Losing Katy

Good story except for a rather large plot hole to me. I can't really believe a guy like that, whose used to getting his way (and the story shows it), would just give up on Katy the way he did and even more, that he'd offer to help her free of charge. Just doesn't fit the profile you made for him and to top it off, I can't believe Mark whose been incredibly smart about all of this wouldn't have thought of that.

I doubt if you're old enough to remember 'Get Smart'

So you probably won't get it when I say, "Missed it by that much." Hero got his balls back and managed to keep 'em almost to the end. Almost.

WITH THESE TWO AS A COUPLE

I firmly believe the pre-nup will be used. TK U MLJ LV NV

Imagine Donald Trump, (or really any famous rich as hell celeb)....

asking any normal woman to a fancy dinner and later, a trip to Europe. I actually think that it IS reasonable to believe that despite all common sense and good judgement, she might be tempted to agree. Now really, what if it was Angelina Jolie, or any famous female hottie celeb, asking a normal male just into her bed? (no fancy trips needed, LOL). Again, any normal male would jump at the chance, regardless of prior relationship status. Or at least those types of extreme temptations would be easy to understand and visualize. That is, until YOU are the one being betrayed by those actions.....

But the best part of this story, is the timeless message: "money can't buy love". How shocked and dismayed was this rich playboy when he found out, yes only too easy to rent her body for twice the price, but there was no amount of cash or prizes that would win her heart and true love. Just the same, I don't think I could fall totally in love with Ms. Jolie, either!

In a way, I actually think that makes Katy kind of special. Maybe another LW cheating fiancee', once realized that her soon to be marriage is toast, would immediately latch on to Daddy Warbucks. "OK, so the sex is terrible, but a wealthy guy like you can learn, right? So lets go to Hawaii, and practice some more, OK?" Yes, it would be easy for alot of the shallow females we usually get to read about, to accept the money and lifestyle rewards and fall into trophy-wife status. But Katy did not. Then you have the idea that by the time of the RAAC, HE had fucked around, and had so much meaningless sex, that his conquests in comparison, made her fucked up fling with the rich guy seem like just another trip to the mall. Now of course, she WAS worse, because it ALSO involved betrayal and abandonment. But at least he could look at her and know that she wasn't any more tainted sexually than he, himself.

I also liked the way that the author made it that every attempt by the rich guy to "fix" the problem by throwing money at it FAILED, and in fact drove the wedge in deeper. Add to this the message that she learns: "just be yourself" to restore his faith and trust in her. I think this was a pretty good story, and certainly diverting reading. It was realistic enough, while STILL being OTT fantasy stuff. That is hard to pull off, convincingly at least. So, Very Good job!

Thank you!

So it takes awhile but she does get away with it. Wait until next time.

Shit author - just another JPB version of "sucker" or wimpville.

It sucked, don't bother wasting your time.

I don't know if her excuse was acceptable...but...

I don't know if her excuse was acceptable...but what had he to lose? With the prenup and all...I also don't believe that the lover would go with all that work for him to forgive her...He could offer him a sum, as he did to Lara and nothing else...Why was a rich man from the high society worried about a cheating woman that he bedded so easily? But we can accept that as a movie or story plot...not in real life...3* for the effort...

Well Done

I believe, that to most women, sex is not such a big deal in certain circumstances, and then it's a huge deal in other circumstances. To men, it's never that big a deal emotionally, except in retrospect after the act with someone that they actually love, because generally, they've gotten off anyway. Women often don't get off despite what your read in most of the stories on this site. I also believe that women are somewhat wired to allow sex as a reward for someone giving them what they want, and men never see it that way. It can, in a woman's mind, be "no big deal", as they can chose to let it affect them emotionally, or not, again, depending on the circumstances.

Pretty good story.

I like how he didn't just cave in but did his own thing for awhile. A bit over the too that one engineer could make or break a company. Still, 4 stars.

With a strong pre nup he will not lose.

But he can loose the children to come! And have his heart broken again. But we all take chance in this life , so go for it.

Its OK. Not great, but OK.

I agree, that as long as there's a prenup, including his getting custody of any children, and very special conditions stated in his will, then maybe he should risk it. She's really not such a bad woman, she's worse. She's a stupid child. If she matures and corrects her fucked up thinking while married, then alls well that ends well. But someday when she's bored with diapers and PTA meetings and maybe getting out of shape, Sugar Daddy will suddenly show back up, in a very tempting way, and she will easily skip out again. With utter remorse and regret, once she again tires of Roger and the high life, maybe. But the prenup will at least protect hubby's wealth and children from this crazy bitch. Unless Roger uses his wealth to tie him up in court forever, until he givers her the kids back. As ugly as the people and the plot is, it was a well crafted and interesting story.

