All Comments on 'Hero'

Well written but not believable in the least. I could mention all of the reasons why but to anyone who reads it, it is obvious.

a 5

BS , no matter what he did only scum would ask the wife to be a sex slave.

game over when he asked that. LW tale this is not .

Look it up.

Lots of potential. This incarnation left me feeling like I was being drug all over the mat with no definite path, just an end point. Some parts I had to reread as they left me with a "huh?".

Did like the plot though.

If it wasnt for her letting that guy grop her in front of his friends while dancing I might belive her but I feel shes a cheater who hasnt been caught yet ! She was pissed her hubby said somthing at the dance when he defened her honnor thats a selfcentered slut who cared only for herself. All through this story she went behind her husbands back and wishes ( going to dinner without her husband no way to prove she didnt cheat then she could have spent the whole day with him and sit up the home meeting to save her marrage then telling him to send the invition anyway she has no Respect for her husband ) been married 40years No way would this float in real life

I enjoyed the plot, but some aspects felt rushed and out of character. The hero risked his life to save the couple but he would destroy the couple with a request like that? I think it would have been more interesting for Barry to have requested a date and for things to spiral from there.

Not because of the fidelity or lack of sex, in fact, I wanted to rate it higher. What ruined it for me was Carl reacting with violence any time someone acted in appropriately with his wife. I mean, Holy fuck, he must be in great shape jumping to conclusions damn near every paragraph.

Was it appropriate for Barry to make the request he did? No, but rather than just dismissing it, he let it eat at him as though his wife was a possession to be held apart.

Either she fucks Barry or she doesn't but don't be a ducking douche bag.

The thoughts and feelings it provoked were gut wrenching. Kudos to laptopwriter for taking the time and effort it took to write such an interesting story. I don't think you'll ever be able to top this. Thank you for the entertainment.

Really enjoyed the story and the outcome.

I didn't like the wife in this story. She was manipulative and sneaky.

I gave it a 5 for effort, and nasty wife

And this wasn't the story. The moral of this story is, don't take anything for granted. Barry acted like a hero, then he acted like an asshole. Which is he really? We'll never know, for sure. He called back, after having time to reconsider, and still wanted a weekend of sex. So the hero act was impetuous and in the heat of the moment. While the asshole behavior was after careful thought, and reconsideration. So I'm thinking, mostly an asshole. Which would be supported by the family values he was raised with.

The wife may be beautiful, but she is definitely stupid and controlling. Letting dance partners grope her and claiming she didn't notice? Giving more than 2 seconds consideration to Barry's proposal, and continuing to think she owed this asshole some reward? If Carl married and stays with a woman that stupid he deserves whatever infidelity she eventually commits.

So, an interesting plot, but the characters and their behavior are unbelievable, or so stupid that who could be surprised or care less what they end up doing?

Thank you for the effort, and the attempt to portray an errant young man finally grasping and appreciating love, honor, and loyalty. Until he's been married a few years, and he gets a new personal assistant that looks like she walked out of a Victoria's Secret catalog. Really hard to overcome nature And nurture.

Barry was certainly old enough and educated enough that he should have understood that every married couple is not like his own parents. His parents probably deserved half the credit for raising him to be an asshole, but the rest of his behavior was all him. And there's definitely limits to gratitude, even for saving your life.

Bev is not really a cheating wife, but she may be too stupid to allow out without a handler.

Hopefully, whatever part of Barry's personality that led him to climb down that embankment to save the lives of two strangers will take the lesson he learned and beat the asshole part down, but since he's rich I wouldn't count on it.

there's not a single likable character in this story. I skimmed through it and had to give it 1*. Sorry LTW

This story starts out with Bev allowing some asshole feel her up on the dance floor in front of her husband and their friends with Carl having to threaten the guy and to explain to Bev how wrong she was. Bev then tortures Carl thru the middle of the story before finally pulling back at the last minute but not before dragging him nearly to hell. And Carl calls that winning.

As always technically well written but flat and emotionless and this time with really unbelievable characters.

3* effort.

