A Boy and His Genie Ch. 15 - END

Congratulations

Congratulations you are the first author, at least the ones I have read, to complete a genie story. Maybe the genie story curse will be lifted. I can see the problem Lumiosa created she is kind almost shy but very devoted and protective of her masters who unlike Alexis wants very much to be the servant genie. I think her problem now is that she is not going to be able to have another master since Matt is immortal as she is and unless he voluntarily give her up she is not going to be able to serve another master and give her meaning in her life. I think that is why she is spending so much time in her lamp she is possibly becoming depressed and I hope Matt sees that and makes changes to bring her along and get her involved it what he is doing so she can feel useful and loved by him again.

Far too abrupt

This story has been a pleasure to read however this ending is extremely abrupt and has the definite edge of being rushed. I'm not sure what I was expecting but this certainly wasn't it.

Good save

I say that because a lot of authors, including some whose names you'd find in Barnes and Noble, paint themselves into a corner and can't get out. You did a better job of it than many.

I agree that the ending was a bit rushed; but, in fact, I think that the whole scene set in Imperial Earth was a wrong turn. I realize why you put it in there (to indicate that the genies were still around in the future), but unless you're planning a sequel I think that could have been handled differently.

The problem with ending a story like this is, of course, that once you introduce an omnipotent character it's hard to create any tension in the plot. You pretty much have to start over from a different perspective (war between the gods); or you can take the dark road of internal conflict and unintended consequences. Either would extend the story enormously, creating what would essentially be a sequel.

Of course, your omnipotent characters are not omniscient.

Random fact: I've been trying to post this last chapter for like 2 weeks but it got rejected twice, and this third time took about a week to clear.

Knockoff

You've probably been aware of this, but someone else tried to plagiarize your work (http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=22050 6). All they did was change the names and reorder the title- a clear lack of imagination. They were called out pretty quickly, and only posted the first chapter. Well, imitation is the greatest form of flattery, I suppose.

References easy to spot

Story byline was the last words of the 4th Doctor.
One of the planet Matt and Sophie mentioned was Ribos, as in The Ribos Operation, the first episodes of the Keys of Infinity story arc.

Enjoyed the story (well the first 8 chapters), but you really need to plan your story out better. I hate to see a talented storyteller fall victim to lack of foresight.
If you end up doing another genie story, I strongly recommend the "Sex Genie" formula, BahG shows you've got the chops to write one as good as JoeBrolly or 800lbGorrilla.

I'm Sorry to See This Come to an End

As I am sure you remember I was not one of your biggest fans in the beginning. The opening chapters seemed, to me, to be very sophomoric and formulaic and I wasn't really all that interested to read any more about it. All the characters could think about was sex and orgies (of course this is Literotica!) and there was so much more that they could have wished for but didn't.

And then something changed. You added some intriguing plot-lines and depth to the story and I actually started to care about what happened. I didn't like everything, of course, but the improvements you were making was enough to help me overlook the shortcomings in your writing and to keep me interested.

Like some of the others who already commented here, I think this chapter was not needed. The story ended nicely enough at the end of the last chapter where all the loose ends were brought together and tied up in a neat little knot. The new characters and certain situations and behaviors they exhibited only suffice in introducing another story-arc or set of story-arcs, thus "The End" becomes truly a misnomer (unless, of course, you do not investigate any of these new plot-lines with future episodes).

Anyway, I appreciate the fact that you actually listened to some of your critics and used their suggestions to improve your story. We are an important part of Literotica and critique these stories because we care. Now have a happy and good luck in any and all future endeavors.

Roger.

Where else

Where else do you post your stories, if there is a site that does not censor your vision -which I like very much I would like to follow your work there.

Other Sites

sexstories.com and storiesonline.net

So sad ):

I'm so sad to see this end but it had to happen sooner or later. Also I didn't realize how restrictive Literotica's rules were and I'm sorry you had to have your work censored and altered. But I hope to read more from you in the future. Very good story, one of the best on this site in my opinion.

Best Story Ever

That literally was the best story ive read
I really want u to either continue the story or make more stories like it

One of the best stories ever

Man, you should publish a book on amazon!

some good, some bad

to the first poster: 2 things...

first there is a completed genie story. Read The Genie Chronicles - Gemini by BarbarianLover. It's actually pretty good.

Seond, Matt and Sophie gave both Lumiosa and Alexis their freedom. They are both individuals. That was done in Ch 14.

To Silverslyder... I don't understand how this is abrupt... he is been wrapping things up for 3 chapters. This was simply an epilogue.

And to the author: I guess the story would not be complete without one more rape scene. That scene being Bothro's rape of Moune.

I've been very critical because I like the genie concept, but this whole thing felt like it was written by a child, or someone who is very disconnected from people, both men and women. There were some interesting things in the story, but if you want an example of how to do a good genie story without resorting to rape and childishness, try reading the Genie Chronicles from JoeBrolly, 800lbGorilla, and BarbarianLover... BarbarianLover actually finished his story!

Thanks

This story as inspired me to write a story too but u would like to say a good story always makes u wish it never ended. You did a good job with that so keep up the good work

Interesting entry

Generally fun, but there were a few seriously grey areas. Wishing people to like what's being done to them is mind control. And I agree that simply killing the former slaves was the easy way out for two late teens who aren't very aware of real consequences. I want to like this and gave it high marks, but I also feel a bit ambivalent about it as a whole. Two omnipotent teens running around the galaxy?

I was generally entertained -- though you have a habit of creating plot threads that you usually have your characters come back to later (like forgetting to let her parents stop having sex after days? Yikes!), but some you just left by the wayside.

I see that you are posting more stories on those other two sites you listed rather than here. Any particular reason?

I know nothing of Sentai, but I picked up both Ribos and 12 moons of Jallifrax as Whovian references.

Leaving Alexis and Lumiosa behind, though, felt wrong. Leaving them alone for nearly three centuries? Alexis apparently coped quite well, but Lumiosa obviously felt abandoned. Being omnipotent, they could have returned shortly after leaving and taken along the genies who were supposed to be their friends and companions. Since you left the tale with the four together, one hopes they are now reunited.

Interesting name choices for the protagonists - Matt being short for Matthew, which translates to 'gift of god' and Sophie is from Greek, Sofia, which is 'wisdom.' Alexis is 'defender' - a derivation of Alexander, and Lumiosa is a variation of luminos, for 'light.'

And the paradox of creation. Anony - nice reference to Heinlein. With a paradox you can either have a pair of docs (quacks) or a pair of ducks (go quackers). Fantasy doesn't have to follow the rules of science. Thanks for sharing.

oh shoot

I started this at 3 at night and remained glued till 5. Very very well written.Kudos .
PS I'm 13.