The Second Place Sister

Avid Literotica Reader

Absolutely astounding debut. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to adding you to my very select list of must-read authors.

It was too much for me

Not the 40 plus pages but tori. It was way too much. If something like this happen to any family member I will kill the person that did it. Steph got off way too easy. Wish Tori got some form of revenge in the end.

Otherwise the sex was hot. After reading it though I need to read some sibling love story to make me forget what poor tori went through.

Thanks so much

Thanks a lot for the great comments. I really appreciate your taking the time to read it.

Great story!!!

Amazing job with this story! I loved it, I hope we get to read more stories from you!

I see

You are a very talented writer and I think your story would have been rated higher if it weren't for a couple of things. It really shouldn't matter though but this is just my opinion.

(Other readers, spoilers follow. Fair warning)

I think you should have included a non consent tag. While there was a lot of incest there was also a lot of non consent. This might have caused other readers to not vote or vote lower. If there was non consent I think most would have understood and not vote lower.

Personally I think it is a very tragic story and here is why. We are talking about an innocent girl that was setup by her sister and altered into a nymphomaniac biologically/mentally and in the process lost all her true aspirations ( her future) and her self worth to the point where the only thing she could do is porn for the rest of her life basically. In the end she was forced into it because it was not her decision to go this route. Imagine your daughter wanting to be a ballerina but was drugged and trained to be a sex addict which she ends up becoming.

What is even worse is that she did not in any way shape or form deserve any of it and the perpetrator basically got away scott free and is her sister of all people no less. So I hope you understand how gutted I am by the end of reading 47 pages which is a testament to how good you are. It was a very gut wrenching and tragic story for me personally. Things would have been a bit better if Stpeh would have shown more remorse but she basically got everything she wanted in the end and have not paid for the horrendous things she did to her sister that really only loved her.

You have a real talent at writing for sure. If you were to write a lighter romantic story (hint, hint) I believe it could end up in the hall of fame here.

Please don't take this comment in a negative light as you did an excellent job. I just was too distraught in the end that I had to let you know lol!.

Stunning debut

Great job. I do think Stephanie does need to pay though. Perhaps leave her in charge of the sites, but slowly because of remorse over everything, become the fuck toy for the whole family, including Tori. Even at 47 pages, I think you still have a lot of potential left in this tale, including after exploring the exploitation of other girls, the epic fall of NewYou, the continuing dynamics of the family itself, the future workings/antics of the website, and more adventures with Amy. (She fucked all her 7 brothers, but where did she learn to suck pussy, does she have sisters as well or did her mom teach that specific talent?) An awesome beginning, but you have lots of potential storyline. Keep up the good work.

Lava

Its an awesome tale. Thanks

Loved Every Page

Thanks for sharing. This had a lot of my darker kinks in it, that are hard to find. It is hard to weave LezDom, reluctance/non-con, D/s, and genuine love into a tale of incest that is a bit of a mind fuck and do it well and believably. I think you did a great job with this. That said, given my kinks, I would have loved this to be even longer and really worked in more character development, especially in the area of Stephanie's feelings, and increased the internal conflict in Stephanie throughout. I thought you did a great job of this at the end, but would have liked to see more of it earlier to make the end confrontation, the forgiveness, and self forgiveness a bit more natural.

Selfishly, I also think you could have gone longer and progressed darker to get to a more natural conflict in which Tori starts to question Stephanie's love, while Stephanie's inner demons push her to go darker while knowing she is out of control and what she is doing to Tori is undeserved, but she keeps rationalizing it. You could even drive Tori to a place where she feels like she has to prove her love for Stephanie by doing said unspeakable things to her, and watch Stephanie torture herself at what she is doing to Tori but can't stop herself. Phewwww...this one really got my motor going! Kudos to you Mr. Hamlin! Favorited, and will be on the lookout for more from you.

PS - If anyone has any more of these types of stories out there to share, or recommend I am all ears!

PSS - I strongly encourage you to change your story tags to add tags that touch on what can be polarizing kinks. 2 reasons. I know I search for these items, and want to find stories that have these kinks in them. Also, I know some readers would rate your story really low if they were surprised by these kinks being in a story if not properly warned by the story tags. I do not want anyone to vote you low for this reason. Tags I would add are, non-con/reluctance, D/s, LezDom, drugs, and mind control/personality modification.

You are the writer

However it would be nice if Toriˊs condition can wear off over time. She can then decide freely weather she wants to continue as is or go back to being an athelete or both?. Perfer if she would really choose to be a slut on her own true free will without being conditioned or coherced into it as i feel is the case still at the end of book 1. As you stated I also really care about your characters and mostly poor Tori. It would be heartbreaking if she is forced into beastaility or interracial.

Thanks so much

I really appreciate all the messages and comments. Just keep in mind that the story isn't over. Tori won't be getting any kind of revenge, so to speak, but that doesn't mean Stephanie won't be paying for her actions. Stay tuned for part 2!

amazing!

I love this story! please add on to this story! i would love to know what happens!

no revenge on steph

I think it is not needed. However I do think she should try to make amends to Tori somehow.

The sisters are in a very good place now that I would be sad if they become not good sisters again.

Through it all love did come through and it was quite heartwarming.

I would actually love if both fall in love with one another.

Agree with one commenter here. No beastility or interracial pls. Keep it incest and consenting dirty nastu sluts.

Amazing

Started reading it and it got better and better. I liked Tori from the beginning and felt Steph was more than a little spoiled. I hope your Part 2 has her getting a little commupance and being on the receiving side of things more than in this part. Again extremely well done and thanks.

