All Comments on 'I Married A Porn Star'

You need to work on your writing, I felt like I was reading a 12 year old's story going by the writing. Also need an editor.

good for you for trying

from my side of the desk... need to develop the characters and the depth of the story... 3 from me

there shouldn't be any surprises as to her roles. TK U MLJ LV NV

The plot was quite good but unfortunately you failed to do it justice. You seriously need a good editor as your writing is stilted & almost childlike. Keep trying, I'm sure you will improve. 3***

The story had a good start, but the writer couldn't find a way to make justice to the story, having an exaggerated ending...3*...

Good: Basic plot idea of discovering partner is a porn star. Erotic action between wife and female partner. Grammar and spelling.

Bad: Details of his first marriage added nothing to the story, and detracted from the character. Why would he marry someone after such casual and short dating? What made the wife cheat? Why did he not sue the bank for his wife's affair? Why does he ignore/abandon his children from the first marriage? Most of the details of his first marriage, and their omission from the story, make it appear this is a very shallow and maybe stupid person. So who cares what happens to him?

The quick fuck from the second wife indicates a cheap shallow woman. A three month courtship then marriage reinforces his cheap shallow character, and add her's to it. He got burned in his first marriage so why so quickly remarry? Why not just cohabitate? The shallowness and ignorance is driven home when he discovers his wife was a porn star. How could he not know? What made her think she could keep this secret, with her films so readily available? Hell, she's in Las Vegas, using her film name of CJ, and she never expected someone to recognize her? All that part of the plot is so unlikely that it makes the story unbelievable.

Then her leaving him without a word, waiting to be discovered, makes her look manipulative and even more dishonest. That they reconnect and he has more kids makes all the characters more shallow, cheap, selfish, and really irresponsible when is comes to children. If the children have no role in the story just leave them out, since how the characters treat children obviously implies what kind of people the characters are. Your characters have so little substance that the story comes off as thin and forgettable. Since they care so little about so much, they compel us to care little for them and their story.

If you want to develop and improve your skill I suggest you find other authors and stories you respect, and study their work. Writing is easy. Writing well is one of the most difficult challenges of any profession. Good luck!

I understand divorcing his first wife but why would a bank hire a married couple and transfer one and not the other? What kind of asshat abandons his children? First he claims that he never date the same woman twice then he meets and marries a woman three months after they met without knowing anything about her. Why would she live in a crappy apartment if she owns a house in Malibu? How can he afford a Private Investigator and a hot Mustang and yet "just make ends meet"?

A lot of potential but your main character seems to be all about himself.

Sounds like fun threeways and pron. Maybe you can be in threeway with Jasmine and her guy. You can become FLUFFER would that be great. YUM YUM YUM

Add to that, the last thing she tells him is "I will abide on whatever decision you make" and then disappears without giving him time to digest what he just found out and come a whatever decision. If he hadn't decided to look for her, then what? All that would have done is put the onus of their relationship on him. Didn't she think that the logical reasion from her disappearing like that is that, despite her last point, she really didn't want to be with him?

<P>

Also, pick a tense. This often switches between present and past. Past is consistent with the epilogue.

It appears you have some work to do with your story plots. One thing contradicts another here and there. Hang in there. Don't let the naysayers get to you. Cheers!

I figured I didn't have permission to read it so I gave it a 1 star. Keep it.

"I had worked there for a year. I dated some what, but nothing serious. I would just take them out for dinner and a fuck. I never dated the same girl twice. "- Is he bragging or complaining? I didn't read any further. That was enough.

Keep posting and entertain us some more. Note that you really need a proof reader.

...."How I Got Into Porn". Just a little too "outline-y" for my taste.

So, obviously, wifey was OK with hubby fucking Jasmine...probably because she was back in films and fucking all the studs. Does he fuck anyone else? Does she (off set, I mean)? I mean, in that business, I don't see how they can get very far without fucking around a lot.

So, what we are meant to see from this is that love is not sex and sex is not love...unless you love who you're having sex with...?

