All Comments on 'The Exact Moment...'

For the read.

This was ridiculous

"I never told her what really happened. I was so ashamed of myself and what I had done. I let her hate you so she wouldn't hate me." Now that's something a woman would really do.

Let Donny dead or alive walk the little princess down the isle on her happy day. And 20 yr later find the truth about at what happen between her "who could do no wrong" mom and the "mean villain" dad. Wonder if she would talk to her father then.

His wife did something horrible and continued to do it in his face to the point that she put the whole family in danger and caused his mind to snap. I don't like it that this new aggressiveness he possesses hasn't yielded him a better lot in life without his worse half. She didn't suffer at all, a punch to the face and a little fear maybe but her life picked up and she was able to move on as she was before. Its disheartening to see that his life got flushed down the crapper the day he came home and it never really resurfaced.

What else could he have done given the situation? If he had stayed with her they would just live in turmoil. Hes capable of being a monster that frightens her to the core and she is capable of fucking a man who gives her a few words of flattery. My only gripe with the ending would be that the daughter will forever hate the parent who protected her and will continue to love the parent who put the family in danger to begin with. If it was me I would have told her a long time ago, shes a grown woman and can handle the truth. 2/5

What a waste of fucking time! He loves his daughter so much he is willing to almost kill the bastard, but then because the slut doesn't want daughter dearest to hate HER the wimp allows the darling bitch of a daughter to HATE him instead. 1*

Well that was something. Thanks for writing.

"I am so sorry Jimmy. I never told her what really happened. I was so ashamed of myself and what I had done. I let her hate you so she wouldn't hate me." - Proof his wife never loved him!

Are you kidding me? Why not tell his daughter what a whore his wife was? Why lie and suffer for it? He was not doing his daughter or his future son in law a favor by leaving the whore there to guide them! Stupid decision. Stupid ending, purely to frustrate the reader!

...but a rather promissing story was killed by that (sorry) stupid and meaningless ending. Seems you have rushed through that final page, happy to getting it over with, rather than using the possibilities of connecting quite a few threats and thus giving the story a sensible conclusion.The way the protagist threw his wife out of the house could be discussed, but everything following was just (my impression!) filling in the gap What happened during the divorce? Why would a man who claims to love his daughter more than anything, allow this alienation instead of confronting her with all that had happened? 3* (could have been more)

I really liked this! I know someone who has a nervous disorder like this guy, and it is horrible, but one day, he basically gave up on life and his nervous disorder was cured. I can see exactly the ending you wrote taking place because he doesn't care anymore. Maybe a bit of a downer ending, but in my opinion, it was very true to life! Great story!

people who read these stories and chose not to put a phony name out there you should concern yourself with your stories if you chose to write.The content of this story tell me your not very bright to begin with.

2 star. I hate the whole shit with sparing the kids of their parents infidelities. Why should the father suffer for the adulterous mother?

how the guy let Donny move into his house. That was unreal. Everything that followed made no difference because the die had been cast. He let his wife move her lover into his home. That was very uncomfortable. Then he doesn't really get angry until the guy threatens his daughter?

It's was a very enjoyable read. However from my perspective as a Reader, I feel there was no desert with this meal. Where as you writers see the picture before painting and might not get all colours to the canvas that you see in your mind, we readers only see what you paint. So we are always looking for payoff or redemtion for the hero at the end of a story. I know simple minds lol

Well, you did ask...

This story really belongs in the non-erotic section - there is nothing erotic about it though it is centred firmly in a love-triangle. Your comments got me to read to the end though...

Homophones - the bane of literotica and the spellchecker. Please check that the word you write is actually the one you mean. I spotted two nasty ones and they do spoil the story for the more precise of mind.

Overall this story failed to please on two levels - firstly it was not sexy at all and secondly, it was gritty, but insufficiently characterised to handle it. I cared little for Jimmy and nothing at all for Donny. The brief introduction does not cut it for this kind of writing, which has the potential to become quite a good novella, but in the shortened form is neither fish nor fowl. Another page or two of writing would have given the same information in a much more satisfying way and might perhaps have rounded out the people enough to make the grade.

