All Comments on 'The Wimp'

And winning the Congressional Medal of Honor, and oh yeah, don't forget about the part where the whole country wanted him to run for president but he was just so gosh darn humble to accept the nomination.

In case I haven't made myself clear, the characters were too cartoonish for my taste.

but not nearly as bad as the other comment-er would have us believe. Kudos on a pretty good first story!

I enjoyed it. Sadly, the pouting 'nameless ones' didn't. Then again if some guy isn't gutting some cheating wife they won't.

who is a fella to believe and trust. TK U MLJ LV NV

Tom & Jerry's more your cup of tea then?

Very entertaining read !! Thanks !! . . . If you are curious as to what I thought was a bit weak (ignore the following if you're not . . . it's your story, after all)

1 - As another reader pointed out, a bit too much on the nature of the limp. A simple case of saving someone's life might of been fine.

2 - David got a touch wimpy at the end. Marci was doing the defending, which was fine. David would have shown more character by NOT asking her why she broke her vows and didn't stand by him. He is characterized as having a lot of integrity, and NOT needing to dwell on wrongs done to him. (That's Marci's job!) Just wishing her well and saying that he was sorry he wasn't enough for her . . . he had tried . . . would have been truly poignant.

After that she could have quietly reached out to an unhearing screen with a quiet, "I'm so sorry; I've been such a selfish fool." . . . knowing she'd driven away the best thing that would ever happen to her . . . she would never get it back . . . and that she'd probably end up settling for somewhat less at some point. Too late she realized she'd always love Dave deeply. She could take some solace in knowing that because he was such a fine person, she'd probably already been forgiven . . . Her family and former (false) friends were nothing to her from this point on, she would let them go . . . but at least, she knew, she was luckier than she deserved . . . she now would have two BFF's.

. . . "Please make him happy" were her soft words to a blank screen after the DVD finished.

My take, anyway . . .

Good one; pick on Christians; 1* for being soooo PC.

Another secret black belt who is a bad ass pretending to be Clark Kent. C'mon guys! This cliché isn't getting old yet?

I can't buy this story as being realistic, so it didn't give me much enjoyment. I can't imagine any father allowing another man to disrespect his daughter, no matter how much of a rich douche bag he is. I can believe the coercion to make her marry someone he deemed appropriate. Hell, if I can pull that off with my own daughter I will. But to sit there and listen to a guy brag about banging his daughter, having her "spread her legs" for him was so over the top for me that this story lost all taste. Then to have that father tell his son in law how to cheat on his daughter was the puke icing on a very shitty cake.

Then there is the plot device of all of the planets align to give justice to some poor soul. The exaggerated Karma for the cheating wife irritates me more than it used to. Once upon a time they made me smile. Now I just want stories that show real humanity. Sorry, I can only give this a two.

A fun fantasy, and well written. Very predictable, but not very satisfying.

Give this author a break. This is a good piece of fiction. The good guys won in the end. Even the cheating cunt bride gets a break. Remember, in fantasy world anything is possible.

I forgot. Five Stars

I was enjoying this until you made it political.....so 1.

Seems like too many readers think they are supposed to be literature critics. Perhaps they intend their remarks to help you improve your craft as a writer. Personally, I would like to see them write a better story. Gave you 5 for a fun read. I read the local paper, check Facebook for updates on friends then Literotica for a fun to read tale.

You provided it today. Thanks.

I liked it until it went political... or more to the point, bizaro-world with Christian fundies attacking a mall... this story posted on the same day that RADICAL MUSLIMS tried to shoot/bomb an event full of peaceful Christians in Texas.

So, my rating is only a 1.

Cartoonish at best.

Silly, over the top, too much poop and goo, too anti-right wing, and totally unbelievable.

But really fun to read. I wonder how O'Smirky, Handjobity, or Mush Scumbaugh would have spun this? I'm sure they would have found a way to blame Marci and Dave.

Keep writing. And be just as 'over the top' and as 'political' as you want.

...I simply enjoyed your story, it clearly being something different to most others.

Liked the turning-out. No question, no hesitating:: 5*

Thanks for writing this one.

In the real world Muslims kill Christians and gays or haven't you been watching the news. One star for you sir!

But there is no such word as publically. The word is publicly.

"In the real world Muslims kill Christians and gays or haven't you been watching the news. One star for you sir!"