One of our best authors ,I would hope you would give us some new stories soon. This was a good re read. As I said your well has been dry lately.

I'm sorry anon you didn't read this story or you would have at least seen this:

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! This is a rewrite of a story I wrote and published a while ago, under a different pen name! The last time I did this I was accused of plagiarism.

Always enjoy your writing but I'm really looking forward to some new stories from you. The previous rewrite I had read years ago also.

The problem with conflicting feelings is if both are strong ones, it's very hard to deal with them...But in the end the true and important one win, and winning showed the real way to the young man...4*

If you are married to a woman like this and you don't have kids yet, don't. If you are young enough, 40 or less, get a divorce and find a decent wife. This one is shit. Who on God's green earth needs the kind of shit this woman puts her husband through? Life is hard, marriage is supposed to make that better, not worse. She sucks as a wife.

One of the best authors in LW.

but needs a completely different framework to be plausible. This storyline was too unbelievable to be truly enjoyable.

Oh, and if a Lincoln was going fast on icy northern roads, an XKE without any modern traction control features would have long since ended up in a ditch.

Didn't like it at all. From the dumb cop leading the husband by telling him what Barry remembered and then asking him if that's what he recalled, to the college kid expecting a 45-50 year old woman, and her husband, to agree to be his sex slave for the weekend. Unbelievable! That the wife would trust this ass hole enough to even consider it. For all they knew, he would shove a beer bottle up her twat and smash it.

The the husband becomes superman for an afternoon,

I suppose it's an original plot, which is remarkable, but the conflict is just stupid. A couple deeply in love do not shit on that for the whim of a rich kid. Maybe if she cheated on him and snuck out and had an affair, but as is, I just couldn't find much to like.

One star. Should have kicked her to the curb for even thinking about it.

who said that this wife puts her husband through hell on a regular basis. We only know of two instances, the party and her agonizing over the weekend sex slave thing. I think more than guilt she just wanted to do it. Like he told the kid, I don't buy the reason he gave for propositioning the wife and I don't buy her reason for wanting to do it. I think that what she finally realized is that hubby would put her on the street and her gravy train would leave the station without her. Young college boy isn't going to permanently hook up with someone over 40 no matter how good looking she is. Especially someone as rich as he is, he can have any slut he wants. So, hubby needs to get his balls realigned and either put the bitch on the street or sell her in Mexico. As for going to the wedding, she sure got back on smiling and confiding terms with Barry awfully quick.

As for hubby being a superman for an afternoon, if you are referring to the business presentation, just might be the case. He is a well connected executive in that company, evidently a valued employee and has a well oiled staff and experience to know what to do. I think it is believable. Wife doesn't work, she sits around the house and thinks about herself all day long, not surprising she feels entitled. Like Tom T says "women thinks about themselves, when men folk ain't around". But, good storyline, well written and I thank you for sharing your talent with us.

Sometimes we get caught up in what is plausible and what is good story-telling. I can accept the story as the author intended; to be entertaining and thought-provoking Five stars. ***** Very heart warming!

Didn't trust Bev. Too ready to commit even at the risk of breaking up her marriage. Good writing and interesting reading. Cheers!

I respect laptopwriter for his writingtalent immensly but he,as so many other writers here,seem to give weman at the age of close to 50 talents they no longer really possess,menopause has probably allready kicked in with all of the consequences comming with it,a far lesser sexdrive for one,a vagina not lubricating as much if it does at all,let's face it a woman in her 50's will and could be gorgeous with her clothes on but i think without clothes the story just might be a little diferent so what would be in it for a young rich kid ??

First let me preface my opening remark. My wife is making me watch some stupid Hallmark about a 'good witch', and then another silly thing about some nurse who gets cast back two hundred years. Those two stories are getting all kinds of raves! (I do like the cast back in time; it's filled with erotic scenes.)

Now your story. I thought the accident scene at the outset was incredibly well done. That alone earned this story high marks. The conclusion where Bev stands her ground was terrific too. I sort of figured she'd turn out well, but one never really knows. Carl sure didn't.

