Codex

Great, just one problem

Great story! Absolutely love it. The only problem I have is the constant shift in "I", it gets a little tiresome always wondering who the "I' is at a given moment in the story.

I wanted to like this... I really did.

A story that reads like a Juvenile Ahaz tale? What's not to like? After grinding my way through a third of this I'd say plenty.

This story needs and editor badly.

A first person narrative that features head hopping from paragraph to paragraph usually with no attribution as to who "I" is that goes on and on and on with little happening. The characters are sharply drawn but they don't do much. I guess they are supposed to be millenial slackers but they seem do even less that you would imagine. In fact, they seem to do nothing other than talk and talk and talk. To each other, to their magic book, to themselves... but they don't really seem to say much.

So yeah. An editor. A real one that could work with the writer to craft these pages into a story narrative could do wonders. As it sits now it's just too much of a much.

I have to disagree...

...with the previous commentators. SR, in my opinion this story in is written in a personal style that reflects your personality and your sense of humor.

Yes, it took a small bit of intellectual effort to sort out the constant shifting between your characters and their POVs. Yes, that makes you SR, a horrible person to expect your suffering readers to actually have to use their unwonted intellects to actually make an effort at comprehending context.

Still ...

Seems to be an interesting and nice story. But the comments do have a point. I am willing to make an effort at comprehending, so are most of the other readers. But still, there ought to be some sign in the text when the point of view changes: a larger distance between the paragraph or something. It is a thing of the author's style that we have to learn while reading that the narrator changes; but it is not a question of style when I have to wonder in every paragraph: Is it Emma's turn or Julie's? And there are even paragraphs where it is difficult to tell even if you have accepted that each one is a quiz ... Dont be too severe, fanfare. You have to concede that, too.

Loved the story . . . Hated the lack of editing

I have to agree with the comments here about the lack of editing. The story was great, but I had to struggle to make it through to the end. It's such a shame too. I really liked the storyline. But the "head hopping" with no notice was a textbook example of what not to do when writing a story. And it wasn't just the changing POV, the author kept confusing who the POV character was within a given POV. This could have all been fixed with editing. It's why it's always good to have someone else read over your story before publishing.

Very good!

Like the other commenters, it took me a while to figure out the "POV swopping", but once I got the hang of it, it didn't bother me. Even the points where you mixed up the characters wasn't a big deal. But of course, an editor would be nice :-)

I read it flat out, ruining my Saturday completely…

Any chance of a chapter 2?

Confusing

The switching of PoV was very confusing and changing names .... Where did Thomas come from ?

Who is Thomas?

love the story. BUT, next time if you are going to switch pov's, could put like stars or something to denote change.
Also, switching between Thomas and Sam really was annoying!!!!!!!

Enjoyed

Editing would have helped. I agree with all the comments.Was not that excited with the ending. So I hope there is a part two.
Really liked some of the authors imagination. You seem like you would be fun to spend some time with lol.
Ruined my weekend in a fun way. Love long story's .
But I must confess I'm a little sore.
Sissy
Janet

Overall its a really great story thank you ☺

good but sooo many problems

It was such a good story that I kept reading it, even though it was a MESS!

The whole Tom/Sam thing got super annoying. If you're going to change a character's name, that's what search-and-replace is for! CTRL-H

And if you're going to switch PoV, throw some ellipsis in there or SOMETHING to give us readers a clue.

And spellcheck and grammar check.

That said, it was a fun story, and I kept coming back to it.

Reading

It could have been presented in chapters as it was a bit long

Sequel?

Sequel?

what

I am so sorry, but you need an editor. You can't write 3 separate characters in first person.

I Loved it

I absolutely loved your story and would definitely read anything else you decide to publish on this site. Yeah yeah there were the minor problems with the character switching (you could have put in brackets the person's name or something to make it clear) and I will agree the Tom/Sam thing with the names was confusing as hell.
But those problems aside you have made a phenomenal piece of work that many have read. I hope you take on board the constructive criticism and make either a sequel or something just as good. Either way keep it up!

Amazing story!

Easily one of the best expansion-transformation stories I've ever read, I would gladly read anything else you decide to publish! I will make sure to suggest this story to anyone else who asks for these kinds of stories (as stupid as that sounds typed out, whoops) and I look forward to anything else you do! As far as critisicm, I would only say that the usage of pronouns for Sam was a little confusing between viewpoints. Other than that this story is amazingly well written and planned out, and obviously very painstakingly and lovingly made. Thank you for contributing to a rather un-populated community as far as good stories go.

WoW

wow, once i figured out that the names were the first person swapping, and there was a few he/she glitches on sams part, it was a great story. i read it all the way to the end the first time i saw it. You have a great concept, and it is well written. I do not even like half of the fetishes in here (BE, multiple), it was a great fun exploratory story.

Epic story and one that kept my interest until the very end. Bravo! I know such stories take a considerable amout of time , energy and perhaps magic ....I do hope you continue to write.

loved it

I couldn't put this story down, I loved it every step of the way, please keep this story going

This was great!

Really entertaining and erotic story. Keep up the good work!

Sequel

Please do a sequel...this is by far the best, if not one of the best stories on Literotica I have ever read, and it deserves a sequel or maybe a prequel :) ?

Sequel Request

Please submit a sequel to this. It is a brilliant story that is so hard to put down and begs for a sequel to see what chaos Julie, Emma, Sam, Anna and Obeus get up to.

Great Story!

I loved this story and I encourage you to do another one. One reccomendation: have a spell cast on Sam that turns her into a sexy catgirl with a tail and ears.

Will there be a sequel?