Thank You for your time and talent.

but really, she still doesn't get it, then he doesn't either

Katy says of Lara:
" If she could be bought, she was not right for you anyway."
What was her fling with the rich guy except Katy being bought?

If he was right in the head he would send a thank you card to Cooper for showing what a whore she was before the wedding and never have any more to do with her.

3*s

A good plot, that isn't very original needs the characters to have much depth. A background well developed . An emotional connection with each other that grabs the reader .
Unfortunately , you only had the first, a decent plot. Your characters were shallow. They didn't have much emotional development with each other . Then instead of expanding the development of Katy and Roger you just rushed the plot.
Why should we care about Katy, her experience with Roger . Her efforts to get Mark back. Her part of the story just wasn't important.
Steve2244 you really deserve 2*s but I gave you 3*s . I'm becoming a softy I guess, lol.


AMerryman

another thing

Katy says of the first date with Roger:
"But I had already given him my word, so I had to pull this through."
She gave her word to Mark and thought nothing of breaking it, why was her word to Roger so much more important than that?

I HATE RAAC

You detail after detail, paragraph after paragraph, you had him tell her explicitly why they are not a couple, and you threw it away with some superficial and simplistic paragraphs of the renewed relationship. Those few paragraphs changed NOTHING.

BTW Writing Dialogue 101

If a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative. When one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed.

When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark.

I hated the ending.

It will not be a marriage built on trust or even mutual caring. Katy slammed the door on that and by the end of the piece Mark's resolve and self respect turned into a tower of jello.

Katy is a character of no depth or thought and Mark doesn't seem to learn or be very analytical at all.

The writing is pretty good in light of English as second or third language and I will keep reading stories for a while longer. I am getting tired of the protagonists folding at the end and that there seem to be no consequences for the women in the two stories posted thus far.

Good story

We learn by out experiences and hopefully do not repeat the mistakes. Let's hope Katy learned from hers.

This upset me

So much in fact, that I had to give it a 5!

Piece of Crap

I normally do not comment on stories but I have to vent on this one. First: Roger was a piece of crap trying to get Katy away from Mark. Second: Katy was whoring herself out to the rich and famous no matter who it hurt especially Mark. As Mark said, Katy did not do this on the spur of the moment, she planned it out. Third: Mark is stupid for taking her back knowing what she can and will do. That includes getting a betting from Roger's goons. She knew what was going on the whole time. Mark should have gone back to work at the company that Roger bought, he should have left and maybe Roger would have had to take bankruptcy. Mark's parents should be made aware of this and the whole town should know. If they do get married, I hope Mark has Katy sign a prenup contract giving her nothing if Katy or Mark leaves or disresprects each other.

Silly in a lot of ways.

But I'm a sucker for happy endings. And there is the pre-nup.

NO MORE*

Your stories are not entertaining. Sorry.

Not a good story, but...

The story does reveal a charatistic of most women. They are, for the most part, whores at heart. Women will sell or rent themselves out to the highest bidder. They are really merchandise for sale.

Women don't think or behave this way

I guess this could be classified as a mildly amusing fantasy. Women don't think this way or act this way, however (I am referring to everything in the story after the Paris trip). I refer you to PapaToad's stories - he writes female characters the most credibly. Sometimes JPB's women are also written credibly (on rare occasions when she isn't a sex-obsessed slut). A realistic Katy would have moved on very quickly (assuming she didn't marry the perp to access his money).

I really think that Roger should have had an accident and the body gaurds found tied up and headless

Anonymous, you got it wrong about women

Women need 2 men in their lives, a stud with a hot body and a big dick which he knows how to use, and a schmuck with money, power and success! But even if you have both sides, that bitch is still gonna cheat! So, love her, but don't trust that bitch too much, and get all the pussy you can before she breaks your heart!

