The New Girl

Short but......

fuckin' hot!! Are there going to be more parts to this?? I sure hope so......my cock is fuckin' hard waiting to find out.....absolutely love lesbian stories....

Great start!

Short, but hot. I would love to read more of these two. Perhaps a relationship brewing?

Shrugging my shoulders.

You need a Thesaurus. There's a lack of feeling in this story. It's too Dick and Jane. There's nothing intriguing or substantive about this story. Maybe if I had a dick it'd be stiff, but I've a clit and pussy - no tingles or dampening - this just left me flat. But, guys do tend to get boners over just about anything.

Short, short, shortity, short short

This is the story I should have posted on

That was sooo good, but, It was too fucking short, aaaahhhhgggg. That's it, I'm definitely coming back as female, there's Waayyyy too much fun to be had!

Gorgeous

Love it. :-)
Xxxxxxx
Deborah

Too short

A promising start... and then it was over, way too soon. Needs a better buildup. It also needs a tongue instead of a tounge.

Your story is most enjoyable. May we have a chapter 2 please

Too short, "shorty!"

The build up on this story was weak. There was a definite problem with the flow of the story, as well. It lacked excitement and the story felt rushed. A better job at plot and character development for the next chapter is in order. This work was far too short to even consider it being a story. There was nothing substantial within the components of this story that would hook you, and leave one panting for more. Before the next chapter is released...more development, please.

Learn to spell

It's 'tongue'.

And 'perky' is the most overused cliché possible.

Keep at it honey, its a good starting story... You did great! Ignore those who comment "Anonymous" they don't have the guts to write out in the open and have probably never written anything of their own! You did, be proud of it!

Very Good Potenial

The story read very well. While there were a few spelling/proof reading problems (leaving a moan leaving, or something like that) they were infrequent... much better than many authors here. I liked that you used dialog where possible, instead of narration... it makes the story more personal.
What I would really like to see is a longer, more fully developed plot with obstacles overcome, etc. I have Favorited you because I want to keep an eye out for future submissions. I think you can be one of the top authors here.
Good Luck.

Wonderful

Such a nice discovery.

Keep up the good work I hope you write more you could be a good writer and please continue I would love to see what happens next.

SecretGirlSin _ Hey Girl, This Is Very Nice!

It is a bit short but still very nice. Yes I did see a typo or two, but that's no big deal, find someone to proofread for you, ask one of the other writers there at literotica.

Still not bad for this being your first story, good job.

I agree with everything Aimie2469 said, even though "I post my comments anonymously", as SecretGirlSin and Aimie2469 both know when I comment, I don't just trash and run! I give the writer my email address in the contact author box at literotica.com...

Thank you, I enjoyed reading "The New Girl" very much. I gave it 5-stars!!

Gay Kat.

Not bad

This was great. I honestly thought i was in that shower.lol. Made me crazy. Is there a part 2