All Comments on 'Udmuristan'

A nice light romance - and well written. Keep up the good work!

Really liked the characters, really liked the plot, but I felt the story was too short. It needs to be longer and more developed. So, I gave it a 4 instead of a 5.

That was GREAT!! I agree with Sorm113 though! It was too short! :)

Thanks everybody for the kind remarks. I had expected more grammar complaints as English is not my native language. I agree that the story is rather short and I would have loved to stay with the characters for a while longer. But I also had the impression that everything that needed to be said has been said and I wanted to avoid to dilute things. But I will keep your suggestions in mind in case I post more stories. My other stories mostly refer to wifes/fiancées/girlfriends doing something outrageously stupid and then striving (usually successfully) for reconciliation. I´m still kind of undecided if I should post them. Udmuristan in contrast is very short and pleasant, so I decided to dare posting it.

While her recovery and assurance after being a sex slave was not truly believable, the dream fantasy of a perfect rescue and perfect love would make anyone yearn to be them. As a male, I so envy him.

Please write more in a similar vein. There are so few beautiful, noble stories in the world.

A good romance....but too short...after two years of slavery she would need psychiatric help...3*

But done with charm and a nice light touch. The author shows real potential.

Good use of idiom and remarkably free of heavy handed inflection based sentence structure often seen with German writers.

As others have said, the story is light and airy with an improbable cast of characters and a timeline that is far too short... but it's own internal logic works well. Kind of like a 90's rom-com. Doesn't make much sense in the real world, but works fine on it's own.

Maybe some better editing but overall entertaining to read.

First, let me apologize for rating your other story less than a 5*. I was reacting to the ending and not the style and total content of the story. I felt that my reaction was like giving Hemingway a bad review for "The old man and the sea" because he let the fish die.

This story and the other are well layed out and crafted. I really appreciate your effort and plan to read the rest of your work. I hope and look forward to reading more of your writing.

Thanks a lot.

A good story with characters.

Maybe a little thin, and implausible, but warm and loving. The only unbelievable part is that he would fall for her so quickly and openly. Given his life style and experience, you would think he would move more cautiously, and slowly. I guy like him should have lots of experience with beautiful charming women, and not be so easily enchanted. Especially since so many of the women in his environment are just like him, on the prowl and hunting for profit and advantage. So it seemed rather too Cinderella-ish. But as I said, it was a fun read and a happy ending, so far.

And not that implausible. I met and married a Playboy bunny from England when I was a student at UNLV. We just celebrated our 37th anniversary. Now, that's implausible!

On a site full of 44DD boobs, 12" inch cocks, and super-human sexual abilities, we're gonna argue about this story's plausibility? Are you maybe an unemployed English Lit. graduate?

I did agree with some comments that the story is some what cinderella, however that is the authors perogative !

For me I would have likd at least 2 more pages on how Laura adjusted to her new home, lover, and freedom.

Plus there was no background confession of her 2 years in the life as a slave !

Surely she would sucked a lotbof cock, swallowed gsllons of jisum especially with that blonde fsce of hers.

Normally slaves do go through some sort of processing and training with I suspect some punishment along the way !

And she dances more sexily than Cinderella? Can't beat that.

To mushy.

Should have dedicated another page to Laura getting reintegrated and developing their relationship. Love at first sight is fine, but perhaps not let them get married within a few days of meeting each other. Especially with all the beuracracy, emotional reunions, and perhaps psychological problems she would be going through.

I've read this before, not sure why I never commented before because I really liked it!

One nitpick, because you wouldn't know it was me if I didn't!

He talked about getting her back in school, but she's 27, and has been there for two years, or since she was 25. Wouldn't she have graduated long ago?

that was different. Very fun read. I think any decent guy has fantasies about rescuing the damsel in distress so yeah, well done.

A few things:

1. Being a forced slave for 2 years, I think she would have been more traumatized than this. She would have also been more indoctrinated into "slave" mode. This could have been used to promote character detail more fully, and express the development of their relationship.

2. The verb form of "scent" is "smell".

3. He was from LA in america. Our cars don't have "boots", they have "trunks". Using a european term loses character development.

Do not give fives

Made it a bit too Snowhite for me. Add a little complication to the emotions, yet still a happy ending, would have made it better (for me). Good writing, though, as usual.

4-stars

that is a delightful antidote to every day reality. Loved it. Cute, quick and well written. Thanks for sharing.

