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English
Strange
A unique story so far. He kind of knows what he can do, he just can't comprehend it at the moment. Aside from a few spelling errors I thought it was good. There some potential here if the plots are thought out.
Hoping the next part sees him realizing what he's doing and expanding his influence on people.
Looking forward
I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Keep them coming!
so much potential
Really like the idea and how you treat your story so far (not knowing he has power is great and very exciting), please continue it very soon !
No sex
no sex, why publish an unfinished story?
Delicious
Silly, naive, provacative
Waiting for what 'comes' next.
Great story but some deatils make it feel fake
1. College classes don't start until 8 am.
2. There are no bells in college to signify class changes, there are far too many classes going on for this to make sense.
3. Teachers don't care if you do the homework.
4. You will almost never have a partner in class unless the class is structured to be taught to partners such as a lab. No lecture will give you a partner, college is individual.
5. The shortest time between college classes varies between schools but is generally at least 15 minutes, however sometimes you can have hours between classes. Here is an example of a typical class scehdule, http://www.nwmissouri.edu/masmc/images/Schedule.jp g
6. Most freshman live on campus. In fact, colleges give preferential spots in dorms for Freshman.
Point of view!!!
Switching from first to third person without rhyme or reason makes no sense in context. Please fix that next chapter
good start
I hope we get an update very soon that is more sex filled. With a power like that... I like your writing style so I hope I get to see more very soon.
Please write more!!!
I'm begging you, please write a lot more! I really really like where you are going with this story. I need to know what happens next, so exciting, so much potential. Do not listen to critics, your story is perfect as it is you just need to continue it !
Great
Beautiful.
Noice
Noice
Write MORE
I would like more of this series. It's a great beginning to a series.
Good start
Hope you continue this soon :)
Author here
Hey guys,
Wow, I wasn't expecting anybody to even see this, let alone like it. It's something I wrote really quickly on a plane trip back home, and something I didn't really edit. I had been wanting to post something like this for some time now, but never had the time to.
Anyways, I'm glad you liked it! I'll try harder on the next chapter, and will definitely aim to incorporate more sex. This chapter was supposed to introduce the whole idea and set up the area.
Also, this was originally supposed to be in high school (hence all the weird timings), but it didn't have a nice enough touch, plus I didn't want to only be able to deal with the senior class (because this site has an only 18 rule I believe), and so college was the only way to guarantee all of this.
Hope you guys enjoy, and I'll keep making more!
Great premise
Great premise. Good story for the most part. Only thing I would change is the dialog. Nobody actually talks like that, and it makes it kind of distracting. Keep up the good work though
POV
Fun story, good job holding off the sex until later. But the only real problem is POV; you switch between "he did," "he does," and "I did" multiple times, often in the middle of a paragraph. When telling a story, avoid present tense altogether. As for "he did" or "I did," you can take your pick. Just, please, pick one. Thanks for reading!
change of person
Change of person from third to first is a little jolting.
Loved it !
Universal acceptance is definitely amazing! Thank you for writing about it! You rock!
Proliferation
Wow. You have made QUITE a good thing right here. I found this from a good story on another site. AND IT HAS ONLY BEEN DAYS! Keep this up, and this might be to mind control what MAU or Spells R Us is to gender swap.
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