What he said. Except I won't bother posting anonymously.

You know take me to church get out you knife cut me up bla bla bla

I get so fucking tired of hearing how Christians are such a bad bunch of people.

I tell you what sport, there happens to be a ISIS camp just south of the border why not go see how real muslims treat women and gays.

I think your ready to move up to the big leagues, tryout for the big show as they say, go ahead you will never know how much you believe in muslim forgiveness until you insult the prophet.

A good read, almost. Like a lot of people you believe in the muslim president and the religion of peace. 1*

I really liked it. 5*

although the basic story idea is not that unusual, you did attempt to tell it in an interesting and different way, and you succeeded in that....

Oh, to those several anons. I had not known that crazy christian militia men were not just as crazy as shoot em up muslims. Thinking that naming nuts from one extremist group exonerates other nuts in other groups is simply not logical, just stupid, dumb, Sean- Hannity-like reasoning, lacking logic or common sense.

I kind of thought the Christian Militia thing was hilarious. Cuedork and Anondiot must be okay with making fun of other religions but their own is "sacred". Seriously, lighten up morons.

I enjoyed it. I'll admit I like BTB stories the most but I really like BTA (burn the asshole who prey on married women) even more. Even though 90% most of the story was telegraphed ahead of time it you did a good job providing the details. The only thing I didn't understand was why the other slut attacked Rory? Apparently she had no qualms whose dick she sucked so should care what he was doing. I guess you needed someone to attack him like the fathers.

And there are Islamic extremists (whom Mohammad would disavow)

The hatred in the comments re: religious extremists was certainly not taught by Christ or can not be found in the Gospels. It also has no part in the lives of people of faith.

I suspect that the vast majority of those who worry about our Moslem President (a patent lie) and claim that those who eschew fanaticism and extremism in the modern day church are supporters of Islamic extremism are nominally Christian at best or, more likely, have no faith at all except God, Guns, and Country and they're not sure about God.

Sad ignorance.

Irrational fear.

Just sad.

A good story no doubt...True that appearances deceive...4*

I enjoyed your first submission. Thanks.

Keep them coming. TAGS: Pretty good, but I wouldn't think to use "let you go" or "fight for our marriage" to find any story. How about "video?"

as others have said it was to over the top.why does everybody got to blackbelts or navy seals or friends with mob bosses. but it was still fun.if people have a problem with the christian fundamentalist thing they should step back and think. dont you think there are crazies in this world that are also christians. hell if he used muslam there would have been just as many people pissed at him for that. its to the point that you cant say anything even remotely political without pissing someone off.

Sometimes readers get into political comments about a story (NJLauren, I'm looking at you) and almost always, I cut them.

BUT...if the entire premise of my story is 'Right Wing Christian = good, or in your story, eco-liberal = good and anything else equals bad...you are opening yourself up for that kind of judgment and crap.

And frankly, it distracts from the story. But write what you'd like. It's free advice and hence worthless.

I enjoyed reading it, but as I thought about it I'm not sure there is a likable person in it. I know we are supposed to like David and Marci, but they both lied about who David really was. David certainly should have disclosed to his future bride before marriage that he was a former national level judo champ, who I assume continued to go train (where did he tell his wife he was going?) and who might have made enemies among Christian terrorists. And Marci, her "bff" let her marry a guy with criminal charges pending? Try to keep developing the characters. I love this genre and there aren't enough good btb stories.

left-wing drivel and dreck, worth the 1* it got. Yeah, Christian gunmen out to shoot gays and muslims. Oblivious to who is ACTUALLY killing people out there. Yesterday muslims attack an event that makes them angry, and today your have this crap posted. Beheading Christians; throwing homosexuals off roofs, stoning women to death for failing to to as they are told. Hmmm.... wonder who is doing that.

Weak Minded.

Nice to see a new contributor and a good story. Maybe the author could consider deleting the Anonymous comments and then we can concentrate on the folks that understand that this is Fiction where the authors can make up anything they want.

Thanks, and I look forward to additional stories from you.

waste of time ...

David didn't want to be a hero. He was just in the wrong place at the right time. He didn't want "hero worship" from Vicki. He wanted her to love him for who he was, not what he did. In those respects, it just showed how shallow Vic was, deep down.