The husband and wife were real people filled with love, angst, uncertainty, love. Were they perfect? No, of course not. But they were as real as anything in such a short space.

The best of course was Barry's discovery; their rescue of him. I liked that, nice touch.

This story was loaded with potential to be another, "Oh my wife did me wrong song." It didn't though did it.

Carl won. Bev won. Barry won. We readers won also.

Great original and well written story. Certainly a five. Only an asshole would miss this. And the 'skimmer'? Why read at all?"

Thanks Lap Top. Now give us another. (I'm so jealous!)

Jedd Clampett

you have no idea what you are talking about. Not all woman dry up with menopause. If a woman remains active her side affects are less. We are in our mid 50's and my wife is horny now then ever and still juices up at my first touch. I know I am fortunate as I am average in looks and size but with open communication and patience we worked thru any problems and now enjoy each other regularly. TK

Well all i can see that you are lucky indeed,most are not i assure you,allso it would seem you had troubles with it yourself but resolved it

Just wanted to mention: i know very well what i'm talking about since trough my proffession i deal with the problem on a daily base

I can understand gratitude; but the need to pay him back was insulting. They might as well have called him a mercenary bastard. A more appropriate response would be to pay it forward, and let Barry know the good resulting from his heroic act.

I'm not sure what commentators want? This was a good story. It was easy to read. If you want it to end differently, ask laptop if you can re-write his story and have at it. Sans that, give it a rest people. You're on an erotic literature site that allows amateur writers the opportunity to post there work. Don't like this? Go read anything by Samuelx and or Edrider73 and then think about anything critical you said about this story. Don't make me laugh.

.....but I liked it, above any objections or flaws.

great potential but really had nothing erotic or hot to it. Real disappointed. It looks like the trolls on here with their stupid comments have chased away all the good authors. This story fell under the general fiction not the erotic.

The course is called Ethics. Harvard has adapted it for most majors including Law and Business.

I guess true love really wins in the end. Our savior wasn't a hero until he know what true love was. As for our bruised couple, a few bumps about gratitude but it worked itself out. Great tale.

Five Stars

This is a real loving wife story well written ... I wouldn't be surprised to find that the direction of the story changed as the characters evolved ... Loved it :0)

Once again your writing talent shines, LTW. The wreck was realistic. How Hubby dealt with Asshole was equally as realistic. I could identify with Carl in this tale. I've felt the same gratitude for a guy who saved my life in Afghanistan. Thank God he never asked to fuck my wife, though. Like Carl, I would've also told him to go fuck himself.

Wifey was great too! It's awesome to see true love win out in the end. Yes, she was conflicted, but her love for Hubby beat out the gratitude for the douchebag who wanted to destroy their lives after he saved them. This is one of the best tales I've ever read on Lit. Great job, man!

5 HUGE Stars!

For a change a true loving wife who actually does love her husband mote than life itself and strange cock !

loving wife story well written ... I was surprised to find that the direction of the story changed as the characters gradually evolved  with more depth.

Some good morals in the story and for a change a wife that does not cheat. As reading LW section one can stand to believe mist if not all GF'S and wife's are cheaters !

five stars for being so well developed. I don't get the whole having sex as the only way of paying someone back. But I felt like you handled it well, exploring the emotions thoroughly. I mean, it almost smacks of complete arrogance on the part of the wife. Yes, my pussy is so valuable, it alone can equal saving a life! Wow!

I feel like you needed a bit more character development of the hero. It does seem contradictory for him to act so selflessly to save their lives, and then to make a request that he had to know would destroy their lives. I imagine there are people like that, but you needed to delve more deeper to explain it. The after the fact insight was good, but it still didn't explain his character flaw.

felt good to read it. Good news is not "normal" (referring to newspapers or the news at 6 & 11) most people are starving for it and do not know it. But a "Good News" story, Unheard of!! but we'll / I'll take it anytime. Excellent story and writing.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

