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English
I like it so far but the problem I find
Is that taking away someone's free will makes it too easy...to unsatisfying. It's like playing God mode on Call of Duty, there's no challenge and you know, deep down, that the other players are better than you and if cheating is the only way you can win???
A yeah, I give this a four star rating because its more then a mindless fuck story.
Great atmosphere please keep going!
i liked the direction and tone of the story. well done more please.
Wow! Just wow.....I don't know why but this story has grabbed me by the.....
....balls, got my entire attention and interest.....and has left me hungry for more.
Please continue!
Your writing seems nearly flawless, we care about Tristan after only a few paragraphs. We hope he succeeds and want to see his story go on.
Bastard! You've stolen our imaginations and filled us with desire for the languorous, subtle intimacy of summer love with dusky, generous women.
Have you lived in Brazil? Your woman in the hut leaves a very strong impression of making love with Brazilian women...in my opinion, among the best women in all the world to make love with. Generous and happy in the sharing, giving and affectionate, willing, warm and accepting....always with a pretty, happy smile.....God! I'm in the wrong place. I need to get back there....find my Ángela and make some babies.
I like it
Almost a Zelazny feel to the flow
Total nonsense
Worst story I have read for a long time it's just drivel !!!
Spectacular first chapter
Engaging, well paced, erotic and free of the warn phrasing that is typical in this genre. And hot.
Five from me!
asianToy
Obvious plot hole
What happened to the trail mix!?
More than I expected
A much deeper and wider story than most here. Certainly much more than I expected when in initiated the first click. Very interesting start to the reception of Mind Control powers. Much, much more fun, interesting, and creative than "I got electrocuted, or I got hit by a train, or ..."
I enthusiastically look forward to follow up.
Tops Again!
I'm rereading this after chapter 4 was released, and consumed.
This will be one in the top series on this site for years to come. Awesome read!
Thank you,
asianToy
(fellow writer - well, gal writer... but you understand.
Amazing
All my 5 stars so far have been nothing compared to this!
So Um...
It's got my attention, but I can't tell if I really like it or I really hate it.
I know I don't understand the protagonist at all. I couldn't have responded the way he did during much of the wonderland part of the story and I can't really figure out where he's coming from. Aside from deciding to take a chance and go, the only other time that I could relate was when he was dealing with the succubus woman.
I'm almost afraid to read on. The whole being owned thing may really tick me off later...
not enough information
to like
dislike
be curious about
or care
and yet . . .
Why?
I like a good story as much as the next person but I don't understand why this story is on "LITEROTICA". There is very little erotica in chapters 1 & 2 and in chapters 3 & 4, which combine for 39 pages, there is only one, three paragraph blow job and a two sentence reciprocal on her, telling us how much she orgasmed. That's it!!!!!
If you want erotica, don't waste your time as you will be disappointed.... that is, unless you enjoy reading an entire page being told how to throw a damn frisbee.
As for the story itself, it is an interesting concept but too much repetition and far too many attempts at long winded descriptions that just end up in a flowery mess.
To the Author: If you are going to continue to post more chapters beyond #4, please understand the concept of the site you are posting on, otherwise I am sure there are other sites you can post to.
Good
This is not erotica. This is art. Eloquent writing with an underlying tone of grace. Good job!
Now there is a tale!
Yeah it really works well . . I was impressed and it was a great read . .Thanks
But a school boy living alone ? hmmm
Romantic
The style of writing in this piece is incredible! It's coming straight out of the romantic period of the late eighteenth century. Truly impressive that you've managed to acquire such a refined language.
Bizarre
That was incredibly bizarre. I liked it.
Intriguing!
What. A. Trip.
Definitely need to know more!
J
Sold!
"
Ultimately, despite how inconsequential it was in the relative scheme of things, I took the trail mix, unsure why I was even doing this in the first place, wondering if I'd ever see anyone I knew again, and so with no sense of purpose besides a curiosity and a sense of looming inevitability, I walked out into the heat.
"
What a great concept! The character has the perfect attitude - short of sitting and cowering in a quivering pile of disbelief - and he's already informed us that he wasn't one for cowering :)
Holy shit this is beautiful
The imagery is just gorgeous.
"like a million jasmine flowers blooming in unison, like lightning touching the ground and sparking back up on repeat, I was broken record electric and trembling"
Even when there isn't anything explicitly sexual happening in the story, the intense sensuality of the writing is erotic in itself.
Interesting
Interesting start, can't wait to read more
imaginative!
What a relief from giant tits and cocks on autopilot!
Hearty thanks!
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