I agree with David's POV on the DVD too. Once you're married, you shouldn't have to compete with every Asshole that comes along. You shouldn't have to fight him, unless he lays hands on you or your wife.

The Marriage Vows are there for a reason, folks. It's a shame that so many people forget that, these days. If you aren't going to take those vows seriously, DO NOT GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE! Simple as that. Divorce is way too much of a drain on your life, your kids, and your bank accounts.

5 HUGE Stars and Faved. Keep writing, man!

Plus well written.

MCPO Jim

Perhaps a bit over the top with the Rico stuff, but overall, a fun and entertaining read. But I'm not sure Marci is really her BFF. More like her worst nightmare.

Ha, Ha, Ha 5*****.

Thanks for posting. Some things were over the top as others have said. Overall it was entertaining. Especially liked the scene where the new mother in law was chasing her husband with a knife and had to be tasered. That was hilarious in a Keystone Cops sort of way. Picturing that just makes me laugh. 5 stars and look forward to the next story.

I think the story was over the top, but funny hunorous. Sometimes a little humor is needed. Naturaly such event is 0.0001% laikely in the true life. I prefer the near to life revenge, but such story is good entertaining sometime.

Thanks for sharing.

For Marcie to pull a stunt like this was fine, over the top .. but that's typical for revenge stories. Then:

"I don't abandon my BFF even if her head is firmly planted in her ass"

To sign off as a loyal BFF, married to David? She only comes across as a self-righteous hypocritical bitch, no better than the ones she's been criticizing. You should have dropped this bit. Just have her sign off with David.

The second story of the morn where I had a good chuckle to accompany my morning caffeine. Sweet!!!!

In my newer story my character saved her boyfriend life to stop a school (Prom) massacre..........but my charcter is a fembot.............and an antitank missile could stop her........not (half)automatic gun.

Duna "As A Son Forever Together" but my story is Sci Fi & Fantasy

Very enjoyable story. Who cares how close to real life it is. The characters and plot were good, and the overall approach nicely original. Thanks. Five stars.

" Ironically, all of the fatalities among the mall shooting victims were straight Christians."- That alone deserved a high rating. Suck it up right wing bigots!

You missed the alien saucer landing in central park....otherwise entertaining and twisted at the end! 3*

Thanks for a creative story. Also, thanks to mcbs for showing tolerance to those with whom you disagree. I wonder if you would prefer livinv under Sharia, in which those who disagree (such as gays or dissenters) just get stoned to death.

The story was okay, but I don't know why it rated over four hundred. The writing was good. First submissions tend get a lot of undeserved flack. Undeserved due to the work involved putting together a story of any kind. Kudos! Cheers!

an enjoyable read.

Over the top-Yup

Still fun to read-5*

Thanks for the smile, tax time ya know

Why would he want her back? 1 star.

I advise you to kill yourself, post haste.

Read the story properly idiot. then stab yourself.

A tip of the hat to all of you who offered encouragement to a first time author. For the crabby folks: the mall scenario is based on an actual event. It went down just as I described it except there was no David to rescue anyone. SWAT took out the loonies. It could have been gang-bangers or jihadis. I just ripped the story from yesterday's headlines.

I'm a preacher's kid and regular church attender. Forgiveness will be given to those who repent.

Did you notice my pen name? StangStar's got his Mustangs. The good ole boys write stories based on country western songs. My gimmick is that I love Judo. My characters do Judo because I do Judo, no other reason. Sorry if it's stale for some of you folks. I get that.

Lastly, I'm just writing for fun, not to make a statement. If you write, you know that characters often take on a life of their own. Their views may or may of be those of the author. If my story pissed you off, take note of my pen name and avoid my submissions in the future. To the rest, the fact I gave you some enjoyment makes my day. I'll keep trying to improve my craft with your thoughtful comments.

Judogeezer

I gave you a hard time about the "secret black belt" in an earlier comment. I can recognize that it is a plot device to you because of your love for Judo. I can respect that. I have become irritated with the wimpy husband who is cuckolded by the athletic guy who is twice his size, but this husband has a secret knowledge of the martial arts that his wife did not know about. Suddenly, this wimpy husband is Jet Li. I may have taken that irritation out on you, but I can respect why you use it. Write what you know, right?