But most men cheat! So what's the big deal?? I take all the pussy I can get, if I believe I can get away with it!

most germans are not this much of an asshole

this is sooooooo bad. .... So vile..... That it actually makes the reader stupider reading it

The author has the soon to be ex husband lay out the case why they should NOT be a couple... Why the marriage cannot ever take place. The fact one day aferr more than 15 months of separation she decides to show up and apologize is NOT a reason to even have dinner with her much less get married to this cunt.

he said it clearly... This wasnt some sort of madness... She INTENTIONALLY shit on him MANY MANY times in many ways.

even if this idiot soon to be ex husband belives this story/ explanation... The very story or excuse is PROOF that at this point in time she is not ready for marriage either emotionally or mentally

I liked it, I liked it not

I thought it was a well written story, I enjoyed the read. However, I'm just not one of those that would ever let her back into my life. Not after what she did, so maliciously, so cruelly.
A good looking guy, with talent both professionally at work and on the stage. You can't tell me he couldn't find another women far better than Katy.
Like I said...I liked it and I liked it not!!

BDEarth

Hey wow...

We've got a writer who isn't afraid to have his characters reconcile.

I'll add, for sure it wasn't original, but so what? It was fun to read.
I'm glad you warned everyone up front English is your second language so I wasn't concerned with the oddities.

The only change I would have made would have been an extended 'live together first' before any marriage. I would have stipulated the 'live together' would be with her no longer working. I would have encouraged her to pursue something she wanted, say ceramics, or painting, or sewing, or designing, or anything that would allow her to explore her creative desires.

Of course this is a five.

You hit a dud here.

I liked your two previous stories but this one is a bit over the top/unbelievable. She intentionally and knowingly cheated and expected him to just accept it? No sane person would ever take such a cheating delusional woman back. Nor should they. She’s soiled and tainted. Nor would her actions bode well for a marriage. After all the trust is gone.

A nicely written story

Whether or not the situations described and the behaviour of the characters were completely realistic, I thought the story line flowed well and logically.

And for an author writing in his second language, your use of English was far better than an awful lot of contributors to this site (both authors and commentators).

L

Shit

Utter shit. Never write again.

welcome new writer

A pleasure to have a new imagination at work in this category. Work with an editor to smooth over some of the diction problems. The plots are great and the characters are are obviously well-developed and interesting. I look forward to some good reading.

no way in hell, one of the worst RAAC I have ever read

even the conversations were childish, I am surprised he didn't move out the day she met the guy, her actions showed how much she really cared for him

She probably didn't deserve her ultimate good fortune but ...

grace still exists. And a mistake, no matter how grave, can be forgiven and corrected. So this second chance arrived without too great a stretch of the imagination. I look forward to further tales from you. ****

Insecurity

"The days we spend together become more frequent constantly. Soon we spend time on three to five days per week together." The last word in each of these successive sentences is superfluous. Trying too hard to make your point. Good thing is to re-read your work faster than is comfortable. It can help find these items.

dogshit is to kind

for this pile of shit. i will never read another story by your fucking stupid ass. go fuck yourself you dicksucking piece of shit.

well, well, well

Your story seeems to have attracted some virulent crticisim. I enjoyed the story line. I think the story could use some polish, but as you stated, something might have been lost in the translation. The story at least brought out some emotional responses which a good story is suppoed to do. Thank you for the work it took to write and the courage to stick your neck out. Keep writting 2244, I will look forward to it.

Interesting Construction

I find the principle characters unbelievable and after the humiliation by his fianceé any reconciliation is completely unacceptable.. Good writing though.

Ok story

2244:
In general I like your thinking. Pretty much all LW plots have been done before, there's a hell of a lot of stories on the site. I think you need to spend more time developing your characters. You spent time saying what didn't like about the girl, but not much about what he did like. It would have been better if the seduction was less egregious. Plus, I can't buy the rich guy throwing so much money around. The plot devices would still work, and would lessen the suspension of belief,

Write on

Chilley

One word describes this story....

And it's not even a word.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

"I've had sex six times with him. Always with condoms. One time on that terrible evening before Paris. And five times in Paris."

Uh huh. Repeat this 100X every day of your marriage. Don't worry, you won't have to say it for very long.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Wow

Quite surprising amount of responses. Some quite elaborate, some rather simple :D

I especially respect and enjoy reading the comments of other authors. Some authors I really appreciate have written responses and I´m quite grateful for that.

As the rating system partially seems to be used to judge the protagonists - yes, they are both flawed. I think it would be boring to describe perfect people. She could be bought by Roger, but so could he. At least after a little resisting. Taking her back can be regarded as weak or strong. I personally tend to the latter.