Okay, I've had just about enough of this, Mister. I have read two of your stories now and they are much too good. I am a busy person. I have things to do. I can't spend all day thinking about your stories when I am half way through them. And I can't walk around with a big grin on my face after I finish because people will think I am an idiot. To punish you for your talent and imagination I have rated this story a five. Sorry to be so harsh but you deserved. I hope you've learned your lesson. Cheers Steve

and didn't buy her guilt so I will fuck someone else this time either. Missed whatever she did at the party during the skim but noticed I didn't like the party scene in my first comment. These super businessmen who are absolute pussies in their home life are pitiful heroes in these stories. You are a good writer, but your inspiration is kind of weak I guess. Had to give it a 2 again this time around. Nothing, and I mean nothing justifies a spouse cheating on their "other". The fact that she put hubby through all of that hell trying to get him to okay her little fuck session with the kid shows that she is a selfish bitch. He would be much better off without her.

you already read the story, decided you didn't like it and gave me 2*s. Okay, that's fine. But then you decide that's not good enough so this time you just scan the story and then give me another 2*s. That's called being a "troll," just so you know.

I enjoyed this story but I had some trouble with the wife's thinking. I am a firm believer in paying your debts....BUT this proposition was utterly disgusting. I did not understand the wife's angst about making a decision. It would have been better to lose him in an accident as a truly loving spouse than to lose him in divorce. This should have been a no-brainer for the wife if she truly loved her husband. The hero's apology was just poor bullshit. He was a spoiled, entitled punk that happened to do something decent.....but he even ruined that. Thanks for a story that made me think and entertained me.

real eye opener of a plot

storyline keeps the reader on the edge of the seat to the very end

truly enthralling story .

would love to know the inspiration for this one

.....

in all honesty i did not like the story , again it reads too much like a persons worst nightmare , however i guess that is due to the Authors Skill .

( am off to read a nice light romance now , before i go to zzzzzz ... fucked if i want this tale bouncing around inside my head as i sleep tonight )

you will never win against stupid, they will drag you down to their level.

If you liked & were happy enough to publish & share with us a story, thats good enough for me to find some peaceful time to delve into your story, if i found something with which i could not agree, would atleast try to contemplate why i do not agree & voice my opinion in a coherent manner inorder to receive a satisfactory reply.

laptopwriter, i've not read your stories as yet, this was my first, its very good, but i really felt bad when i saw ur reply to pappy, not what u said but that you felt compelled to respond to barking dog, i hope no trolls remain in ur thoughts, u give them power by feeling hurt, just smile they will fade into oblivion.

i am telling you, may be most of ur real friends have always told u this, i just wanted to remind you that for every negative comment out there there are 10 people who actually liked it regardless if they voted/commented.

so write whatever you desire, know that atleast 10 will really appreciate your effort & the story.

For the guy to even think of asking for the husband's wife is about as low as it's possible to go. He went from hero to scum in a nanosecond. Even if nothing happened it does not take away the fact that he would dare to ask something so horrendous.

Read this whole story on pins and needles. Great offering.

As always, great story telling. The couple is likeable, so I'm pulling for them; they're faced with a difficult and unusual problem, and they end up with nothing to hide from each other, their love and their values intact, and the problem solved. So after all that, why would Bev even want to go to Barry's wedding, let alone offer to work on Carl to get there? Some commenters have said Bev is a cheater waiting to happen. I don't think I believe that, but I'm afraid I don't understand. And are you *sure* Carl was joking when he said not to worry, he'd find a pack of wolves?

Just one great story after another!

I LIKE IT!!

I have to say I really enjoyed reading this story. I probably enjoyed it to the point that I actually listed it as one of my favorite stories. Not only was it well written it was very entertaining to read I truly like the way it ended. Nice work. Five STARS from me on this one.

The reason she wants to go to the wedding is it will be the biggest most expensive, lavish affair she will ever in her life attend.

