This is nowhere up to your other stories I dont get why we got 4 pages to tell a 2 page story I gave your other stories a 4 or 5 they were great fun to read this is boring as hell sorry but you want the truth dont you ? Sometimes you need to clear you head and start again good luck . Dagoatmandavid said it cya later gave you a 3 sorry just not for me
by
Anonymous05/06/15
Does not flow or engage me like the first two chapters. Kind of rushed and disjointed in places. And . . .,
who gives a fuck what the beer tastes like? An odd thought to share with the reader while each is baring their souls and owning their failures. Is beer real important to you?
You implied that Tammy's cheating influenced Gail to cheat, but you really didn't have Gail explain how she made such a huge leap from thinking about it to actually acquiring her own fuck toy. I think more details would have helped explain Tammy's full influence on Gail's decision to risk her marriage. Especially since you included the detail of her apologizing to Jay's wife, it would make sense to explain exactly who Jay was and how their affair got started. Also, it would make sense for him to ask her about her stated intention to keep fucking Jay after they got married. She hasn't owned that yet, although she implies it when she said earlier in the story that any kids would have been fucked up by her behavior.
So it is a lack of answers to those logical questions that makes this chapter clumsy and disjointed. Seems as if you were in a rush to finish it. It's really a pretty good story, if you like all the human drama. So take your time and end it with logic and compassion. And thanks for your efforts.
They do not change the fact that she believed "it was only sex", "it didn't mean anything" and willingly (eagerly?) chose to bring another man into the home and bed she shared with her betrothed.
All hail Gene. We must be in Emerald City listening to the all powerful Oz? The road is made of yellow bricks, and the city is green. But no matter how you paint it the cheating is still scarlet.
Of the two I don't know who is the more immature. As to "owning" it, neither one do.
The analogy with the beer tasting better with each step of his soul baring, I have to call B.S.
The worst line in the chapter? "I wouldn't hurt her as bad as what I did to you. I'm older and I now have a sense of integrity, a sense of being, a ... sense of self."
wtf? Are you telling us walking away from the woman to whom you were engaged when she was found in bed with another man is Not an act of integrity?
by
Anonymous05/06/15
Undeserved
I really don't get some of the criticism; it's almost like the kommentators are expecting an A to B route description minus what there is to see enroute.
Liked it... 4*
Actually, I think your storytelling has improved through the three chapters. Characters are richer, deeper, and it doesn't feel as hurried to me.
by
Anonymous05/06/15
Rush comment
Not bad so far except the Rush story - it did not add anything, could have used an alternative and accurate only if you have an extreme liberal view of the world. Sticking political potshots in stories, especially hackneyed political potshots, suggests a serious lack of writing ability.
Nailed it. Well said!
Don't think much of Gene. She's still using Tammy as an excuse. She was a slut at heart, or Tammy would have been revolting to her. I'm not saying she can't change. She's still alive, and time and space forces us to make choices. This is the reason we're born into the material world instead of the spiritual. Anyhow, doesn't look like she's "owned" it yet if she's still making excuses.
I am sure that we will have a reconciliation but I still can't swallow her wanting to keep on doing it after the marriage... Thinking about it again if she was not suffering from guilt after the first fuck then it would be much better to stay as far way from her as possible, she does not have normal reactions.
by
Anonymous05/10/15
Its a basic premise of the male human condition
That it takes a big man to be emotional and cry. It takes a bigger man to laugh at the crying man. I'm laughing. This has morphed into a girly man story. Don't know how much more I can read before shooting myself again.
And who the fuck carries a Goddamn BANDANNA? Other than a ditch digger.
by
Anonymous07/11/15
Oh Please !!
The comment about Rush, that was pathetic. I can tell how this is going to end by your liberal comment. You're going to tongue kiss her ass and remarry. Oh wait, you'll share her with a black first.
It's great writing and story telling, but I hope to God that's all this story is.