I wrote 60 stories recently. Initially just for myself. Writing stories was completely new for me, fun and improved my English. But I don´t take the things my protagonists do too seriously. Sometimes I just needed to get some of the stuff out of my head.

It was interesting to publish some of them. But I don´t want to end as a second Matt Moreau ;)

Pretty stupid if you think

A rich guy who is a self serving asshole wants a woman an only gets to bed her a few times and doesnt win her is going to spend big money trying to get her hooked up with her true luve rather than kicking her to the crub dont you think, or do you live in an alternate universe?

I'm all for reconciliation if the situation calls for it but this does not. He should of accepted the bonous worked for a few weeks until it all cleared then quite. He also could of taken her back fucked her finally to set up a wedding but don't show up. Leave the cunt on the alter alone . That would be even humiliation. If it were me she never would of got past ignoring me at the benefit. Accepting dinner without me at his house mixed with her attitude about it would of had me moving out that night. She is and always will be a sneaky, lying , cheating, dirty pig , cunt who can't be trusted. You don't act like that and after 7 total days realize how fucked up you are. She knew from when she bumped into him and he showed interest. She deserves nothing from him

interesting first series of submissions

(and the term submission is used tongue-in-cheek)...

As for likelihood - someone with a lot of money as Roger does isn't going to let go of it for the motivations suggested. It sort of disproves itself - there are enough people around trying to scam the wealthy that if Roger were so vulnerable to guilt or other motivations, his money would have disappeared some time ago.

So I suppose I am agreeing with some of the previous annonymice, but hopefully with better spelling... (Alter is not Altar, for example...)

Your theme is a variant of the Mind Control theme - you want the female riddled with guilt (by the way, annonymice - open a new tab, type the word that doesn't look quite right into the address bar, hit return... maybe set Google as your default browser first... and read what your search engine gives you... and then read your submission over again and save all of us a bit of grief) and so willing to do anything for the protagonist with the hurt feelings. It is Mind Control... passive aggressive Mind Control, but Mind Control never the less.

I would suggest reading some Mind Control stuff... it is an old meme here, since power games and dominance in relationships is much more fundamental than who is hiding the pickle with whom. There are even some essays about the motivations for writing Mind Control stories, written by Mind Control story authors. Funny stuff - they know they are a bunch of wimps... unlike some here, apparently. And I'm not talking MM....

Green-something

(oh - keep writing. You show potential, but could use a little more refinement)

Interesting

Good comment.

I personally wouldn´t rate what´s happened as mind control. I see it more like the shifting of power between both of them, in both directions.

Roger´s motivation was meant to be out of love for her. But as this was written from Mark´s point of view, it wasn´t that detailed.

These kinds of break up then make up stories don't appeal much to me....

....since the break up usually involves something bad enough that I would term it "burned bridges". Then our hero begins to move on, but eventually buys into the "Oh, I'm so sorry, I was so stupid, It would never happen again!", lines of total crap.
Look, if she'll do it once, at sometime, no matter how repentant, circumstances will come to a perfect point and she'll do it again. Life is too short and people too predictable to subject oneself to a repeat of what had to be the worst experience of his life. The prenut only ensures she'll take more strident precaustions not to get caught. but if she's so enamored of celebrity, she'll fall to it again. it's in her damn DNA, man!
So, allowing for the "Germanisms" it was a pretty good first attempt (didn't you say it was?). You might want to get some editoriral help from someone that is a native English-speaker. editorial work is the biggest part of a story. Your respect for that effort will largely imporve your stories.
Best wishes for happy outcomes.

Good job!

Though a German speaker, I only detected a couple of oddities. Like every other country, their English speakers are waaaay better at it than us Americans are at other languages. I guess it's the laziness of late stage Empire. You used the word 'mad' where we would say 'crazy' or 'fucking nuts'. But there were no points where I had to stop to understand it.
As for the story, I liked it. He was a strong character (until he took her back!). I think in real life, a good looking successful guy like that would have the confidence to tell Katy to get fucked forever. A guy like him would have a choice of smart, beautiful, loyal women to pursue relationships with. Katy was shallow, breathtakingly disloyal, thoughtless - a starfucker of the highest order. Gut gemacht!

reconsiliation

it was a great story they weren't even married yet so it was good that they had a reconciliation

Reminds of the old joke about the whore and price

You still married a whore. Just quibbling about price. She whores out not for $5, but $5,000,000.

Great story, 5* in fact

Really got to the heart of the emotions of the characters.

Good job.