Best story I've read

This was an amazing story. I started out thinking tori was a little stuck up but by the end she clearly wasn't lol. I'm glad to see Stephaine has let go of her anger. I really liked her and was hoping she'd end up being a better person honestly that was the best story I've read on this site and I loved it. Keep right I can't wait to read what comes next

Absolutely great

This was a great story. I couldn't keep my hands off my own equipment. The twists were also well wrote. Thank you

Fuck Steph

You should write some peices with steph fucking. I would have loved to read her being fucked by Mr. Hart.
This is a great work and steph is one of my favorite pieces of ass lately.

Loved it!!!

I wanted Stephanie to finally get her dad to do anal on her. Kept waiting for it. Hopefully there will be more stories with this same group!

Best story i've read

Read this story over the space of a few months whenever I was feeling horny and I must have came at least 100 times, my pussy couldn't get enough. The story line was gripping and the sex was hot as fuck. Just wish my daddy would fuck me like Mr Hamlin fucks his little girl

Wow!!!

Very hot and kinky as hell!! But, that being said, the story structure and character development was nothing short of impressive. Especially the emotional and psychological dynamic between the twins! Particularly Stephanie. The layers of feels in this... Dayum!!! I tip my hat to you! Keep up the good work!

My favorite story

Very impressive. I hope you will write other stories at the NewYou Clinic and Dr. Swell. She's really twisted.

Bravo.

I was bothered by the relationship between tori and Stephanie but I was glad I stuck it out

This was a masterpiece, and I hate you....

For writing such an AMAZING story....in FORTY. SEVEN. PAGES. Please for the love of all, cut the next bit into some more manageable pieces. This serves the dual purpose of keeping your readers engaged/coming back for more, and I won't be quite as sore from reading 25 pages straight without being able to put it down. This was an utter masterpiece.

Hot story

WoW!

Too damn hot!

That has to easily be one of the best stories I've even encountered on Literotica. Funny, sexy as hell, and compelling to read. Other authors need to read this as the example of how to keep your readers coming back during a long story.

Bravo Zulu! (Great job!)

Great Story

I Actually enjoy and prefer a long sory when its good. Very Well done

5/5

Simply put this was an excellent read and I hope to see more of your writing with these characters in the future!

This story

This story was one of the most fucked up, psychotic, weird, and absolutely disgusting erotica stories I've ever read. And I loved every moment of it. I'm not into incest, but the other topics this story focused on were enough to make me start reading it, and once I started I couldn't get enough! It was an absolute rollercoaster for me. This is A+ and I will be looking into you and seeing if you've written anything else. If you have, I'm reading it, I don't care the topic. If you haven't please do! You're a great writer and this just had me hooked. There were times when I thought the incest of it would be too much for me and I'd just drop it like I have so many other stories but it was so well written and the characters (especially Stephie) so developed and deep. I just couldn't put it down!!

Best story ever on Literotica

I just wanted to commend you on this masterpiece. So hot and nuanced and fucked up. This had me so horny and distracted at work I couldn't get anything done. I didn't ever want it to end but finally I finished, maybe just in time to save my job. Thank you Hamlin and please keep writing.

Not Enough Stars to give

This is easily the best written story I have read on here. Very well done. 5 stars is not enough..

A mastepiece

I don't know how I missed your story before today because it was amazing.
I wasn't all that enthusiastic to read your story. I'm not into the father/daughter thing and 47 pages seemed too much. But the idea of the good girl turned into a slut was appealing so I gave it a shot and I'm glad I did.
So I started reading and I couldn't stop after that. The 47 pages passed so fast and there was not a single moment the story was boring to read. Usually in long stories there are moments when you think "hurry up and bring out the good stuff" but here there never was.

It was exciting to read from start to finish and all of it come one after another so smoothly. You didn't drift in ridiculous substories or slowed the story just to make it longer like many authors do. And thank you for giving it go us in just one chapter so we didn't have to wait.

I just have one complain : the ending. It came so abruptly and there were so much things you left unanswered. Did the clinic been brought down? Did Stephanie join her sister in her porn carrier?

Anyway, I'm looking forward for your next story if you ever write one.

How do you title for a comment on a story like this?!

Everything about this was lustfully delicious. One of the best erotica stories I have ever read. The plot was original and unique....and it wasn't just about the hot fucking - there was a very deep storyline. I will be watching for more of your stories! If you ever need someone to help with editing, please email me! sweet_jess2587@ymail.com

Yes

What a story. This was just epic. Every one has covered everything else. I just had to leave a comment.

Just yes.

To all of it.

What a ride!

That was a hell of a good time, Hamlin. I can't wait to read more of the whole gang's fun. Stephie is one domineering and jealous bitch, but she got straightened out by the end. Tori and Cindy are so sweet. Melanie is a goddess, and John and Mike are quite capable fuckers. Thanks for the very perverted and twisted tale. How you can follow this up will prove to be very interesting!

5/5

Reading this story was an amazing experience. It kept me so hot, but I also became attached to the characters. Your writing style is absolutely extraordinary.
Sending much love and admiration your way-this is truly the online fiction I've ever read.

For a porn story, it's a 5 out of 5, but it reads like a first draft without real editing. You have a lot of extra words as if you thought a high word count would make it better. The easy part is the first draft, the hard part is condensing your writing into a solid piece of work.

Engaging story

You see, I really came to hate Stephie and that's something I really enjoyed. Part of me doesn't like how you concluded the story, because there wasn't much justice. Then again, you made me swallow it and that's something I can appreciate as a writer. All in all it was a great read and certainly more than just porn, although you managed to keep the sexiness interesting all the way through. Which is another accomplishment to be proud of, as fictional sex can get repetitive quite easily.
So, I could go on and on about little points of criticism, but the whole package is 10/10 so I won't bother. Thanks for the amazing read.