I'd like to say my girlfriend did that to me, but she didn't. Instead, she waited until she was my wife. I caught her in bed, took one solitary picture because she was on her knees, being drilled by a supposed 'ex' boyfriend. Thomas was banging her for all he was worth, on MY side of the bed. I snapped the single picture, turned and walked out of her life. In my truck before I thought anyone could catch me, Julee almost proved me wrong. Backing out, she grabbed my bumper, the only thing she could grab, but I didn't stop. I continued backward out of our driveway and down the street until she let go. When she got up, it looked like she hurt.
My parents died when I was 19 years old. My young brother and older sister live their own lives across the country from me. Other than Julee, I was alone, we had just started planning for kids.
It's a long drive to Alaska from NC, but with the ferry taking up much of the trip, I made it. My first job was on a fishing boat, the second too. After a year I was the skipper and after two more, I was the owner. Two years later I was living in Ketchikan and sitting at my favorite breakfast diner when I saw Julee walk by. She knew I was there, she had seen me walk in, I guess and our eyes met. Before she could come through the front door, I was going out the back, through their kitchen.
Of course, it turned out she was there because she knew where I lived. A few minutes after I got home, I had packed for a fishing trip a week early. I had just gave it some throttle, idling away from the dock when I saw her walking down toward me. She stopped when she saw me leaving. I fished for a week, then returned to pick up my crew with a small payday for myself. Julee wasn't anywhere to be seen until I answer my door that evening. The cunt had found me again.
She asked to come in to talk. Hell, she had come a pretty long distance and had been persistent. After pouring myself a drink and offering her nothing, I took a seat across from her and waited. As yet, I hadn't said a word.
Julee started out by apologizing for what she had done and swore it was the first and only time she had done that. Well, she actually started out by saying we were still married. Man, will that get your heart pounding! She went on and on about how I was the love of her life and she had been waiting for me, pure as snow it seemed, without a relationship with anyone. I let her go on and on about how much she loved me and hoped for a second chance. Finally, she was talked out. My answer was simple.
From where she sat at the table she could see me go to my gunsafe and retrieve a packet of papers. Inside, I pulled out a photo and slid it over to her and the time line was stamped on the front. 2 weeks after I left and Tom was giving it to her from behind. A year after that, she was riding him in his car. The next series showed she was living with him and the second to last was time stamped two months prior, where she was blowing him in the living room of our old house.
The final photo was the clincher. It showed her with a black eye and contusions all over her face, where she lay in the hospital. From where I sat I could still see the remnants of the black eye, makeup covered up almost everything. Thomas had beat the hell of our her and from what I understood, he was still in jail. She knew that I knew everything and began to cry. I never said anything because I hadn't needed to and she was still crying when she closed the door behind.
You see, I knew from friends Thomas had moved in with her and they were living as man and wife. Hell, one of my friends who worked at the small clinic nearby told me she had three miscarriages by Thomas, trying to have a baby. I never had to say a word, the pictures did the talking and better yet, they gave her my answer.
Agreed that the beer taste, the Rush comment, etc was just superfluous.
Added nothing to the story and only made you seem hackneyed for adding such a gratuitous political shot in.
Also, there should be absolutely ZERO guilt felt by him and how he reacted to the cheating cunt's thorough betrayal!
If that is going to be a recurring theme in your stories, then I won't be reading many for sure.
You had him acting extremely reasonably for the level of hurt, pain, and disgust that her actions and behaviour produced. Then had him begging forgiveness for it.. stupid, wimpy and completely unjustified.
by
Anonymous11/26/16
Did you enjoy the story!
I liked and enjoyed this story! If you have to nitpick over a Rush comment. Your comment really should have been left out. The story is a very good read yes there are some minor mistakes but if you were smart enough to find this website you should be smart enough to not be upset by any errors so minor.
Hey, where's my pool que?
