The Nude Gun

good one....

I enjoyed this story very much . Fun read ,gave it a 5 hope the next chapter is more of the same .

Mannequin*

Not manikin.

Mannequin

A mannequin (also called a manikin, dummy, lay figure or dress form)...I always do a little research as I write and really prefer mannequin to manikin, but I dropped the ball and didn't realize I had missed the spelling that I really wanted. Nice catch!

Yes, unquestionably a great story. MS Spell Check accepts manikin, so maybe mannequin can be left to the more cunning linguists among us.
Outstanding story line. Please hurry and move it along before the batteries in that thing wear down. Does it have a recharger?
Can you put it on constant beam so you can blast an entire super bowl stadium from just rotating around in center field?
And it's very well written as well.

My only real gripe was already covered....

.....the rest? Excellent!
I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

not into Brother and Sister incest bit

First off I liked the story but the bit about the sister that part in stories always bothered me. For me I am looking forward to figure stories but bits with him and his biological sister I will look passed if I can.

sorry for the typo I meant to say future stories not figure stories

Could get to be marginally okay

This is either going to be a fair to marginally good series, I hope. I believe this is the worse story you've written. Please, please do better in part two. Thank you for your other writings.

Keep it coming

Great story so far. Can't wait for the next chapter.

Well Done

In my opinion, this is your best effort yet. I agree with the incest comments and I like the lack of the description of the girls as bimbos. Both are unsettling. Suck and fuck them, but don't demean them. Respect whom you fuck. I like the story line and am looking forward to see where you go with it.

Can you say when we might be getting a new chapter?

Want more

You have me interested. Please write more!

Please, spelling..

I think the tag line speaks for itself:

"...year old male get possession..."

(Gets possession would work)

anyway. Your writing isn't absolutely awful and your storyline is alright. But just keep in mind that there is nothing more attention breaking than an obviously misspelled word. Your "taunt nipple" comes to mind.

Wow...just wow.

The last comment by the racist, hillbilly redneck, you know, the deliverance boy knuckle-dragger. That was way over the line. The only thing missing was the banjo. I always find it amazing that these triple K wanna bees can spout this pathetic, zero IQ shit with a straight face, typically done under the cloak of anonymity. That and the armchair critics that have probably never written a single thing in their lives. Keep up the creative work, I and many others are liking what you're doing.

I could acturally imagen what adele looked like in the tank top and short S as they were coming off. Good work.