Parents Aren't In

Liked it. Good first effort. Look forward to what comes next

Good Teaser

I do want to read more of these adventures between the siblings. The story could use a little background, but you have enough here to build on if you want, or you can work with these two the way it is. More please

this was a terrible story, but what is to be expected by wannabe authors who have no experience with women and don't know how to write women's behaviors? Girls don't like huge dicks. They hurt. But guys with little dicks love to create a false grander about huge dicks that is not natural. I don't care what you losers think from watching porn but those guys have surgery to cut the ligament in the penis to make it longer. God this site is full of crappy writers. I am going to stop reading this filth.

Written by a 14 year-old with one hand in his pants

Complete junk, yet another skinny pencil-dick with a 'hot girls love huge cocks and want to have their faces sprayed with cum' fixation. Note to self for your future writings: No they don't, so get real, stop watching porn, those women have twats like a wizard's sleeve because they've been fucked THOUSANDS of times, and the guy goes all over their face because that's the 'money shot' that finishes the scene to prove he came. Go get laid when you're old to actually have sex, then write about what you know. 1 star, this is runny ass-juice of the worst sort, we the readers should be able to vote to have shit like this summarily deleted for being a blight on the landscape. Go away, little boy.

why the savage attacks?

DD is a very young guy, 18 to 22 years old. Like lots and lots of guys (and plenty of gals), young and old, he's got a strong interest in family fucking, in this case big brother and kid sister fucking. A big hunky brother sticking his big fat cock up his sweet baby sister's cute little coochie is great in my book. All siblings should definitely try it, at least once, just so see how well cock and coochie fit together. (Hint: they fit together like a hand in a glove.) As for the story, I think the author did a pretty good job with his first- time contribution. If a reader disagrees, the civil thing to do is to politely point out what's wrong and maybe suggest some paths to improvement. Instead, we have a couple of bozos setting out to destroy the budding young writer, including with predictable sneers at his hero's super-sized penis. Look, you supercilious jerks--most females are kind of plain-looking and not particularly well-developed on top. So is a writer of erotica supposed to omit girls who are strikingly pretty, even beautiful, with big gorgeous breasts, a couple of delightful handfuls? Hey, DD, old pal--ignore the commenters who feel the need to kvetch and undermine. Instead, pay attention to the other readers, like myself, who warmly appreciate your effort. And follow your own star.

Nice short story

Revealing feelings that many guys have for sis. It can be wonderful when they get together and help each other out. Keep writing, it may help achieve your desire.

Pretty Good

I think for your first submission you did a fine job. Let them criticize; no writer can improve unless he learns by writing. I also like the fact that it was a "one pager." Some of them get so long - you run out of time and interest!

Some suggestions

The really good stories about sibling sex all have a plausible introduction leading up to the actual sex. Thats as important as the sex itself as it gives a sense of realism. Then keep the actual sex part real as well but make it more descriptive. Your story has to paint a picture in the readers mind and make them feel as if they are not only there watching, but are themselves one of the characters experiencing every second of the story. Describe what is seen, smelled, felt, tasted and heard. Watch out for continuity - things which are impossible or improbable. Shes on the bed getting screwed royally yet she scoops her thong off the floor and sticks it in her mouth? Really? Erotic stories are fantasy and you can write what you want but monstrous cocks in super-tight pussies is over-worked and unrealistic. I think you made a good start so keep writing but keep reading your work and polishing it to perfection before you publish and you will soon be getting 4 and 5 stars. Don't worry about the idiots with their destructive criticisms. You have the talent - it just needs to be developed.

fair story

for your first try it was ok with a little more practice you will get much better you need to work on the details more though and not worry about a fast ending even a 2 page story is small for this site me i like them 2-3 pages but have read them 9 plus pages a little long i think at that rate but a good story holds ones attention till the end

Sucks

Just another 9" cock does NOT make a story

It has potential

But you must drag it out a little bit more, if you make this into a serial. Add some more foreplay and teasing..

sorry but the 9 inch still lmfao piddler got me lmfao

Yeah ,, go use it to lassoo the fucking gate post lmfao
gave it , lmfao a lmfao big lmfao fucking lmfao ace roflmfao

3 stars for a first effort.

Skimpy on sex and plot, but what you did write had a reasonable style for an early work. Add a little more padding next time and the only way to become a reasonable writer is to keep writing - practise makes you know what, though achieving 'perfect' is only for the few.

Nice first effort

Now that was okay!!!! I love stories like that - and you need to keep 'em cumming - I LOVE to read incest stories to fill my shorts with cum!!!!!

very hot

I found myself masturbating to the point of cumming. My pussy is very sloshy wet reading this. Make it a sequel.

It wasn't poorly written, my suggestion is to make it more realistic. This is not something that would ever happen in real life.