English
well for me
This is nowhere up to your other stories I dont get why we got 4 pages to tell a 2 page story I gave your other stories a 4 or 5 they were great fun to read this is boring as hell sorry but you want the truth dont you ? Sometimes you need to clear you head and start again good luck . Dagoatmandavid said it cya later gave you a 3 sorry just not for me
Does not flow or engage me like the first two chapters. Kind of rushed and disjointed in places. And . . .,
who gives a fuck what the beer tastes like? An odd thought to share with the reader while each is baring their souls and owning their failures. Is beer real important to you?
You implied that Tammy's cheating influenced Gail to cheat, but you really didn't have Gail explain how she made such a huge leap from thinking about it to actually acquiring her own fuck toy. I think more details would have helped explain Tammy's full influence on Gail's decision to risk her marriage. Especially since you included the detail of her apologizing to Jay's wife, it would make sense to explain exactly who Jay was and how their affair got started. Also, it would make sense for him to ask her about her stated intention to keep fucking Jay after they got married. She hasn't owned that yet, although she implies it when she said earlier in the story that any kids would have been fucked up by her behavior.
So it is a lack of answers to those logical questions that makes this chapter clumsy and disjointed. Seems as if you were in a rush to finish it. It's really a pretty good story, if you like all the human drama. So take your time and end it with logic and compassion. And thanks for your efforts.
rationalizing
and self justification
They do not change the fact that she believed "it was only sex", "it didn't mean anything" and willingly (eagerly?) chose to bring another man into the home and bed she shared with her betrothed.
All hail Gene. We must be in Emerald City listening to the all powerful Oz? The road is made of yellow bricks, and the city is green. But no matter how you paint it the cheating is still scarlet.
Of the two I don't know who is the more immature. As to "owning" it, neither one do.
The analogy with the beer tasting better with each step of his soul baring, I have to call B.S.
The worst line in the chapter? "I wouldn't hurt her as bad as what I did to you. I'm older and I now have a sense of integrity, a sense of being, a ... sense of self."
wtf? Are you telling us walking away from the woman to whom you were engaged when she was found in bed with another man is Not an act of integrity?
Undeserved
I really don't get some of the criticism; it's almost like the kommentators are expecting an A to B route description minus what there is to see enroute.
Liked it... 4*
Improving
Actually, I think your storytelling has improved through the three chapters. Characters are richer, deeper, and it doesn't feel as hurried to me.
Rush comment
Not bad so far except the Rush story - it did not add anything, could have used an alternative and accurate only if you have an extreme liberal view of the world. Sticking political potshots in stories, especially hackneyed political potshots, suggests a serious lack of writing ability.
THE LARGE BRAIN WANTS ONE THING
and the retard brain does not agree. Conflict. TK U MLJ LV NV
Rightbank
Nailed it. Well said!
Don't think much of Gene. She's still using Tammy as an excuse. She was a slut at heart, or Tammy would have been revolting to her. I'm not saying she can't change. She's still alive, and time and space forces us to make choices. This is the reason we're born into the material world instead of the spiritual. Anyhow, doesn't look like she's "owned" it yet if she's still making excuses.
Fascinating
I am sure that we will have a reconciliation but I still can't swallow her wanting to keep on doing it after the marriage... Thinking about it again if she was not suffering from guilt after the first fuck then it would be much better to stay as far way from her as possible, she does not have normal reactions.
Its a basic premise of the male human condition
That it takes a big man to be emotional and cry. It takes a bigger man to laugh at the crying man. I'm laughing. This has morphed into a girly man story. Don't know how much more I can read before shooting myself again.
And who the fuck carries a Goddamn BANDANNA? Other than a ditch digger.
Oh Please !!
The comment about Rush, that was pathetic. I can tell how this is going to end by your liberal comment. You're going to tongue kiss her ass and remarry. Oh wait, you'll share her with a black first.
Wow, Last anonymous comment
People give a picture of themselves.
Nope...
It's great writing and story telling, but I hope to God that's all this story is.
