure

I really struggled to appraise this story because I found it fluctuated between brilliant & bizarre; add in the extreme length & I nearly gave it a 3. It was generally very well written & for the most part was realistic & an enjoyable read.
However, the really bizarre section, was the letter that Sheila had somehow communicated to one of her nurses, I, for the life of me can not understand how she could possibly have used that language & words just by blinking, 1 blink - no, 2 blinks - yes. It also meant the nurse would have needed to ask many, many questions to get even 5% of what was written & just think of the time it would take, surely nurses are too busy for that. So did the nurse just make it up or was Sheila actually able to talk at that stage, if so it didn't seem to be mentioned in the story. NO, it just seemed too unrealistic & stupid to have even been included in the first place.
Write to improve or expand your story, not just to fill up space. I look forward to the conclusion, but please not another 20 pages, 3 - 5 will do. 4 ****

Is There More?

It would be nice to so indicate by labeling this as Part 1 or ending with "to be continued." I may have to revisit my earlier comment if there is indeed a conclusion.

I'm surprised at as many readers enjoyed the story. I wrote it several years ago, and it sat stored on a disc until recently. As I explained in the legal/preamble header, there is one more (and final) chapter in the works. I intend to have it completed and edited within two weeks.

As a note of some disinterest, this story eventually gave me the idea for "Why".

As for the story's lengthiness, even in submitting all chapters simultaneously, each chapter would yet be processed and approved separately (by the good people at Literotica), thus extending the time to post the story's entirety. Not to mention, I'm lazy at times and I was lazy the day of submittal, too lazy to break up the story into several files.

Regards to all,

JLR

Look forward to the close

Read it all in two sittings... just could not stop. That is great writing to hold interest that well. Others seemed too involved to stop also.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

I don't get

peoples complaints that a story is too long. Things have their own pace and rythm, and a story takes its time.

that having been said, the main character is such a self centred arse

it won't stop me reading a sequel just to find out how it turns out

Twenty Pages!!

I'll wait for the movie.

Ya know......

I quite liked it!

Excellent albeit odd story

I don't understand the police detective turning into a monster at the end. I don't understand why they can't find this Gary asshole. Fascinating story, though. Looking forward to the wrap-up.

Holy cat crap...does anyone talk with civility to others in your world. Over described? A little but the length didn't bother me so much as the way your characters performed in the story. I hope the police Lt. has a stroke, lord knows he's been working on one for the last third of the story. And the doctor, what a complete cunt. I hope we don't have wait long for your ending.

One hell of a story

A tad convoluted at times but excellent work 5*

If one looks around, there are many instances of rudeness and outright abuse. I'm relatively thankful, most of that takes the form of verbal abuse. I deal with people at various levels of society, and one common theme among all those people is their flare for heaping verbal abuse. Most of us become annoyed, frustrated, angry, and even hateful, at others and for various reasons. Some of those reasons might not make sense to many of us, yet play out the same as any other reason that causes abusive outbursts.

Daily, there are a multitude of news stories that center on the effects and consequences of verbal and emotional abuse. Despite the rational I've expressed concerning such behavior I don't condone the use of it. However, it is part of reality. I could write a story without such foul language and tidal wave of emotion, but i would be hard put to sell it as realistic.

On the other hand, in a perfect world...

@ javmor79

Thanks for the breakdown of the story. You have pretty well pegged it. Human emotion is what drives any of us to succeed, and yes, to fail. Specifically, in most relationships. It's also what drives most fictional stories of romance and betrayal. I think we all derive things from fiction that we apply to our lives. Yet, by the same token, we apply our real lives to fiction. A case in point, Mario Puzo wrote a now famous book that had the unintended consequence of changing the public's perception of the Mafia, and ironically, also altering the behavior and mannerisms of mob members.

OMG

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!! Waaaaay toooo loooong!! (see what I did there?). It was a good story though......hopefully the next story of yours I read will be much shorter!!

@bruce_parker

I write both, short and long stories. My one, of many sins, is that I'm not always certain of how lengthy a longer story will turn out to be. "Claim It!" was originally novel length, at slightly less than 120,000 words. I took great liberty in shortening its wordiness to what was posted. Editing it in such a way also had the unintended result of disjointing (among other things) the story a bit. Readers Digest called that sort of editing an abridged story. They even became famous because of publishing such abridged stories. Either way, whatever the final word count, that's how any future story will be posted.

I've read countless stories on this website and others. and some of those stories were quite lengthy. To be honest, however, I sometimes skipped a (probably a good ) story that was simply too long to read at the time. So I understand.

To those readers and commentators I've not specifically addressed,

Thanks for reading and commenting -even if it was a negative review. I wish I had the quick touch typing skills and the time to individually thank everyone. However, I'm lacking at both things.

Regards to all,

JLR

*****

This is quite a good story. Good writing as well. A few typos, but not to worry. Anyone involved with Joe loses limbs, Huh? The Viking broad should be ashamed of herself. Shela was loony. Bernard brought his home problems to work. Joe should forget about pussy entirely. Cheers!