I did like (and was surprised by) the ending/climax and the turn of events, which I found a refreshing change from what would be the usual fare on this site.

The epilogue was unnecessary and rather detracted from the story. This was not a happy-ending story and you did not need to close it out. Sure, it would have been colder, but then, I think, it would also have been a more powerful piece.

Sleeping tablets generally won't have that effect unless you use a lot more than two, but I did like how you got hold of them.

I hope you don't mind my rather longer than usual comment and the more thorough than usual takedown. In fairness, it was because you asked for constructive criticism, so here it is. When I finally pluck up the courage to pen something, you will, I trust, return the favour!

Author had hubby take all the blame to keep his daughter/mom relationship intact.

Wifey, acting in own best interests, also never tells daughter the truth -so wifey can look like good guy.

That keeps in with the story line of hubby changing character from wimp to action for his daughter benefit.

A good read, but tough ending

5*

...was a perfect example of why you should ignore most anon. comments. It just attacks the writer and has no relation to the story.

My apologies, I was writing in reference to an anon. comment and apparently other comments were posted in between. Again, my apologies.

Why go through all that trouble to kick her out, shield the daughter from the complete cluster f*(k created by the wife and her seducer, eliminate the predator, and clean up the mess, to have it end up a complete snafu?

The wife was kicked out of the house, Donny was gone, why let the wife have the higher ground? Why lose the relationship with the daughter?

Sorry, but the ending is totally messed up.

.

Good story plot and it flowed smoothly. Good job. I enjoyed reading it.

Well written story and my only complaint is that you didn't really explain why the husband was willing to take the fall for the wife. It'd be one thing if it was just cheating but the asshole she picked threatened the daughter. To me, that used up all her credit.

seems kind of strange how he handled the whole thing. first he let her pretty much do whatever she wanted just as long as she left him to himself. but when the boyfriend got involved he kind of lost his mind for awhile. but then to have her not admit what happened to his daughter and let her think that he was the one in the wrong is so cruel on her part. she cut his daughter out of his life forever and that is not right.

I didn't like the story or the characters. I'm not a BTB at all cost but it seems the wife basically paid nothing for her betrayal. The scene in the warehouse was too late to enable me to have any feelings for the husband except contempt. He was left with nothing, not even the love of his daughter, and all because he wouldn't step up. Sorry, in spite of his change in attitude at the end to me he isn't much of a man. Just my opinion.

The story is well written and does show the talent of this author. I hope to read more of his work as he posts.

Woodmanone

good story was interesting and was a good twist to it

Liked the plot .... Sort of ....

Needs an editor. The plot line is a bit out of sync (timing of events).

Accepting to decisive to accepting. Does fit the title.

“I didn't realize this would hurt him this badly.”

What, is she an IDIOT? How much would SHE be hurt if he moved a girlfriend in?

And what’s she doing giving Donny her ass, I’m willing to bet Jimmy has never had her ass!

Lost a star for Jimmy being painted the bad guy. He should have told daughter EXACTLY why he sent her away, so that her mother's BOYFRIEND wouldn't rape her!

listen, why would you ruin your relationship with your daughter for no reason. i see this stupid shit on this site all the time. "oh, i love my kids but i will let them hate me just so they dont think bad about their whore for a mother" this fucking dumbass deserved having a shitty life. i got to remember to never read anything from this stupid fucking author again.

the author needed another pair of eyes looking at this. My favorites were: 1. But then faith stepped in 2. Whoa is me

In terms of plot, strange and disturbing. Hubby seems to be a closet masochist. Credible that the wife would move on - I'm sure she blamed hubby for everything that happened to her. Disturbing ending.

wife fuck over hubby and wife do good and hubby do bad in the end.b/s

It simply made no sense not to tell his Daughter what his wife did to cause their divorce. Why be the bad guy? The only person he "saved" by not telling his Daughter was the cheating slut. Not that this story was badly written, but it wasn't any fun to read since you basically tied an anchor around his neck and let him sink. A "3" for the writing. A "1" for the story.

I know there are a lot of weird people out there, but this one beats them all.