But very sweet

i couldnt finish this. He's not a bad man, regarding the circumstances. I hope he enjoys his short remaining lifespan. wow idk if ur were writing andy as an asshole who is as bad as the ppl he CHOOSES to deal with the scum of the human race. i was hoping andy would die with the other that he deals with. with that said i gotta go wash my hands

i couldnt finish this. He's not a bad man, regarding the circumstances. I hope he enjoys his short remaining lifespan. wow idk if ur were writing andy as an asshole who is as bad as the ppl he CHOOSES to deal with the scum of the human race. i was hoping andy would die with the other that he deals with. with that said i gotta go wash my hands

At least I believe so. Well written and entertaining. *****

Yes, I liked this fantasy romance. It did happen a little to quickly but it was still enjoyable. I have a few nitpicks but it was overall a very good romance.

Thank you for another good story.

As improbable as it was, I loved this story. I just wish there were a few more pages of it. It’s simply a modern-day’ADULT’ fairy tale. Thanks, stev2244, I’ll certainly be checking out more of your works. 5 stars, for sure.

Good fun romance. Thanks.

overall nice story.

but I have a little issue with how fast they fell in "love".

she wasn't even really looking at him during his stay with Akmur, even less really "talking" to him. but she decided she wants him and he was the one?

Uhm...ok.

If it would've developed after her slavery, okay yes during her stay with him and waiting for the parents.

that was a little odd detail. but overall very enjoyable read

I never really venture into the Romance genre on the site, unless it's a crossover/transition from a LW story. As I've commented a couple times lately, I'm going down your stories in alphabetical order and decided to give this a try. I absolutely loved it! Yes, I had to may suspend believability of two falling in love at first sight, but who doesn't wish that could really happen? [My wife and I went on an unofficial first date and then saw each other everyday until I was stationed at a new military base, It was less than a year from when we met until we married. That wedding was 35+ years, five children and five grandchildren and counting ago. So, yes, something close could happen!]

Was a good read only real complaint was it's too short.

I really liked this story. It had a good pace fun feel to it throughout. Laura seemed fresh and delightful. Another 5 stars!

This was strange..I suppose it was romantic in an odd knight in armor way. But this love at first site seems to be totally 180 for a hard edge business man, and a woman who has been enslaved for more than 2 years must have serious psychological issues. There would be no easy mental way of walking away from that sort of trauma.

Excellent, I invariably go for the romance stories, and most of all, a good 'yarn', this and defeating greyness are two of the best I've read,

Well done!

Wish it was longer, feels like a love story on fast forward. So much could have been done with this idea.

Even though he purchased her, they got together far too quickly. At one time I thought he would end up with both sisters it was going so fast. Who knows, the sister may be in the bedroom closet!

Good story that had great potential had you lengthened the subsequent U.S. Portion out to make it more robust.

Good bones but lacks build up for many of the happenings.

Good story, but definitely feels rushed.

Agree with any others that this seemed very rushed. A lot of things could be expanded. However, my biggest issue is that “….stans….” do not exist in South America and a name like Akmur also generally comes from the other side of the world. More of her story during the 2 years might have helped to explain — perhaps more time/trouble getting back to LA.

Thank you for the very romantic story. Full marks from me. Randi.

Nice!

5 I applaud Randi's comments.

Now I am not a member, but I do care about good story tellers and have given "full" editorial assistance to several writers who are doing quite well in the Romance section. I also encourage a minimum of 2 editors, because I sure am not perfect.

I am often frustrated with comments on Literotica. Commenters mark down good stories when the story is about as perfect as possible.

The anon. comment three before mine is a perfect example. The writer complains: “….stans….” do not exist in South America. The comment is true, but shows careless reading or a lack of geographic knowledge. Where was Laura kidnapped? "I wanted to travel into the Caucasus region on my own."

For the uninformed that is in the mountainous area in Russia, Georgia, Azerbaijan, and Armenia near where Turkey and Iran have a common border. It is the location of the ark on Mt Ararat in the flood narrative. It was a site of a major battle in WW 2. The Germans wanted the oil for their war machine. The ‘stans’ are just on the other side of the Caspian Sea. The author was spot on, the comment appears to have come from careless reading or ignorance.

South America was mentioned but as a contrast to the dangers in the ‘stan’.

P.S. If you don't know something, Google is just a clique away.

The Hoary Cleric

5 stars from me. Yes, I like fairy tales and I see that the author knows post-Soviet climates....

Oh so good.

Your story had a realism about it, unusual since it was short & had no real space to develop the characters.

I look forward to reading more of your work.

vielen Dank

Good story, although the proposal was a bit premature.

I like this a lot. Stev2244's stories have a perfect ratio of farce woven into them. It makes the over-the-top situations acceptable and not threatening, if you get what I mean. The ones without farce are genuinely intense. Don't change anything!

Wow, her parents didn’t blink at the ‘slave’ comment? They should have been horrified! And announcing that she was dragging him off to have sex right in front of said parents… hmmm. Semi-surprised that the sister didn’t wind up as part of a thruple.