I would gladly read a sequel about the girls, or further exploits involving the contents of the shop! Please!

holy shit....

just.... wow

sequel

I would pay you to write a sequel to this

The BEST transformation story ever!

Make a sequel! Please!! I couldn't stop reading :S Ah, well... I guess I'll do what I had to do tomorrow instead :P

Sequel, Please!

Where do I send my check??

I'd like to throw a request into the ring with everyone else's:
At one point Emma loses her vag completely and is left with a featureless crotch, and at another point she loses her nips... Wouldn't be great if she lost both at the same time and got really really horny? Just a thought.

Excellent. Why haven't you published?

Well worth the two hours of furious masturbation it took to finish this story. Sexy, coherent, and well defined. Emma should be made a lesbian though, or at least a three way couple sort of thing. When does Samwise get magick? Maybe give her a wand or something. Make her the one that cooks and cleans. Overall, on of the best stories I have read on here. Expand the storyline and create a book.

Hidden detail

I love the nod to Nanomek in the store. It's so hard to find good transformation stories, and to see where you've gotten inspiration from really brought a smile to my face.

Impressed

I am... realy! And i'm not kind of easily.
Not for the theme in particular, but for the good writing and interesting presonae; and most important no awful cruel minds messing up the emotions and feelings while reading.
I found barely a typo and only one logical error.

Besides the magic-stuff is allways interesting as there are nearly no limits to your fantasy, I love the switchover between the characters.
I can not understate the presence of likable, faithful and wholehearted loving protagonists, may they be as mischievous and licentious as they can be. And a good end always makes the reader smile. ;-)

Oh and of cource I would be delighted if there were a sequel in the future!

Very well done!

This might be my favourite story on the site. Good, clear writing style and excellent ideas from a very imaginative and debauched mind. Given the length of the story, I expected to become bored after, say, page 7 or 8 but I was constantly entertained by your original ideas. Bran is awesome! I couldn't help but feel that you represent some mixture of Sam and the man in the business suit. Please write a sequel!

Addendum to my previous comment

I just read the other comments to this story and am surprised to see the high level of confusion about the POV style. Perhaps the story was edited to make it more clear after those comments were written, but I had no problem identifying whose perspective I was reading. Man, I want to read more!

WOW. porn with a plot! worth it just for the storyline alone!

What a ride! I know this was filed under FF stuff, but WOW does this particular thread you've cooked up have potential for some straight action too! (...yes I know the spellshop multi-author universe extends far beyond this story, but this is by FAR the best one I've come across - PERIOD.) Anyway, mildly disappointed that there was no guy-on-girl, or equivalent (see; futa) action but, well, whatever gets your rocks off. That said, I laughed, I was on the edge of my seat, and at the end I'm HONESTLY sad it's over. I didn't get off once on it, but now I want a pet Grimoire with a wizard's soul trapped in it... SO BAD!!!
- So yeah, this isn't exactly MY kink, but it was a hell of a story anyway. The author made it enjoyable regardless for anyone willing to venture outside "their" little box. Talk about a page turner! PORN WITH A PLOT!!! I LOVE IT! Even if there isn't one sentence about a vag getting properly stuffed (in the biological sense) in the whole 20 pages of it, this was some good stuff.

P.S. I especially loved the occasional attempts at sound effects. Those made me laugh every single time. PERFECT.

Adding to my previous comment (made accont to doublepost)

After reading all the comments on this story I have to come to one of two conclusions a) either the first few comments after this story was posted more than a year ago (as of this post) were written by insane cruel perfectionist people or (more likely) b) this story has been heavily worked on, edited, and added to by the author in the intervening time. I'm guessing the latter is the case because none of the earlier comments ring true to me at all - and most of them seemed to have been actively guarded against by mechanisms that had been added to the story to clear up EXACTLY that possible problem. Hell, I even saw a few comments that amounted to requests that actually appeared in the text as it reads now. So... uh... DUDE(ette?)!! YOU GO!! KEEP WRITING!!! I'd ask for a sequel, but we're already on chapter... what? 15? hell with it, just keep going!

My own personal request; Break this monster up into sub-posts. When you add a new chapter, upload it as a whole new story link. That way it's a heck of a lot easier to notice that you've added a change and there's more to read now! Forgive me, but when a new section comes out I WANNA KNOW ABOUT IT DAMNIT!

Beyond that- thoughts; Sam never actually touches the book or tries to read it - so it's never CONFIRMED she cant use magic on her own - plot twit maybe? Also, even if it's like, the very last chapter, I'd love to see bran... "unstuck." And, if it's not obvious from my previous plot, I'd LOVE to see someone plow someone else in this story SOMEHOW. My own personal kinks are consensual impreg/preg develops with plot (Julie grows a temporary set and puts one in Sam?), Lactation (go nuts - I'm not picky, MORE PLEASE!), and big boobs (spent the entire time hoping Emma would go for a permanently bigger set. *sadface*)

All and all -- KEEP GOING! great job so far!

Impressive and fun ride!

This story was fantastic, I don't normally enjoy magic stories so much. But the art and skill used to describe the smallest details was perfect! not too vague, not too detailed, just enough to vividly paint the world in my head. Thank you so much for writing this story. I've loved the whole thing and can't wait to read more!

Really feel like Bran is just accepting his position as a book and doesn't think he can get out. But I don't want to suggest or ruin anything you write because it's perfect as is!

Thank you thank you thank you!

epic

best story ever. loved this story. loved each chapter. loved the different perspectives too. if you ever write more let me know. you have a fan in me. 😊

Ummm........

Only deserves 3.3*

Best story on the entire Internet

It's worth 10 out of 5! It's THAT good! The idiot "phoenix23ninja" is just a jealous kid who can't even write his own name yet.