Wife cheats wants two lovers . Husband grows some, kicks out lover . Divorces wife never tells daughter who blames him . She disowns him, marries and he is not invited 4 years later he give his wife 20 k and his wife smells good, while his life is in the crapper. This was so whacked it just doesn't make sense.

It is time to stop writing. There is enough crap on the internet without you contributing more to it.. Not one single redeeming thing in this entire story...

love the revege man but come on man

nect you write manke sure that the guys gets a better woman and not this crap life man

another chapter were truth comes out

O K read. I really don't doubt that they're are people out there just like these. Personally, how he took so long is beyond me. That his wife was that nuts is hard to. I guess ''nutty'' best describes this. But, it did end o k. No way I wouldn't tell my daughter the truth though. give it a 3.

I am on my smart phone reading this.

The story didn't make sense.

MCPO Jim

The story of a man, handicapped by his childhood, who does the best that he can for his wife and daughter. She takes advantage of his weakness and betrays him repeatedly, with both the affair and their daughter. He can't handle confrontation so he will get the short end of the stick in perpetuity.

If you do write a 2nd chapter, please don't make it all happy ending.

I think the author had two rewrite the ending.

The father should lead his daughter up the aisle

Another chapter that shows the idiot finally telling the truth to her daughter...and the daughter frantically trying to find her ''daddy'' or better yet if it is the same boyfriend have him tell the truth, say at the wedding dinner. Now that would be...fitting.

...except for the part where his relationship with his daughter went to shit. I am cool with it going to shit, but it should go to shit based on the truth.

You need to write a 2nd chapter to show the daughters reaction when she finds out the truth about her whore of a mother

I don't see any of the people in this story behaving in the way this author has written it. The husband, wife, boyfriend, even the Daughter... just ridiculous.

Damn good read. Nicely written. Liked your approach. It was, for lack of a better description, mildly amusing and a bit novel for a piece of sort-of erotica. I'm giving it 5 stars because it was a fun read.

I know not all stories end with a happy ending but for the innocent to still suffer and the sinner winning , its just sad. For a guy to take so much and in the end proctected a daughter even at the cost of losing her over lie. His ex claiming love and in the end lies and never regretted . Like in the real world there are some that will never have justice , people wronged that no one will care.

This story did not entertain. If the protagonist is more miserable than my own life could ever be, then the story is of absolutely no value. Thanks for the effort of pissing off as many readers as possible dear author. You achieved your goal.

There was no logical reason for him to keep what happened from her. If Mary had really loved him, she would have told Cindy the truth instead of poisoning her relationship with her father.

<P>

It's odd. On the one hand you have him man up and get rid of Donny and Mary, but on the other had still seemed to want to keep making him a victim.

<P>

I see you gave this the BTB tag, but in the end, he's really the one who got burned. "So I have a lousy job, crappy one bedroom and almost no love life." She, however, has a boyfriend and a good relationship with her daughter. She came out okay, but he didn't. Yeah, she really got burned.

so I gave it a5 because of the story made everyone mad or sad. That's means it was good

What about this is wrong?t Perfect, wife still alive...lover steak knife killed ...daughter WTF.....she was a cunt.....better then the 6 cops from Baltimore arrested..... go USA

You don't like negative comments but write stories like this......go figure.

Many words but no story. A waste of the author's and reader's time.

Her suffering. No satisfaction for him leaves him as the idiot which he obviously is.

I would have liked it a lot more and scored higher (in comments only) if he had looked at Scott and said " Look at what happened with me, learn from it and dump her fast and stay away, you will be set up and take a fall for something big for what ever lies ahead for her." Its true, she was selfish as they come. Not wanting to let their own daughter in on what happened and why? I feel that the character Jimmy was clearly made out to be a wimp, but parts clearly showed a different side to him once pushed. I feel that once the daughter was lied to by Mary, regardless if Mary is the mother, a line of respect has to be maintained and Jimmy (the father) place is by his daughters side at her wedding. After all whom will give her away? whom will speak for her when asked "whom gives this bride away to be married?" Just did not like the ending. but a 5 anyways in my book

Sure did change his spots. Self-described lifelong wimp who has panic attacks over simple arguments turns brutal and forceful. I read it and sort of enjoyed it, but that was too much of a stretch. .

they are not cowards or wimps and I wonder how much of the 20K will arrive at his daughters, the real loser. TK U MLJ LV NV

so he got a pair of balls,kicks out the wife,then lets her make him the bad guy,and he ends up with nothing.The wife claims she loves him,but then takes away the daughter.Both the wife and this guy are unsympathetic,unlikable,which means the story is flat,not much to grasp onto at the end.The writing is good, but in the end it is a sad tale with little to recommend.