@gator

The detective became an asshole because he wasn't getting any sleep and he was being turned into a grouchy fuck by the presence of his ex overwhelming him. He took it out on someone else. He was under pressure before that but can't take it out on her because of his sons, and the whole cheating thing has become raw for him again.

Balloon

Did you just pop balloon and let out the air? After dragging us through 20 episodes and then poof it was over? wth kind of ending was that?

Thanks for writing a fine story

It is especially interesting that you painted such word pictures that I was unable to stop thinking about him. The fact that people in shock situations do not avoid complicating life seems very true to life. We react first and regret afterwards.

The Amber's ex trying to kill her explains the sequence though it generates an even worse. Bernie really wasn't thinking, why would the husband inform him of his wife's
death in the hospital if he is going there for ulterior purposes?

Inconsistency in Hubby

Gee. Not a lot of characters to like (or respect!)

But Hubby is presented with two very different faces. Several people emphatically come to his defense regarding his alleged infidelity ... but NOT Sweetie, certainly not her BFF, nor Sweetie's parents. (Later, the police lieutenant and Sweetie's doctor are willing to doubt him, but that could be based on objectivity and training.) Hubby maintains a very standoffish attitude towards his French subordinates, and an actively antagonistic posture with the police LT and Sweetie's doctor. That antagonism seems to be motivated by Hubby's pique at not being treated like an innocent colleague.

Unfortunately, such a characteristic would severely impede the success of a senior administrator. That accomplishment was ALSO written into Hubby's character.

Alternatively, Hubby is also presented as a model husband, based on pre-CousinHank defense of Hubby by Sweetie in response to anti-Hubby grinching by her BFF and her parents. That view of Hubby-As-Boyfriend is later echoed by the Scandinavian Roomie then by Amber's Amatory Re-assessment.

Confusing! The opus is an interesting read, if messy (as implicitly promisedby the author)! Especially painful is not naming Hubby Troy or Carl, or even Joseph (rather than the awkward Joeseph)! A number of topics are repeated in the same level of emphasis. A short reminder of a point deemed critical by the author is often useful, but a total repeat is insulting and wasteful to the reader.

I notice, Remora, that you ALSO like to answer comments. Instead WRITE, please, on your creative efforts. Re-read your preface, then act accordingly. Allow commenters to quibble amongst ourselves.

Liked it

Good story. Easier to read being one submission rather than many separate chapters, but still no conclusion. Are you writing more?

I've been working on the final chapter. With any luck, I'll have it completed in about 2 weeks. I'll try for less time, but don't anyone hold their breath.

Rating tbd

Thunk. Ending? Hope this isn't the conclusion,
Interesting read and decent character / situational development. Will wait on a score till I see if there will be an ending posted. At this stage it is, IMO, incomplete.

Well Done

A few things that didn't jive about the reactions of Joe and of Lt. Richards but overall a good story. I feel it could have written in a more condensed version but sometimes your characters won't let you tone things down.

There is a lot left to this story and I hope to see the conclusion soon. Thanks for your hard work.

Woodmanone

Very well written

I can hardly wait for the conclusion!

A complicated and comprehensive story. Worth every one of the 5*

I am, however, hoping for more to this story.

It took a long time get almost nowhere

We read about a very large cast of people, none of whom were very likable.
Being around Joe is very dangerous. If you are female and express interest in him you are in danger of being hit by a car. The only exception was Bergit and she left the next morning never to be heard from again?
The longer the story went, the more despicable Shela became. Eventually becoming almost full on bonkers. But what a horrible fate for her to suffer. When you decide to kill someone off you do it with flair.
A couple of questions I hope your wrap up will answer:
How did Gary Evan Stausberg find Shela if the police couldn't? How did he know to be on the highway in the exact place, and at just the right moment, after she had been off grid for so long and only used her burner phone once?
Why couldn't Amber's parents have been staying in her apartment while she was in hospital?
Why is the Detective so hard to read? Just when he appeared to becoming partly human he goes almost bipolar. Yes, his ex is back in his house. Yes, he is losing sleep. But, telling the Albany police to hold Joe because he is a murder suspect? And do it in such an underhanded way? It is a good thing Joe has friends in high places.
The "interview" conducted in the Albany hospital by the detective does not make sense. How could Joe completely space out and not remember an hour of the time he spent in the room with Shela? How could he not have had enough interest in the questions being asked to pay attention? Why are we to accept the version told by the detective considering his actions and behaviour before and after the trip to Albany? By using Joe's voice during that period we are deaf and blind to what actually happened in that small room. And, considering Dr. Phati's protective attitude toward Shela, why was the interview not recorded, or a member of hospital staff present?
We are left with the morbid thought that Joe's parting words to Shela took away her last will to live. Was your intent to leave him with so onorous a mental burden?
Slipping in Gary near the end reminded me a bit of the old Perry Mason shows, we would watch as the case was presented by the prosecutor, but with only two minutes left to go the private investigator would walk in the back door of the court room, hand Perry something that had not been mentioned or seen before, the new evidence would be presented, and the judge would bring down his gavel setting the accused free and dismissing all charges.
I will be watching for the coda. But I hope it won't take another 20 pages to wrap it up.

good

OK. When do we get the end of this story. I'm hooked and hate to be left hanging.