by bigtasty101
Nice story idea that needed developed and written as more than one page here. Lot's of potential in your writing, take the time to develop your characters and storyline. The devil is in the details!
Really hot story, I'd love to read more. Hate the boring details, want to know more about the fucking.
The first story is always the hardest. I'll give you a B minus, as the grammar is fairly good, as is the construction. Barepusslover is correct about the character development. We need to know more about these people and why the do the things they do if we're to care about them. If you can do that, then your stories will become erotica and not just porn. Waiting for your next offering...
"...bring a change of cloths."
What were the cloths for? Were they going to wash some windows...?
This belongs in the Anal category, not the BDSM one. Nothing here was even remotely BDSM.
The grammar is atrocious and the story progresses much too quickly.
And is her name "Erica" or "Erika"? Be consistent.
The dialogue is very robotic and dull.
Very unsatisfactory story.
It was in the anal catagory. If u pull me down check your own facts first.
WHO the hell puts a condom on a strap on? For what? And taking the condom off then sucking doesnt qualify as ass to mouth. Try again with proof reading