What a stupid place to start, halfway through a paragraph, and an even less definite finish; how long did it take you to write this? Because it took me 20 seconds to read it.
A story has to have 5 elements; setup/introduction, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution. None of those are here, this is just a couple of paragraphs that seem like they've been clipped from the middle of a story as a teaser.
Take note: 5 pages of Word text = I full page on Literotica, I copied & pasted this into Word, guess what? 1 page. Why did you even bother? Next time, either write at least 1 proper scene of the story, or get to the point sooner. I wish I could give you half a star, as this is only half of the opening scene, so I'll have to give you 1 star.
The idea isn't a bad one, however the execution was lacking. There was too little content and not enough plot. Please take a do-over, and add all of the elements you left out.
I think you need to pay attention to the language. A mother and son who have possibly lived together all their lives, would not speak as if they are from 2 different regions of the kingdom.
by
Anonymous04/25/15
horny aussie
what a load of crap !!!!
by
Anonymous05/31/15
Love it !
The idea is really interesting (and the use of the "ancient" english too !) and I really love what's going on between this queen and her son. I suggest you to, maybe, add more descriptions and build a bit more the plot. Oh and why is it so shooort ? I was really going into it when...when nothing ugh Can't wait for the next chapter ! Please give us more about those two !
English
Suddenly, nothing happened
What a stupid place to start, halfway through a paragraph, and an even less definite finish; how long did it take you to write this? Because it took me 20 seconds to read it.
A story has to have 5 elements; setup/introduction, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution. None of those are here, this is just a couple of paragraphs that seem like they've been clipped from the middle of a story as a teaser.
Take note: 5 pages of Word text = I full page on Literotica, I copied & pasted this into Word, guess what? 1 page. Why did you even bother? Next time, either write at least 1 proper scene of the story, or get to the point sooner. I wish I could give you half a star, as this is only half of the opening scene, so I'll have to give you 1 star.
Please re-write and re-submit.
The idea isn't a bad one, however the execution was lacking. There was too little content and not enough plot. Please take a do-over, and add all of the elements you left out.
I think you need to pay attention to the language. A mother and son who have possibly lived together all their lives, would not speak as if they are from 2 different regions of the kingdom.
horny aussie
what a load of crap !!!!
Love it !
The idea is really interesting (and the use of the "ancient" english too !) and I really love what's going on between this queen and her son. I suggest you to, maybe, add more descriptions and build a bit more the plot. Oh and why is it so shooort ? I was really going into it when...when nothing ugh Can't wait for the next chapter ! Please give us more about those two !
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