All Comments on 'Superman Weds Wonder Woman Pt. 01'

by mpessina

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  • 5 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
I Like the Idea But the Story Needs a Lot of Work

I have always wanted Superman and Wonder Woman to get together romantically. After all, they are the greatest superheroes of their generation and rightfully deserve each other. Several years ago there was an issue of "Milk" that had a one-shot illustration of the two of them having hardcore sex in space with the caption: "Kingdom Come." I was hoping that this story might capture some of that eroticism but I was extremely disappointed. There was no dialogue of any kind in your story. There were several misspellings, in particular that of Diana's home which was spelled two different ways in the same paragraph, and the punctuation was practically nonexistent. You could have used an editor but I'm not sure even that would have made the story any better. It was too short, too pedestrian, and just didn't strike me as being worth my time, which is a shame. I'm sorry to be so harsh, particularly since this is your first submission, but I'm just being honest. Good luck with any and all future endeavors.

Roger.

GrobnarGrobnaralmost 9 years ago
Interesting

I think you have a decent idea here, but it needs work. Dialogue, exposition, details, etc. Instead it feels a bit more rushed and haphazard. I wouldn't get disciuraged, rather try adding more parts, or asking other writers for opinions and critiques.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
Not much to go on

Good subject, but that's a part-chapter at best; you need to write much more to get us interested. Best to write it all before publishing.

mpessinampessinaover 8 years agoAuthor
Thanks for your honest reviews guys

I know it's rushed. This idea was going on in my mind again and again so I just wrote it down in haste. I will correct it soon.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
very good concept

I'm loving the plot so far. If you're going to refine it, maybe you could add some dialogue, especially around the discussion of marriage, since the concept is fantastic and can definitely be mined for even for erotic anticipation! I'll definitely be keeping up with your work:)

Anonymous
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