Sometimes loosing is winning and in this case that would be awesome....

where it stats status quo, Unless????? TK U MLJ LV NV

She wants to go to the wedding to fuck him or some rich cunt? I found this story paints a bad picture for real heroes! Yeah I know that it is fiction! But I still hate the way you depicted the story about a hero more like the devil! ......Love you all! Bye. Greg. Oh 5 stars= 50%

TRY AGAIN! You knew that wasn't working.

unreal plot produces a third rate soap opera. Absolutely bizarre story line with cariacatures as opposed to fleshed out or well developed characters. As a result no real connection is produced between story, protagonists and reader. Especially pathetic is the trite and hackneyed reasons given for why the young man behaves in such a Donald Trumpian fashion. A shame to ruin your reputation with such an idiotic story. ***2

This is fiction right? For entertainment? Got a 5* from me and that is rare!! Really wracked me up emotionally...and that is what a well written story is supposed to do.

Thanks.

Like Anonymous 11/01/.. I found this story emotionally involving and was impressed by the writer's ability to pull me in and make me feel apprehensive as the story developed. I finished it feeling that I myself felt the pain Carl felt, and at the end felt relieved as though I had been in his shoes myself and a cruel doom had been averted. I really felt the intensity of the dilemma both of the protagonists faced. A fine piece of writing. Thank you.

Your story has reaffirmed mu faith I good writers. Very well executed 5 stars!

I gave up after 4 pages. Are you writing a novel?

Sorry I can't give it a 20. It keeps one guessing where the next part goes.

I'm happy I'm not married to a woman who has to spend a lot of time thinking about whether or not to commit adultery. I'm glad I'm not married to a woman who wonders if she can spend a weekend being a love slave to another man - without her husband figuring out what she'd done. I guess Carl's lucky she didn't think she could pull it off.

The only real decision in this story was whether or not she was willing to sacrifice her marriage to make this scumbag happy - and she apparently wasn't sure because she spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to make it happen. Personally, I think the wife was a little too flattered about scumbag's request; she didn't immediately rule it out and at the end, she still wanted to come to his wedding. I don't understand that.

Love your stories Laptop, but this one bothered me. I gave you a 4 as a testament to your writing skills, it was intriguing. But I guess I'm just too picky or something; I think your story was trying to paint Bev as a wonderful, steadfast wife having to make an almost impossible decision. She ended up coming up with the right answer, but I was disappointed it took her so long to get there. I know you were looking for a "catch-22" kind of thing, but in my mind, she made her decision back when they got married - and that's that. Still love your writing though! Thanks!

I was going to write a lengthy derogatory words! However I thought about it and saw that this a shock and awe job!

Thanks for sharing this good story with us!

Love you all! GREG.

OH 90 % OF READING ENJOYMENT BYE.

OH OH OH! When I was younger 1975 younger! It was when young women wore micro mini skirts and dresses! Anyway It was also a time when these girls could sit on Santa's Knee! So it was Christmas 1975 and I was in David Jones Brisbane Australia and They had a big Santa's set up all these absolutely beautiful helpers

in short red dresses and I walked over to Santa and he said what would you like for Christmas Young Man And I answered To be you Santa he just winked MY HERO

Nice feel good story without saccharine aftertaste. Good mixing of themes of courage, personal honor, sense of duty, and redemption.

Still five stars and still a favorite. Not sure I can applaud the wife's final decision - that should have been her reaction from the start.

A women who loves her husband more than the world and smart plus strong enough to say NO

What a refreshingly honest, loving and faithful wife. Five stars.

had she come home to find his corpse

With the guy behind her husbands back at the end ,how cute and harmless.

I bet Barry would have won over Bev if he'd offered a Million dollars to have her for the weekend. Hell, it worked for Redford with Demi....Got to fish with the right bait.

Love your writting, it's most excellent!!!

Well written, and well thought out.

She could have told him to go fuck himself over the phone, I'm guessing the fucked in the parking lot and raced home to put on that little play for him

Redford vs Woody? The million never came into play in Demi's mind. It was Robert Redford for god's sake. I'd have fucked Redford for free and given him an hour to sell pay-per-view...lol.

...it's.a.STORY, people!

Neat concept. I would always wonder about Bevs fidelity. She was way too comfortable with getting groped while dancing before the accident. I think she is only looking for an ironclad excuse to cheat. He should be ever vigilant!!!