I can understand he was a calm man... What I don't understand is why he didn't told her in a calm voice: "You have 2 minutes to send him away, or you can go with him...". Then divorce her...Why to pass all that in his own house? 2*

So just what did he get from his actions? Very unsatisfying story.

Everyone was reprehensible. The circumstances were unbelievable. The results did not satisfy. Even after his balls dropped, he still let Donny and his wife walk all over him when he didn't explain what had happened to Cindy. Still, it's not a willing cuck story... 5 stars!

Didn't care much for the tale. James was a wimp too long. The writing was O.K. A few misspelled words or typos. Cheers!

A story where no one is innocent or really badly guilty, where everyone gets hurt except the woman who started it all and where, in the end, the whole thing just sort of fizzles out like a dud firecracker. It didn't end, it just stopped. Even the title really didn't make sense since the whole digression into the "exact moment" really doesn't play into the main action of the story. What can you say when the whole story is well written, with good vocabulary, proper English grammar and few spelling mistakes but at the end, the reader is left thinking, "Yeah, but why bother?" Why did you bother to write it and why did I bother to read it?

author look... there are 2 kinds of writers here in LW genre. Those that writer for themselves and those that actually WANT to become a better writer. You CLAIM to be the latter. If so what do these 64 comments tell you?

1. Nothing in this story works. ZERO.

2. JIMMY as the main character husband is a cluster fuck. You went for a flawed man weak man who because of the wife's cheating would change into James Bond. Instead Jimmy comes across as Pee-wee herman.

3 Having the exhusband accept the daughters mis directed rage for YEARS & YEARS while the wife pays No penalty KILLS this story... and make Jimmy into a wimp.

4. Jimmy IS wimp. Idiot authors like you think that if the husband beats up the

" other guy" that takes the wimp charge OFF the table. It doesnt.

5 Jimmy cannot be a changed man IF he goes back to letting his wife ride roughshod over him

4 if his his truly snapped WHY not tell the daughter?

I very rarely read LW stories. Anyway, I was hooked until the end. I voted a 5. Good story telling. Do I believe a loving wife would move a boyfriend into the home she shares with her loving husband and expect the loving husband to accept it? No. :) But this is Lit. The boyfriend gets beaten up and threatened, and later dies from pulling his MO with another loving wife. The wife gets kicked out. The husband ends up in a one-BR apartment with his daughter hating him, thinking he's the one that screwed up. Sounds believable. At least the husband is free of the wife who screwed around on him. That is a good thing.

"I am not going to go into a long winded diatribe about how we met and fell in love "- Thank you! I gave a good rating for this story, just because two pages weren't wasted telling how the couple first met.

In all fairness, I think some of the money Jimmy gave his daughter should have went to the guy who killed Donny.

As usual in the comments, Harry in VA gives a bad name to grumpy old men.

Great Story. As you can tell from the comments, most of these people wouldn't know humour if it came up and bit them on the arse.

But apparently I like off the wall.

The way he dealt with his ex-wife and her boyfriend then didn't tell his daughter.

After all he went through why would he let his daughter hate him?

Why was he protecting his cheating ex-wife's reputation at the expense off his own?

And then there is the ex-wife who loves him so much and wants to make it up to him so much that she allows his daughter to think it was his fault and hate him.

and his ex is still a manipulative little bitch

lied to her daughter to make herself look good

what a useless cunt

he should have told her bf the truth, and fucked her happy little world up royally

I read a story: The wife left the husband for other man and the daughter was above 18 years old. The daughter only was in connection to her mother. She abandoned her father. The ex husband died in his sad loneliness. It was very sad story and I hate that story (That story had strong effect on me). I had a story idea in my head about that story. My all stories dael with the ex husbands find second or third mates (wives) after the cheater wives.............and my all future stories too......

