I kinda got a 40's/50's-vaudeville-slang vibe from this, which made it kind of hard to take it seriously. But reading it in that sort of voice(can't remember for the life of me where the voice I'm thinking of is from, my apologies) made me laugh pretty hard!
A nice piece. A little short but nice. I'd like to read more of the adventures of Red and Freddy but now that we've gotten the gist, perhaps we can forego the 'Red' references to everything in the story.
Overall, this was a decent story, but your use of language is a bit pretentious and self-conscious. In particular, your repeated alliteration doesn't work very well---partially because it's usually obvious that you're reaching for words that have the same initial letter. Without your affected ornamentation, it could've been a much better piece.
English
red and Freddy....
Liked this story, please continue.....
Hilarious
I kinda got a 40's/50's-vaudeville-slang vibe from this, which made it kind of hard to take it seriously. But reading it in that sort of voice(can't remember for the life of me where the voice I'm thinking of is from, my apologies) made me laugh pretty hard!
Cheers.
turb=n around was fair playq
Usually it is the guy that hides the camera. Great idea changing the format
Nicely done
A nice piece. A little short but nice. I'd like to read more of the adventures of Red and Freddy but now that we've gotten the gist, perhaps we can forego the 'Red' references to everything in the story.
More
Sequel Please
Sister
Wish I had a sister !!!!
Wow
Very exciting. Looking at pictures of my older stepbrother right now. ;-)
HOTT!
This is making me have bad thoughts about my half brother
Decent effort
Overall, this was a decent story, but your use of language is a bit pretentious and self-conscious. In particular, your repeated alliteration doesn't work very well---partially because it's usually obvious that you're reaching for words that have the same initial letter. Without your affected ornamentation, it could've been a much better piece.
3 stars.
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