It doesn't ring true to me, though. Too many broken homes and shattered lives where that is simply not the case.

Finally, in your writing, you have this rather annoying tendency to shift tense all over the place....between present narrative and past narrative voice.

"I fuck her hard as I can, and she fucked me back just as hard".

Not a sample, but an example. It's rampant and becomes very annoying.

Please get help with that, flesh out your characters, and add some color to the events in your story.

What makes a story great, is that it (first and foremost) is a story....then we learn enough about at least some of the characters to relate to and/or like them. Then environment, the descriptions of places and things that people typically notice as they go places and do things, can enrich the story and serve to make it more realistic to readers.

So, get all that down, and you might get some very positive attention. You've shown that you understand the procession of time and how people move int he world......just left it too sparse and shifting to be enjoyable.

I liked your relatively simple story, and agree with others that it could easily be better. However, if we did not see the existing quality and potential for more, there would be no need for all the responses. You have invoked some emotions in us to get such an unusually large number of comments.

Please write again. Editors are free and they can help improve a story.

But still a good read. Thanks for sharing.

She ran away to LA to her old friend:

but instead of Jasmine the hot Black chick pornstar who loves anal sex and is bisexual,

It was Rex the 10" BBC weilding Pornstar who was into domination and pain.

Hmmmm....

Now, you say, that ISN'T the fantasy, that ISN'T the story... OK.

But really, does it matter WHO the ex-lover cum current is? She ran away for weeks to go shack up with AN EX-LOVER!!!!!!!

All without giving him a chance, with out explaining anything, and with narry a thought as to resolving their marriage.

I suppose making her bi-sexual, and initiating the FFM threesome makes for a "sexier" story, but what it DOESN"T do, is change the fact that she is a shitty human being, and that our narrator despite all of HIS faults, has been cheated on and lied to.

It IS OK to have him accept her past, and enjoy the open marriage lifestyle. But like others have pointed out, you do this with some pretty unlikable characters, and no consequences for some pretty apalling behaviors.

As to writing skills, the tense shifts were REALLY bad, but the biggest problems are the missed opportunities to have done SO MUCH MORE with this plot line and story.

Without judging content with anysort of moral compass, this story STILL is only a generous 2, because of the miriad flaws in writing style. Sorry, and I hope you do better next time. Thanks anyway for trying. I don't think you should give up. Good Luck!

Interesting first half, with some emotional depth . Good start on the character development.

Unfortunately, turned into a typical male fantasy, with nothing original after hiring the P.I.

No more character development, no more emotion. Added the stock lesbian lover who gladly accepted the husband, to the home and the bed. Pretty poor plot effort ,gave you 3*s because it's readable. Keep writing and you will improve.

AMerryMan

promising start , sad to see it become so flat & one dimensional.

.

thought the Author had a good base plot.

could have done soo much more with it

Family & Friends / work colleagues .. dealing with the Porn history

ex wife .. kids from the 1st marriage ?

..

instead we got none of that , just wham bam .. happy ever after .

I read both stories. The guy in both is stupid. The females are phony. You had a good base with Ivory guy in the Army as I am a 22 year navy guy. The it went to shit.

Try again but make the people real.

MCPO Jim

This was an okay take on the "I married a porn star" story line. The one thing I didn't understand was why he got screwed so badly in his first marriage? Why would he walk away from his kids and why, if he had enough money to hire a PI, he didn't have enough money to get him visitation and more with his kids from the first marriage? That bothered me.

Rapid attention. Wow. The stupidity of that phrase sums up just how bad this was.

You owe US stars.

stupid story in need of editing.

this happened and then that happened and they all had sex and had kids who will find out their parents are moral less pornstars, great read my friend absolutely wonderful writing and plot line kudos

If she's not answering her 'phone you leave an SMS or a voicemail. Having her followed is stalkerish and creepy - if anything, it will destroy your chances of anything other than a divorce and a restraining order against you. Reporting her missing when she walked out voluntarily is annoying. And your first priority when you do find her is to see if she'll invite you to have sex with someone else? Not something I'd expect from someone supposedly so dearly concerned with repairing the primary relationship.

