All Comments on 'Hayley's Party Ch. 00'

Just as an FYI, the rewrite of the missing Chapter 01 ("Haley's Party") is well underway and there's also a Chapter 05 "A Ride to Remember" on its way. Hope you enjoy this lead in.....

A deliciously erotic opening to a well developed and enticing storyline! Cheers to the auther for the creativity and eye for detail to bring the engaging characters to life that helps lure the reader to crave more.

Mmmm, I loved the part about rubbing Haley through her little cotton panties. Steve gets so excited that he cums. He probably felt her through the fabric... Her little groove softening and giving way slightly. I love the way she strips down to just her panties and then is quite adamant that they'll never come off. It's a pretty thought, Haley's small breasts and cotton underwear. I love it how Steve can't help forcing his cock up to her face and shooting over her lips and cheeks. And just how much she loved it. I also loved the beginning where she has to bury her face in the pillow as she fingers her pussy. I kind of hope she has a special first time!🌷

You really know how to write erotica. I sat here, dreaming I was Steve, or old Joe.

You have grown as a writer. This is a most delicious prologue, and we learn more and more about the people involved. Definitely a story to follow.

i enjoyed reading it. I can't wait to read the other chapters.

Okay, Chapter 1 has been resubmitted (in 3 parts - A, B and C) because the rewrite turned into a bit more than a rewrite. It went from 10,000 words to 45,000 words so I broke it up. Literotica should have it up in 2 or 3 days with a bit of luck. Sorry about the wait guys.....

The secret is about to unfold

Upstairs before the night's too old

Tonights the night

It's gonna be alright.....

Just make sure you have Rod Stewart's "Tonight's the Night" playing while you read. And Nightwish - "While Your Lips Are Still Red."

I have enjoyed reading your stuff but what has happened to chapter 1? It's been 5 days since you said there will be more. Your fans are waiting!

Sorry about that. Literotica rejected it again, which was a bit disappointing as I'd rewritten pretty much everything. The only thing left from Miaw was the basic plot but I guess that was too much for them too. Just submitted a completely redone Part A of Chapter One with even the storyline changed - submitted a few minutes ago. It's going to be in 3 parts, B and C might take me a bit longer but I'll post a comment when they're up. Anyhow, fingers crossed that this one gets thru.

your first Chapter with Hayley...

Over all excellent! I like the way you build up to firsts.

Looking forward to reading more of your work!

Geez Chloe, you spin a great tale. I spent 7 years in San Francisco earlier in my life and as I remember those days they resonate in the details of your story. In fact, I fell madly in love with a second generation woman whose parents immigrated from Guangdong who described herself as a banana (I'm sure you need no explanation about that). We even were engaged, but that's another story. Anyway, my point is that your story rings so true to the archetypal successful Asian experience. Ni jiang Putonghua ma? I think you probably don't, but no worries. Great start and I look forward to reading more of Hayley's adventures.

Putonghua? Not me. Well, I speak a little, can't read or write it to save my life. Speak a little bit more cantonese and enough vietnamese to get by in a restaurant. I'm actually only half-chinese even tho I look more chinese than not, so very much a banana ("yellow on the outside, white on the inside" for those that don't know that one - it's how chinese-chinese refer to us 2nd or 3rd generation American Chinese). 3rd generation.... by the time you get to my generation, what's left are the looks and the food!!! Dim Sum! Yummy! And the outstanding academic achievement of course :)

But hey, glad you enjoyed the story Zamm - and the authentic chinese dim sum experience :)

Ciao....... Chloe

Caio? Is Zai jian that hard to type (sorry I do not have the Chinese accents to add). : )

Yup, especially when you have no idea even in pinyin. You could write the mandarin I know on the back of your fingernail. I know more Italian! A little bit more cantonese which is what I use mostly in the story....

Ciao..... Chloe the non-mandarin speaking, reading and writing ABC girl....and even then it's only 50% chinese...

I have enjoyed reading chapter 0 and 1a

The end of your prologue has the party being conducted at Joe's but in Chapter 1A, it's conducted at Claire's.

Yes, there's a few inconsistencies due to the rewrite I did of Chapter One. Just have to kind of ignore them. There are a few here and there in the other chapters too alas.

You've accurately captured the heat and excitement of two teens exploring their first sexual experiences. As their hormones drive them on, only Hayley's panties are there to protect her virginity.

It's an old story, but yet so fresh, as the couple reaches toward their ultimate goal.