I still have to hold to my opinion of the unrealistic characters though. As a father of a daughter I couldn't imagine not putting a guy in intensive care for speaking about her TO MY FACE the way that Roy spoke. Then to have that father laugh it off and give tips on how to continue to treat her like she is nothing more than life support for her vagina made this story sour to me. That mixed with the convenience of the DA who was teased in high school felt a little bit over the top for me. But you got high scores and a lot of good comments, so I guess I am the minority. Congratulations on your first submission and I wish you the best of luck with more.

It may be another "Oh, if only" but it is taught, well-told and laid out.

I confess to thinking I'd like to know what happened after the Ceremony, but that's just me, I guess.

Keep up the good work, please.

HP

Really, with all that's going on in the World Christen Terrorist! Maybe for the next story you can have the Pope and his Evil Cardinals attack a Puppy Farm. Then you can have Obama Swoop in and rescue the little Fur-balls while Dispatching the Evil Christen Leaders.

This guy is married to this woman...he was going to go to the OLYMPICS in Judo...and she had zero idea about this entire aspect of his personality and life?

Let's see, to have that level of dedication, you need to spend 6 hours or so in the dojo a week. Where did she think he was, macramé class? Did she somehow miss the ropy muscles on her husband?

I thought about giving you a low score because of your silly attack on Christians, but then as a Christian I knew I had to forgive you and give you the four stars that your fun story deserved. How is that for terrorism? --Hoppydoodle

Seems to channel Stangstar06... not that that is necessarily bad, but it isn't necessarily good either.

Good first effort - I'd put less martial arts in it though, it is distracting for those who aren't into it.

Green-something

just ordinary red blooded americans exercising their right to bare arms and use them as they see fit.

Suspend reality and enjoy the plot.

It is a nice piece of pure fiction from beginning to end.

Especially the part of Chrisitian terrorists; would've been more believable if it was one of the other two groups you mentioned...

Wonderful imagination and a few real life lessons. Great job.

I have yet to find any recent news story about Christian terrorists shooting up a mall. To claim you just grabbed that off the news and put it in your story is a lame excuse. You might remember the crazy punks at Columbine killed one girl when she answered their question, that she did believe in Jesus. So your portrayal was very insulting when all the Muslim whacko's are obvious fodder for your plot.

But more, the characters are too stupid to care about. The wife and husband apparently hardly know each other. No wonder they split; hell they were barely husband and wife.

In the future work on the realism of the characters and the logic of their motives and actions. This was a weak start, but its where you finish that counts. I hope you get better.

Luby's in Killeen, Rep Gifford's assassination attempt, the Movie Theater in CO shooting, OK CITY.... NOT done by Muslims.

wasn't in a mall, the restaurant is next to an apt complex

Have we forgotten about events like"Crusades" or the "Salem Witch Hunts". Lets not even start talking about the KKK. Abortion clinics were attacked in the 90's by Christians. Christians need to get from behind the pulpit and stop trying to make the world believe what they feel is right. They can be just as crazy as the other religions. Truth is, every religion has its extremists. Christians are not exempt.

Christians have missionaries; Muslems behead infidels.

The Crusades were an abomination and a great evil predicated by merchants and power hungry bastards who wanted to control the Middle East and enlisted the masses under a false cross. The KKK used much the same techniques to get their red necked, mouth breathing, knuckle dragging membership to join in. You might want to read some real history of the Salem witch trials (which were reprehensible) and not some of the paper back "scholarship" of the past two or three decades.

Yes there are "Christian" terrorists and "Islamic" terrorists and even "Free Thinking" terrorists (French Revolution and Russian Revolution.

If you want to talk about terrorism practiced by the church you might want to think of the Inquisitions, which with real examination find their roots not in dogma but in geopolitical struggles.

Thanks

The Moors had invaded Europe. It was by no means, a one-sided action. But we don't live in the past. Tell me what atrocities Christians are committing now that can compare to the thousands of Christians that have been murdered in the middle-east this past few months!

I gathered from the story that David's Olympic ambitions and the mall shooting happened years before Vic met him. His injuries probably put an end to all that heavy training, but not to his ability to handle himself just fine in a fight with idiots like Rory and his friends.

Eric Rudolph. Scott Roeder. Paul Jennings Hill. Michael Griffin.

