You have a lot you can do with this one. I really doubt anyone would go to the point you describe and not go all the way. I think this in as believable as "I'll only put it in just an inch or two." That only happens if he only has an inch or two.
by
Anonymous05/12/15
liked it
liked it very much looking forward to read more from you only thing I didn't care for it was too short
by
Anonymous05/12/15
Sequel
I hope this is just chapter one and not a one off story.
I wish you would write longer stories, or at least continue them. Lots of teasing build-up with no satisfactory conclusion at the end of the story. This particular story was all foreplay, no fucking.
On a technical note, you switched from past tense to present tense at this paragraph:
"No baby. We can't." She said as she leans even closer so that her nipples brush my chest. She begins kissing my neck. I can feel tell that she is getting close.
Then back to past tense at:
"Oh baby, fuck!" It was the first time I had ever heard my mom curse and it was the hottest time I had ever heard that word spoken....
Pick a tense and stick to it throughout. Past tense is usually better than present tense.
by
Anonymous01/28/16
Had much more potential
You need to write more. Obviously he should be full fucking his mom after the workouts... Mutual masturbation is a good start, but shouldn't be the end...
by
Anonymous02/15/16
Maybe I don't get it,
but was there some underlying attraction between mother and son that led to their affair?
Mom: "Your father doesn't think I'm attractive."
Son: "I do."
Stage direction: Characters proceed to sex.
English
Sweet and sexy
I sense there could be a sequel. Hope so. Five stars.
More please sequellll
Good Start!
You need to have a longer story line.... A very good start!
EXCELLENT, part 1
Really enjoyed the story line. Well qritten. Maybe word/tense choice or two; but really a well written, interest keeping story, Thank You.
SHORT BUT GOOD!
You have a lot you can do with this one. I really doubt anyone would go to the point you describe and not go all the way. I think this in as believable as "I'll only put it in just an inch or two." That only happens if he only has an inch or two.
liked it
liked it very much looking forward to read more from you only thing I didn't care for it was too short
Sequel
I hope this is just chapter one and not a one off story.
a fine prologue
when will we be able to read the rest of the story?
Question
Is there going to be more to this story?
A very good start
I want to read more of their vacation.
Thanks for the read
Great story!
Really great story, hoping there will be other chapters to this!
Disappointed
It's a shame :\ this could have been a few chapters long, really good build up story about working out, just wish it hadn't got intimate so fast.
to short
nice build up but ended too soon
A good start
I wish you would write longer stories, or at least continue them. Lots of teasing build-up with no satisfactory conclusion at the end of the story. This particular story was all foreplay, no fucking.
On a technical note, you switched from past tense to present tense at this paragraph:
"No baby. We can't." She said as she leans even closer so that her nipples brush my chest. She begins kissing my neck. I can feel tell that she is getting close.
Then back to past tense at:
"Oh baby, fuck!" It was the first time I had ever heard my mom curse and it was the hottest time I had ever heard that word spoken....
Pick a tense and stick to it throughout. Past tense is usually better than present tense.
Had much more potential
You need to write more. Obviously he should be full fucking his mom after the workouts... Mutual masturbation is a good start, but shouldn't be the end...
Maybe I don't get it,
but was there some underlying attraction between mother and son that led to their affair?
Mom: "Your father doesn't think I'm attractive."
Son: "I do."
Stage direction: Characters proceed to sex.
More? Please?
Ch. 2?
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