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Slow Down!!
Nice story idea that needed developed and written as more than one page here. Lot's of potential in your writing, take the time to develop your characters and storyline. The devil is in the details!
wow
Really hot story, I'd love to read more. Hate the boring details, want to know more about the fucking.
Congratulations on your first submission!
The first story is always the hardest. I'll give you a B minus, as the grammar is fairly good, as is the construction. Barepusslover is correct about the character development. We need to know more about these people and why the do the things they do if we're to care about them. If you can do that, then your stories will become erotica and not just porn. Waiting for your next offering...
Very nice debute story
Left me wanting to read about the morning after.
A change of cloths
"...bring a change of cloths."
What were the cloths for? Were they going to wash some windows...?
Yikes.
This belongs in the Anal category, not the BDSM one. Nothing here was even remotely BDSM.
The grammar is atrocious and the story progresses much too quickly.
And is her name "Erica" or "Erika"? Be consistent.
The dialogue is very robotic and dull.
Very unsatisfactory story.
check first
It was in the anal catagory. If u pull me down check your own facts first.
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