Well written, it is great to see a spouse stays true to their vows. I think Bev really did get a wake up call about men getting fresh with her and making unwanted advances and the importance of not being passive as she was on the dance floor. If more spouses thought of their marriage vows a little more there would be a hell of a lot less divorces. Well done 5 stars

Many comments about what a lousy wife she is. A number of comments about her change of heart. I agree with most of the former.. As for the positive comments, they are overlooking one thing. Her asking for the invitation and planning to get her husband to attend. This coupled with months of wanting to cheat shows she is an insufferable bitch/whore,

Is something missing in the re-write from the original story? I guess the first part is to show the somewhat strained relationship but what was with the husband ordering his staff to commit internet break-ins? Is the point of this story that none of the people here have any morals?

Hated it. First she thinks it is just fine to have another man groping her on the dance floor while she just enjoys herself and gives no thought whatsoever to stopping him. Then she wants to cheat with the kid saviour. Then she undermines her husband about the invitation from someone he never wants to see again. Some call any ending in which the couple reconciles a "happy ending" but it seems to me staying together condemns him to a life of anxiety and misery.

But, then you redeemed your self.

Read Rancher46 comment. I think that the author is hinting that the wife learned a thing or three also.

I have read a lot of stories on this site, this one brought out the best

in plots.

Thank You

Wife is a cheating slut and garbage human being. 1* no way they should stay together.

That girl's liquor then she knows she nearly blew it because he would have left her.

I had a different thought on this.

1st she let that guy fill up in a nightclub and then Burnard husband who left if she continued doing it.

Next she seriously considers screwing that guy to pay the debt... Completely canceling and sending aside her marriage vows What should have the higher moral claim in her mind.

3rd while she dumped the guy at the restaurant which I thought was really great she turns right around and behind her husband's back asked the guy to send her a wedding invitation with our consulting her husband's 1st especially since she knew how her husband felt about the man.

Last, And I can speak to this from personal experience, The idea of paying somebody back for saving your life is absolutely nonsense. I've saved and my profession more lives than I can count and never expected anything back and return nor would I've accepted it have it been offered.

This has happened both the medicine and also write the combat in Vietnam.

The real truth of this woman is that she was looking for an excuse to have a fling 1st with the guy and the nightclub is the nightclub and then later with this millionaire.

Despite everything she'd just been through she was setting herself up to stay in contact with the guy behind her husband's back.

Sooner or later she's gonna find excuse to get herself fucked by somebody hadn't somebody haven't claimed to him that it didn't mean anything. Usual shooting slept vocabulary in rationale.

Her husband is a stand up guy and she simply pretended to be a stand up woman.

What she really wants is to have her husband and security and love from him and go out and have a jolly's with lots of other men and knock it burned for it.

he should’ve thrown her whore ass out at even thinking of fucking someone outside of marriage. fuck the feel good ending. 1* no sympathy for whore women like this bitch

I completely sympathetic with her mixed feelings about paying the debt, what I cannot understand is the full lack of conscience about being feelded on a dance in front of friends

Disappoited that wife even considered cheating for ANY reason!!!

Started out shitty with the whore letting herself be groped in plain sight of the husband. She does not improve. Her husband would be better served by leaving her at that party, going home and moving his shit out. Then the following Monday file for divorce.

Not much! If the wife can't control herself on the dance floor, she shouldn't be on it with anyone but her husband!

What a preposterous premise, openly repaying a debt of gratitude with an act of infidelity.

Great story but by God she pushed her luck.

We still don't really know if she would have gone through with her obligation had circumstances been just a little different....she walked too close to the line.

And suppose her husband had left the house before she returned and gone somewhere quiet to end it all because her note had told him she was actually intending to go through with things.

And we still have her angling behind his back re the wedding invitation too.

The possibility of self-harm mentioned 3 months a take a typical 5+ story down a bit.

Sorry, but an author must keep up lateral vision.

The lesson on love was magnificent, so sweet, but the danger created should have been taken into consideration.

You still are a 5.0 worthy writer.

Thanks for your writing.