Australia's strict gun laws (implemented by the right-wing party) and single-payer healthcare would make it one of the last places you would want to go to, along with Britain, Canada, France, Germany, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Switzerland, New Zealand, Ireland, Singapore, Taiwan, Japan, my home country South Korea, and every other First World country (Switzerland's gun laws are so much stricter than America's that Obama would be considered a gun loving lunatic in that country you should never go to). Don't delete this comment by the way, or you're no better than those silly hippy "liberals" who get offended by right-wing garbage or those PRIVATE universities that are being "politically correct" (quite ironic that CA's PUBLIC state run stupid garbage universities stopped using affirmative action while the PRIVATE superior free market universities keep on using it). I personally don't get offended by American cockservatives and would rather discuss and engage with them (I'm fine with European conservatives who would be liberal in America and Korea).

I don't know where you live, but I assume it is not the USA. Those of us who live elsewhere are convinced that USA citizens don't understand irony and you have just given us one of the best examples of the art I have ever seen.

As you would well know, 85% of us Australians believe that our gun laws are not tough enough or are just right. And the average Australian is terrified of getting sick if they visit the USA because our health system ensures that illness doesn't bankrupt anybody.

And Anonymous No2, you ask whether Chloe thinks that politics and sex may not mix. I think you only have to look at a couple of your presidents, just as we look at a couple of our prime ministers, to see that they mix rather well.

L

PS. Chloe, a statement you repeated a couple of times was "there are some things about their daughters that dads don't need to know." When you move on from First Time stories to Loving Wives stories, will you commence a story with "there are some things about their wives that husbands don't need to know." ?

Please learn to differentiate between the views expressed by a character and those of the author. I am not Hayley and the views and beliefs expressed by Hayley are not necessarily mine. She's a fictional character. It's a fictional story. Live with it. That said, the US Constitution has the 2nd Amendment for a purpose. And it isn't for shooting criminals or anything like that. It's specifically written to ensure that US citizens can overthrow their government by the use of armed force if the need arises. We're the only country in the world to have that sort of protection for our citizens and our system of government legislated. This is an argument that could be debated forever - and Literotica is not a forum for political debates - so any further political comments will be deleted.

I love the way you tantalize me . Your story move slowly and carefully . at long last getting to the moment she lose her virginity (in part C).

There is one issue I must mention : "the US Constitution has the 2nd Amendment for a purpose. And it isn't for shooting criminals or anything like that. It's specifically written to ensure that US citizens can overthrow their government by the use of armed force if the need arises. " Right. We had the Civil War followed by a terrorist organization, the Ku Klux Klan , Jim Crow , and the murder of civil rights workers. The Civil War didn't really end till after the killing of Martin Luther King , Jr.

Thank you for taking the time to write this. You either have a lot of experience or a very vivid imagination I really felt I was eavesdropping on Hayley and Steve,just the sounds and smells were missing.

Are Chinese parents still that strict in these modern times?

Thx :) - a vivid imagination is probably more correct. LOL.

Chinese parents? Well, in real life only my Mom's chinese and she was brought up in America so I can't speak from purely personal experience here. Chinese parents in my experience run the whole range, altho most are fairly socially conservative and almost always put a huge emphasis on education - both at school and after school. That whole "Tiger Mom" thing has a strong basis in reality. So Hayley's parents really aren't that typical of chinese parents in many ways.

I'm kind of writing them in as ABC's - american born chinese, altho as you get thru to Chapter 7 you find her Dad is actually a Triad boss and her step-mom, Rachel, is not all that she seems.

I'm redoing the whole plot for Hayley to make it more action thriller / sex driven. Hayley was the first story I started writing on LIT and my plotting when I started was non-existent, something I'm trying to work in with Chinese Takeout in particular right now, but with the intention of adjusting Hayley's story as I go forward with it. Anyhow, glad you're enjoying Hayley as well.

Or, I guess it's WOMAN!

ChloeTzang's (great name) descriptions make you feel like you're right there.

Or inside Haley's head.

Or Haley's skin.

Feeling some of what she's feeling.

(And Haley feels a LOT. Of sex ... and life.)

5 stars.

Paul in Oklahoma

I always enjoy your writing. Hot, and we'll put together. This time however there are a few errors that should have been caught in editing.

Lobing it from the start. For me you are the Steve King of erotica. Slow moving with great charictor build and just enough sexual content to keep it HOT!

Lets hope this one has a proper end to it?