All Comments on 'I Dream of You'

curves of satiny thin skin '....one more fix of your soul-strippin' screams -----outstanding phrases & figures of speech , emotions , feelings ---5-ed !!

[ because of the dark illustration couldn't read directly from screen very clearly --later took a printout & appreciated your fine work ]

I favor the recited version, though a slightly better audio quality would help there. The pause between the title and the poem feels a bit long to me.

What makes the audio version my preference also happens to be my favorite line of the entire poem: "tasting your skin your skin your skin"

Your reading of that line conveys the feeling of the whole piece in just those few words. It's hard to imagine that anyone couldn't relate to that feeling in that moment.

Aesthetically, I don't care for the indents here. I don't have anything against indents generally, but something about them in this illustration isn't working for me. I can't quite put my finger on why (I'm not expert on this) but it doesn't feel balanced. Though, perhaps that's what was intended.

Over all, I enjoyed this piece, and I think you did a good job creating the mental images and emotions in it.

I think your poem is too "on-the-nose."

Too much imagery here and not enough context/action. Kind of stuffy.

the tongue polisher is excited. TK U MLJ LV NV

Just lovely.

It left me imaging the narrator deep night in bed with their significant other beside them, asleep, still busy surfing the web and the light of the device illuminating parts of the body lying next, not so well hidden by a light blanket. There seems to be a strong temptation to leave the keyboard and reach out...

Thanks for bringing up the hollow of the knee here, and less the 'usual' places of interest, such a sensitive, ticklish playground.

Technically:

I totally agree with Lyricalli. Unfortunately, technology took some of the beauty of your reciting when noise and sample rate took control of the recording. A headset can be a good choice, keeping the same distance between voice and microphone. Noise cancellation can be boon and bane here. I wouldn't use it while recording, but use a respective filter in the post-processing.

About the illustration: I would suggest not to use parts of pictures with high contrasts to put text on it, it gets hard to read. The last stanza works quite well in this way, but a few of the lines on the left are difficult to see. While the font is easy-to-read, I would recommend a less straight one, this one leaves, I don't know how to say this better, cool feeling. Separating text and graphic is, from my point of view, the best choice to cause the least distraction from each individual ingredient.

Both audio and illustrated work equally excellently!!!