Just last week, Wayne Odegard. a wannabe anti-gay terrorist who, thankfully, was unable to get his hands on anything more deadly than a bb gun.

Odegard. Last YEAR, not last week.

The problem with your statement is that the motives in all those cases were not religiously motivated. Luby's: misogynist stalker with mental and drug problems. CO movie theatre: Liberal Dem Occupy Wall street member mental problems. AZ Giffords: Socialist who loved abortion & Heavy metal Mental issues. Sandyhook: Registered Dem hated Christians mental issues. Yes there are some such as the killing of the abortionist in Kansas and the bomber someone else mentioned but the overwhelming number of mass murders are either mentally impaired or muslim terrorists. If the author would have gone that route "politics" wouldn't be a problem in enjoying his story but he went there contrary to the actual facts.

When a Christian religious group does something hateful then we have to carefully analyze the real reason, but when a Muslim group does it then they are just religious nutbags. Is that the synopsis that I am getting? We have to take each Christian event as an anomaly but we have to judge the Muslims as a whole?

If we are going to be honest, the Christian/Catholic faith has a longer history of violence than any other religious group. Oh sure, the Muslims are the ones that have been flooding the news for the past couple of decades, but Christian beliefs have been behind a lot of the atrocities of the past few centuries in American history. If you are going to judge a group, do it by its entirety and not just the part that justifies your side.

but go ahead and recite the current meme. Power struggles within the Arab world have involved Islam is some of the most brutal and bloody atrocities in the history of the region.

I won't say more about this so you can spout your prefab spoon fed ignorance with impunity. Try doing some real research.

Apparently you feel it is ignorance to disagree with you. Fair enough, it is your opinion. But if you feel my logic is wrong, then please give facts instead of just saying things like ,"Your ignorance is showing." I love debate, but if you do so then give me something that I don't know rather than just opinion disguised as fact.

The Crusades may have been started for greed and power, but they were started by Christians. There is a book I would like to recommend to you. It is called "World Religion Today Fourth Edition".

The KKK was stuff that I read from other books, but their premise was that they felt they were Christians.

The 90's bombings of Abortion Clinics speak for themselves.

Like I said, I love debate as long as it is respectful and informative. If not, then we are wasting our time.

The authors are John L Esposito, Darrell J. Fasching, and Todd Lewis. It was published by the Oxford University Press.

have you read sources, checked out the bibliography, or better yet read source documents from the time? no you give us the readers digest condensed version.

It's really not a matter of opinion, which is the tender of today's intellectual. And now I'll really shut up. It's obvious that neither of us will be persuaded. I hope that your mind will be open enough to see that there may be other views grounded in the correspondence and more immediate history of the times.

I am not for or against Christianity. I was commenting on the fact that readers felt that there was no basis for the Christian Militia group in the story. I feel that is not true. I feel that a Christian Group doing violence to get their point across is possible based on history. And furthermore, my "paperback" history is based on the fact that I have read books and other material. What other form of knowledge is there? The book I suggested was one that I got from a friend who is studying religion in college. It was from a class that he finished taking and he thought I would like to read it since he couldn't sell it back.

I have done research in religions, not just Christianity. It started as an elective when I was going for my associates but it is a subject that interests me. While I am not religious, I do like finding out why people who believe in religion do so. So my opinion isn't based on a closed mind. In fact, I am open to truth no matter what form it takes.

You are right that I can not be persuaded, but it is because I have not seen facts that will do so. I respect your opinion, as I have to assume that it is based on research that you have done. My opinion is the based off of the same.

Now I too will shut up. LOL. Thanks for the interesting conversation.

She's maaried to a hero but she didn't know. She's married to a judo champion but she didn't know. But her friends did. Who discusses felonies in a crowded restaurant where anyone can hear? What man doesn't share a seminal event in his life with the woman he allegedly loves and wants to be with forever. The list goes on.

Maybe it depresses him because it ended his dream to compete in the Olympics. Or maybe because it was the scariest f'ing thing that ever happened to him, and while he got through it at the time on sheer adrenaline, thinking about it now causes PTSD. Or maybe because he's just sick and tired of having to tell the story again or doesn't want to end up as one of those guys who are constantly yapping about how great they used to be.

It is kind of hard to figure why nobody else who knew him ever mentioned it to her even once, though.

But if'n you want to see a lot of Christians killing Christians in recent times, I don't think the "Troubles" in Ireland are over...