I'd like to say my girlfriend did that to me, but she didn't. Instead, she waited until she was my wife. I caught her in bed, took one solitary picture because she was on her knees, being drilled by a supposed 'ex' boyfriend. Thomas was banging her for all he was worth, on MY side of the bed. I snapped the single picture, turned and walked out of her life. In my truck before I thought anyone could catch me, Julee almost proved me wrong. Backing out, she grabbed my bumper, the only thing she could grab, but I didn't stop. I continued backward out of our driveway and down the street until she let go. When she got up, it looked like she hurt.
My parents died when I was 19 years old. My young brother and older sister live their own lives across the country from me. Other than Julee, I was alone, we had just started planning for kids.
It's a long drive to Alaska from NC, but with the ferry taking up much of the trip, I made it. My first job was on a fishing boat, the second too. After a year I was the skipper and after two more, I was the owner. Two years later I was living in Ketchikan and sitting at my favorite breakfast diner when I saw Julee walk by. She knew I was there, she had seen me walk in, I guess and our eyes met. Before she could come through the front door, I was going out the back, through their kitchen.
Of course, it turned out she was there because she knew where I lived. A few minutes after I got home, I had packed for a fishing trip a week early. I had just gave it some throttle, idling away from the dock when I saw her walking down toward me. She stopped when she saw me leaving. I fished for a week, then returned to pick up my crew with a small payday for myself. Julee wasn't anywhere to be seen until I answer my door that evening. The cunt had found me again.
She asked to come in to talk. Hell, she had come a pretty long distance and had been persistent. After pouring myself a drink and offering her nothing, I took a seat across from her and waited. As yet, I hadn't said a word.
Julee started out by apologizing for what she had done and swore it was the first and only time she had done that. Well, she actually started out by saying we were still married. Man, will that get your heart pounding! She went on and on about how I was the love of her life and she had been waiting for me, pure as snow it seemed, without a relationship with anyone. I let her go on and on about how much she loved me and hoped for a second chance. Finally, she was talked out. My answer was simple.
From where she sat at the table she could see me go to my gunsafe and retrieve a packet of papers. Inside, I pulled out a photo and slid it over to her and the time line was stamped on the front. 2 weeks after I left and Tom was giving it to her from behind. A year after that, she was riding him in his car. The next series showed she was living with him and the second to last was time stamped two months prior, where she was blowing him in the living room of our old house.
The final photo was the clincher. It showed her with a black eye and contusions all over her face, where she lay in the hospital. From where I sat I could still see the remnants of the black eye, makeup covered up almost everything. Thomas had beat the hell of our her and from what I understood, he was still in jail. She knew that I knew everything and began to cry. I never said anything because I hadn't needed to and she was still crying when she closed the door behind.
You see, I knew from friends Thomas had moved in with her and they were living as man and wife. Hell, one of my friends who worked at the small clinic nearby told me she had three miscarriages by Thomas, trying to have a baby. I never had to say a word, the pictures did the talking and better yet, they gave her my answer.
Agreed that the beer taste, the Rush comment, etc was just superfluous.
Added nothing to the story and only made you seem hackneyed for adding such a gratuitous political shot in.
Also, there should be absolutely ZERO guilt felt by him and how he reacted to the cheating cunt's thorough betrayal!
If that is going to be a recurring theme in your stories, then I won't be reading many for sure.
You had him acting extremely reasonably for the level of hurt, pain, and disgust that her actions and behaviour produced. Then had him begging forgiveness for it.. stupid, wimpy and completely unjustified.
Did you enjoy the story!
I liked and enjoyed this story! If you have to nitpick over a Rush comment. Your comment really should have been left out. The story is a very good read yes there are some minor mistakes but if you were smart enough to find this website you should be smart enough to not be upset by any errors so minor.
Hey, where's my pool que?
****
Counseling changed his core value to pacifistic ... interesting ...
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