BTB writers do not forget several times the lionpart of the revenge happens after years to the divorce.

Very good story, very well done. Good mix of everything.

KILL ALL THE BITCHES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You always want to protect your kids but the truth is the truth he could of given his wife a few days to tell their child but then he needed to tell her everything. His wife was nuts to think that anyone would go along with a crazy situation like that. Most would of attacked him that day and filed for divorce the next day. Or at the most waited it a out a few days tapering and recording as much of what was happening as he could to show his daughter. He loved his daughter but gave her up for nothing and his slut wife stays in her life while he is the bad guy. He should of sent his daughter a check his pig ex will make it like it's from her.

But the Epilogue pushed it up-very nice!

I have a problem with guys like this that would allow another man to live in their house-i would fuckin' go nuclear on the spot.

But the take flowed well, fairly quick read, and lived the epilogue.

Thx for your efforts!

This is too stupid for words. Stopped after a few paragraphs.

I think a lil reconciling between father n daughter woulda been good, good idea w drugging em both. And nice twist at the end, I thought he would take her back but still good read

I like it......10...5ssss I mean.....bill

the fucking daughter is grown, but you can't tell her, her mom is a slut. But you can be the bad guy and miss out on your kids life because of what the whore did. What kind of bullshit is that. The daughter didn't pick the mom over the dad, he was just to fucking stupid to tell her the truth. I gave the story a 4, because why let your only child think a falsehood. If he did all the shit he planned, but then he's to much of a pussy to let the daughter know her mom was a cheating slut. Manly has nothing to do with the wife being a whore, what made him less of a man, is what he did to his only child.

good thing he divorced her. She said would always love him and here she is shacked up with another guy.

Lying trash.

I liked the story and on the other hand I thought it sucked. The ending was not too good.

If he really wants to protect his daughter then he should act so as to stay close to her. He ended up pushing her away. He also must have ended up lying to her, because she had to ask what caused the split. So he leaves his daughter under the influence of his whore wife, because he loves the daughter so much? Stupid. Also, knowing her dad as the wimp you described, the daughter would not believe that he threw her mother out without extreme provocation. And the daughter would know in a heart beat that her mother was lying to her. Also, the daughter would know that if either of the parents decided to cheat, it would be her mother. Always interesting that these stories have the couples existing in a vacuum. No mutual friends, no one sees Mom out with her fuck toy, Mom has no concerns about daughter eventually finding out, about getting an STD from the fuck toy? Just too many loose ends and logic failures. Why give the money to the wife instead of directly to the daughter? Its been over three years, and the daughter still hates her dad, for whatever the mother told her? And the Dad does not know what the daughter thinks of him, but he did all this to protect his daughter, leaving her totally under the influence of the immoral faithless soulless ex-wife. Again, just stupid and lame. The fact that its fiction does not mean the story doesn't have to make sense.

I appreciate your effort, and encourage you to try again, with more patience and logic. The rushed ending was evident; you seemed to be stuck with how to finish it.

I read the story and I read the comments. Then I gave you a five.

Did I like the story? Did I like any of the characters? Did I like your solution? The answer is no to all three.

So what! It was more fun to read than most of the shit I or HDK have put up.

Keep writing. Edit more thoroughly. There are easy tricks to improve self editing. (Not that I ever use them.)

Yeah the wife was a selfish, worthless person. The husband was a spineless creep. Donny was who he was. The daughter should have been strangled.

Ok, I get how he said he wasn't good at confrontations and it took him a really long time to hit the ceiling and finally stand up for himself, but once he did, why the HELL would he not tell his daughter why he'd thrown her mother out and tell HER to watch out for Donny, to watch out for herself? What if she and her boyfriend broke up and he was no longer there to watch out for her?

.....that our hero is the kind of man that won't stand up for himself until it's too late.

