All Comments on 'Cave Woman, Cave Man'

OMG - that was so hot and sexy. And weird. Did you really just have a cave woman do the first pole dance on a spear? And is the cave man so evolved that he gave his woman dirty oral sex? And don't even get me started on the bear. Fucking weird, hot, sexy, original and well written. My favorite line (if forced to chose): "I will slay boars and my spawn can drink blood, and I will nourish myself on that laugh."

And without using dialogue, you turned it into an extremely satisfying romantic love story. Did I mention it was funny too? I'm giving you a standing ovation over here. Only because I don't have a pole or spear.

And imaginative. I liked the change from the norm, and of course, this is about an act as old as time itself.

of the cave bear? Great books.

@Anonymous (Crazy Sexy!): The boar blood line was one of my favorites too. I guess great minds think alike!

@Anonymous (Very clever): I don't think I've written anything that's "the norm" yet! I think it would be a real challenge for me ...

@Averygoodlay: I think I read the first of those books when I was a teenager. Maybe I even read more than one. But I got really sad in the movie when Harrison Ford killed Daryl Hannah using that poisonous snake. Hmm. Am I remembering that right?

I can't help wonder how authentic this is. I liked the pole dance part.

I read one time a scientific study on the study of sexuality in ancient history why women would mate with so many partners, basically to insure procreation but the beginning of sloppy seconds.

WEIRD HOPE YOU WRITE NO MORE...

but I don't like reading fantasy stories. I know, Literotica = fantasy, but still, it's a strictly personal thing, not an objective criticism, but I like to get drawn into a world away from my own for a few minutes, and that's why I am on this site.

The problem I have with first person, present tense fantasies is this is how it feels when I am reading them:

(This is not real)You squat at the edge of the lake with a hand on one knee while the other hand reaches out to pat the water and send your spirit self shivering and wrinkling away.

(This is not real)Then you let the water calm until she returns, only to do it again.

(This is not real)The russet tangles of your hair hide your face, but there is much else to see.

And I never get to the suspension of disbelief over the noise of the implicit disclaimer. I know, reading about 10 million ex-Navy SEALs that inhabit some of the stories on this site certainly strains the credulity of any discerning reader, but still, if the writer just gives me a chance, an opening, I am able to squeeze myself (mostly) into their world for a moment and see a different life than any I will ever know first hand.

I do read all sorts of fantasy stories on this site, even SciFi fantasy stories, but only when the story teller draws me in and lets me forget that it's just a story, when the writer tells me the truth about feelings, needs and fears albeit cloaked in the garb of fiction.

Sorry for the narcissistic novella of a comment, but let's get down to my actual comments about this story. My personal taste limitations aside, this story was intriguing as hell. I would have loved to get lost in this author's weird fantasy world of primeval sexuality. What an unusual, interesting way to delve into the truth deep inside each of us today.

I loved "pat the water and send your spirit self shivering and wrinkling away"--that was fascinating, the author is seeing a world I never dreamt of, I want more of that. But, again putting my personal tastes and limitations first, please open the door and let me into your world, don't keep me on the other side of the glass looking in by describing each figure in the museum display case with such a detached story telling technique.

You can, if you care more about my opinion than about any others (why would you not?), choose first person, *or* present tense, but not both.

"Remember Red, [weirdness] is a good thing, maybe the best of things," so please bring us your weirdness and share it with us as the glistening wonder that it is, but let us take it into our hearts and heads, not keep it at arms length. Ultimately, the weirdness is within us all, not outside, not other, so don't tell us about it like it's out there instead of in here.

5* for content and imagination and in recognition that my personal preferences are not really the law of the universe(s).

@wdbtchr: I did my dissertation on g-string tipping conventions in the pre-dollar-bill paleolithic societies of the upper Neander Valley, so I'm pretty confident everything in this story is 100% accurate. Glad you like it!

@Anonymous (WEIRD FANTASY): I'm afraid you'll be disappointed, but I do intend to continue my writing career. In the spirit of generosity, though, I'll let you know that if you thought this one was weird, you definitely shouldn't read my story IMAGCASM, which is much, much weirder. Sorry to be too weird for you.

@avidfa: I must say, I deeply appreciate your ability to distinguish between authorial techniques that don't suit your tastes and the overall worth of a story. I really liked all of your analysis, but I wonder if you could break down what it is about the first person + present tense combination that is so disruptive to your reading. I personally have more difficulty reading third person present tense, but I couldn't tell you why. I'm pretty sure it's why I hated Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon, even though it's jam-packed with elements I usually like. It always interests me to see if I can figure out why techniques do or don't work in a given situation, the better to balance my use of them later.

to one word: 'You', the very first word in the story.

From your point of view, 'you' is the woman your narrator is watching, but it can't be.

From the reader's point of view, when the narrator says 'you' outside of direct address, it means us, the readers, because the narrator is telling his tale to us, the readers. But, in this case, the narrator is explicitly *not* addressing the woman nor the readers, he is privately describing her actions but to whom? Not to her, not to us, not even, it seems, to himself. So, while he could say, "You can see her squat," or "She squats," and either would work, when he says "You squat" he is telling me, the reader, that I have no standing here, not as a participant, nor even as an auditor.

So, the very first word of the story excludes me from it. That 'you' can only be me, but when you make it not me, you are telling me that this is just your personal, alone time fantasy and I'm just listening in, but not even as a voyeur, rather just as an eavesdropper overhearing some kind of creepy guy muttering under his breath to the victim he is stalking.

Anyway, that's as specific as I can get. Maybe the issue isn't first person + present tense, but the diagram relating the narrator and his subject to the reader.

Great explanation! That makes total sense. I'd be really interested to know if that reaction is equally prevalent among male and female readers, since females could theoretically fantasize themselves in the "you" role more easily than males could inject themselves into the "I" role. The latter requires one to not only identify with the narrator's maleness, but also with his extremely specific intent of communicating something to the woman he loves.

The I/you choice here was really intended to isolate the narrator's world to the object of his affections, and it's addressed to her because he does not have these words to communicate with her. The fact that his narration is verbal at all forces a suspension of disbelief on the reader. My hope was that it wouldn't be too great a leap from there to being able to identify with his obsessive need to address all his actions to her. But I knew there was some risk in that, and I imagine plenty of readers likely feel the way you did.

Thanks for taking the time to elucidate!

if for no other reason than no one else that i have found writes in this time period. i dont know what you have read of ancient man, but you could do no worse than reading jean auel 'clan of the cave bear' series. i thought that she really nailed the ancient man sexual experience. GOOD JOB!!!

I read the Jean Auel books ages ago and found them very entertaining, but I don't otherwise remember much about them. Very glad you liked this one, though!

Rough, Brutal and still enjoyed by both.

Well Done and Different.

Ramjet

I often forget that I wrote this story, because it gets fewer comments than most of my work. Glad you enjoyed this one too!

You have a great way with words my friend.

Thanks! I'm speechless!

; )

Impressive!! VERY well written! NO TYPOS and no redundant (typical erotic) phrases. It's very original and worded perfectly. I'm very impressed with your style and originality! It's realistic and not stupid for a 'fantasy?' -of sorts, kind of story. Your writing is very descriptive and stimulating, but not foul or tacky. I'd enjoy reading more of your writs, if available. On a 1 to 10 scale, I'd easily mark it 10¾ (haha)... Great job! ~Jo

Thanks! I’m glad you liked it! This is the story that gets the least notice of all my stuff, so it’s nice to hear someone appreciates it. Hopefully you’ll enjoy my others too if you check my profile.

What an amazing story, I really wish there were more stories about cave women...