I apologize as well for not reading the authors' comment, which rather echos mine about a Stangstar-like tone to this one. I'm not sure you can get as much mileage (sorry about that) with Judo - it is "not 'merican", and doesn't feed into the young dude, rugged individualist thing that SS06 does so well in his work.

Good luck - I look forward to your next story.

Green-something

(a little googling - apparently 1997 cooled things off - the "troubles" are considered over, but violence is still happening now and again. They claim a death toll of 3,500 in Wiki. Is Islamo-terrorism about nationalism or religion, at it's root? Probably not so much religion as you might think...)

I can echo many others it was a well written story - predictable, over the top but good. Yes it has been done before but you did put some new twist into with the new husband, bride father and father-in-law being part/cause of the problem(s), RICO and extortion and I think you threw in a few others that I can't recall. To comment about the elephant in the story on the Christian militia group I have to echo FD45 in you could have just left it at two terrorists and saved yourself a bunch of grief and one stars. I do agree it is your story so write what you want to write and the way you want. So keep writing its not like it is costing you anything other than your time. I will likely look at your future efforts. Thanks for sharing

The news report in the story said that the two gunmen were members of an anti-gay Christian militia, which is not the same as saying that the group was behind the attacks.

Why would anyone slam this story?

Well written and good storyline

Guess those that have no talent get their kicks out of trying to put down those that do

Well written and great storyline

Here is why it was not a five.

Although very well written, the use of white Christian extremists just fell flat. When has such an event EVER occurred? NEVER!!! With Muslim extremists and Liberal extremists regularly in the news for killing innocent people why inject a political/social/PC progressive liberal propaganda viewpoint into an otherwise great story?

(For all the PC crowd now screaming at me, please look up the political affiliation of almost every mass shooter in the past decade or so...surprise!!!...almost every one was a liberal democrat! Shocking isn't it, to have your lies so easily exposed. Forget gun control, what we really need in this country is far left liberal progressive asshat control!)

So, if the author wants a story that deserves a five, make the change to Muslim extremists or even Black extremists protesting a cop killing a black criminal who was trying to beat them to death or something, anything, more believable than what was used in an otherwise excellent story.

But "white xian" terrorists ? Please document the last 3 attempted mass murders of gays in the USA by "white christians." Garland TX was not attacked by white christians, although the would-be murders WERE almost certainly anti-gay. Charlie Hebdo in Paris was not attacked by "white christians." Your politics did NOT belong in this story, a generic "terrorist" term would have served well. Instead, your paranoid delusion detracted from it terribly.

Gays are being murdered around the world every day, and that is a terrible thing. But it's not christianity that's doing it, and your trying to perpetuate the myth that we gays need fear **christians** makes things worse.

I don't care if some "white christian" hates me -- I don't need his approval. And I don't need a bigot to bake me a wedding cake -- I'll find another bakery or pizza parlor.

But I don't fear christian bigots -- if I am going to be murdered, particulary en masse, it won't be by him or his ilk.

Gotta love these people that believe everything they read on the web and hear on the news.:)

If they were named Muslim extremists, would this site get banded?

Please write some more. Even add to this story. I would love to hear the results of the fall out and more of the happy ending.

...indicates that he lives in the US Midwest region, i.e., "the heartland," the birthplace of extremist Christian groups like Defenders of the Christian Faith and the Westboro Baptist Church, and of the right wing militia movement. He's probably seeing these yahoos parade around his town's Main Street on a weekly basis.

I like the angle you took to write about the event as it unfolds for the characters. Please continue to submit more stories.

...You DO realize the West Baptist church are a big of whacko DEMOCRATS, don't you? It's public knowledge for everyone except Leftists like you who only foment hate.

an interesting story becomes the victim

in a raging political debate between proponents of

Fox News and MSNBC

i normally do not comment on stories I read on Literotica , but this time I've decided to ! the author has decided to take an interesting story line and ruin it with his biased political agenda ! seriously man , do you sit home and masterbate to Micheal Moore movies ?

Go Blow Yourself's. I liked the way the story went the Fact that her BFF and Ex are Honeymooning while she her Mother and Mother-in-Law sit home doing wois me lol.

stopped when she put on an unknown dvd for all the world to see. fucking IDIOTIC.