Did with his wife, then his daughter. Now he's alone and miserable and after all that, he hands $20,000 to his ex wife that let him be the bad guy through it all, to give to his daughter as a wedding gift? What does he think she'll do and say?

Here, honey, we just wanted you guys to get a good start. At least we love you, my boyfriend and I.

So....lame. But well written.

I will never understand why there are so many LW stories like this one where the wronged husband never tells his kids what actually happened, even when the kids are already adults themselves. Hiding the truth from them is not protecting them. Nevertheless, this is creative, well written, and worth reading.

Finished page1 on Monday. Then the website failed. So didn't get to read the rest until Wednesday afternoon.

Gave you 3*s. Didn't connect with the protagonist. The story had one gimmick and that's it. Not any character development . Not a new solution . Pretty mundane actually. Firsttimeguy , you didn't deliver on a very nice title. But keep trying, thanks.

AMerryMan

Somewhere along the line, she'll tell her Daughter the real truth about her dad, Because it'll gnaw inside her until she does. Irregardless, she still loves her ex husband. It's why she hasn't remarried. why the guy she's with is a Boyfriend. as in the movie Anger Management, Wimps only go so far and suddenly stop being wimps when certain buttons are pushed, in this case, the Button was his Daughter. I would like to see a sequel where they finally get back together. The reason his dates are one nighters is because he still loves her.

Basically it says that you ca'nt trust anyone and that you have to watch your back which is no fun after 20 years.

The only thing I didn't like, was the fact that I'll never be able to write anything this good.

Should probably have been "woe" is me.

When you got to the warehouse, you "threw" him to the ground (just the wrong tense in that case).

"You are a smarter man THAN me, Scott."

Other than that, this is pretty well written and self-edited. Please give no attention to people who complain about subject matter. Generally they are commenting about how they FEEL about your story. I've always believed if you don't like a story don't read it. Plus the plot "gimmick" of the family heirloom hammer was a nice touch.

than comments about spelling, grammar, character development, and the story arc. The visceral response is telling and tells the author just how a story is received and gives great insight about the success or failure of a story.

You will know a whole lot more about how well you did if you do pay attention to the comments of those who are upset or even downright vitriolic.

Just my two cents.

it's got to be bad. Will keep moving on.

The husband got the short end of the stick, his wife got a new and decent life, his daughter lost her father and the bad guy was only injured. Sure, he did die, but not as a result of what he did to the husband and his family. Quite honestly the husband should have grown a set of balls the second his cheating slut of a whore wife told him she was screwing around on him. Divorce, or just taking all the money and leaving...he'll, it's not for everyone but buying a street corner gun and shooting both of them while making it look like the bastard shot her as he wrestled him for the gun. It just sucks that the husband ended up the one who got the worst screwing in this story.

I believe in the truth. His daughter should have been told. Instead of having a good influence in her life she has a cheating whore as her only parent. Bad idea. "Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie!" Almost a good story.

..somehow his fainting out on her revelation seems too far out of this world to be believable. Why do writers always stick to the procedure of husband either fainting, crying or getting drunk? The guy destroying my marriage is upstairs, flushing the toilet - and I faint? No bloody way. Most husbands would grab what is needed and be up the stairs within a second. Ok - not every Clark Kent is a superman...but not every man is Clark Kent, either. What´s a wife or a marriage worth to those writers?

Even if i don't like how this particular offering ended, it is a kinda recent entry. I have liked some of your other stories, but the ending to this one really didn't do it for me. Especially since she made him shoulder all of the hate and essentially stole his daughter from him. Can't handle that. He is a stronger person than me.

I didn't like the story from start to finish. It was ridiculously unbelievable. I am not attacking the way it was written or the natural progression of events. Sorry, I felt I was being charitable giving it one star. The only character I would not throw darts at, was the bouncer.Enough said.

Sorry, just three stars.

The fact that he lets her make everyone around them think he's the bad guy? No fly. No one does this. Literally no one. Why would people want to be thought of as the one who fucked things up in a marriage? Seriously. This is bullshit.

you are more stupid than your characters. nothing of this crap makes any sense at all, it's just plain idiotic. go post your shit somewhere else, you wimp.

So fuck off this is a great story! gave it a 5