Try actually communicating with your wife first, it isn't all about you.

In this regard, the story - and particularly the ending - makes no sense. This isn't a marriage. Marriage is a complex, emotion-laden beast. This is a shallow, simplistic fantasy about having sex with a porn star. There's nothing else here.

Nice fantasy but it wouldn't work. How about the husband finds another girl to bring in to the relationship? You think that would work out?

no rating

He has a problem with her past but will fuck her friend and let her now perform in porn videos? Just too stupid to believe. And wife 1 fucks her boss and he does nothing about it. Fucking stupid. 1* for this effort.

cuck shit!!! Fuck you annony!!!

Vote 1* for 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐁 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐄™ (that's what her clients call her) aka BONNIE/VASTIE aka NEEDYOU200 aka 5+ANNONY!

...zero character personality and lousy description of the sex. The last time I was this dry, was when I had to eat a handful of saltines with no liquids to settle a violent stomach.

My god, try reading this out loud.....It’s horrible!

Sorry.

No. Thank. You.

I have to agree with most of the comments. Exceptions:

Story says she gave up porn before she knew him so we have to accept that. Story says he called and left messages. Bitch didn't call him back.

My comments are, she knew he hired a PI so clearly she has resources she is using to track the situation. At the very least, she has private security watching her. This, with the lack of message call backs, mean she is, yeah, a manipulative bitch. While it seems likely she is at least having sex with Jasmine before he shows up, we know damn well Jasmine is fucking and sucking the world so now that he's had his three way I'd suggest he get a full STD check done. Then either run or get snipped and avoid bringing children into this begging for trouble scenario.

Okay for the most part but you had some big holes. In Florida, he wouldn't have "lost it all". He would have gotten half and some custody or visitation. Taking off and leaving the kids makes him an asshole. If his wife is fucking her Boss at the bank then a good lawyer is going to get him a LOT more than half. Including a large payout from the bank. It would be child's play to get his wife and her Boss fired. SO that part made no sense. And how is his new wife keeping track of him? She knows he hired a PI? Really? Your ending was a little too much fairy tale.

Too much that she doesn't tell.him. Porn actress, bisexual, pretty important stuff. Should have let her go.

I agree with what Anon 05/29/15 said, more or less. This story started out fairly well, with a decent setup, interesting characters, and an emotionally believable reveal of the issues in the marriage. Unfortunately, it devolved into a male fantasy where all is forgotten quite easily and getting laid solves everything. All character development was left by the wayside in favor of porn-style threesomes. Sure, this is Literotica and it's expected that authors will have sex scenes but that's no excuse to ignore the salient points of the conflict in the story. Frank and CJ had a lot of issues between them, a lot of unmentioned history, a lot of mistrust. Going out to L.A. and seeing that she was still hanging out with one of her porn star buddies and going out wearing next to nothing wouldn't have gone a very long way towards ensuring Frank felt secure in their marriage. Then the threesome nonsense happens and he joins the two of them for some porn scenes even though he's a nobody with normal genitalia... It just didn't work.

I give credit for a good beginning and a nicely realistic confrontation scene but the ball was dropped in the end.

You never give up on your kids. They will grow up hating him since he basically abandoned them. I couldn't be happy for him because of that.

You probably don’t want an editor, but you really need to find someone to proof read your work to clean up the grammatical and syntax errors and wrong word usage.

That was sheer fun. 5/5

You're trying to tell me that for the 2 weeks she was in L.A. she didn't dress the same way and party? She was staying with her friend and didn't have sex with her while still being married? If I would have found all that it would have just confirmed all my thoughts and made me think what else was she doing during her "modeling" job in Vegas. Not to mention all the things she neglected to mention when they got married, porn, house, money. Nope, juvenile fantasy land stuff,

sex worker means fuck em and dump em