Another Unfaithful Wife

You really need a native English speaker to edit your stories...

First, I greatly admire your intention of writing a story in English, but within a couple of sentences it was clear that you were not a native English speaker. Your sentences are stiff and you use words that a German speaker might use. It is clear that you have (as we say in English) 'transliterated' your sentences.

You are also correct that the plot of the story is rather unremarkable. I would be surprised to see very good scores for this story. Well written LW stories need more plot complexity and better characterizations. We need to connect with your characters.

Good luck, and find an English speaker who will really do a hard edit on your stories.

Good Start****

I like the way this is going. It can stand alone or you can keep it going. Either way thanks for sharing.

THIS IS A STAND ALONE TALE

especially when you have to use the same coin as payoff. TK U MLJ LV NV

Good story, theres nothing wrong with the words or whatever that moron said. Want to read more

I'm ready to write a sequel but it depends on a fair amount of demanding comments or mails.

I stopped there, not wasting my time reading something that is most likely going to be unfinished, going by what you wrote at the start, IT IS YOUR STORY, write it or don't but don't waste our time on a maybe it'll be finished if enough readers like it.

great story

Loved how it was all planned out before he confronted her. Love to see what happens now

Damn

Marriage is over. No reason to continue this tale.


no rating

Thank you. I appreciate all your comments.

Whether you like it or not I've already decided to write a sequel. Maybe I can surprise you a little.
By the way, revenge is a major part of our human nature.
Concerning editing I've to tell you that Eric is a native American.
If you're interested in character development please read my romance story with 48 chapters so far.

Pstchological

He is beating her down verbally. and making her realize her mistakes.
as she thought thinking of Brendan didn't cause her pussy to "twitch". He has taken the Air and Fun out of her Affair and has her worried about what is next.
I would like to read a follow-up see how she deals with Brendan and her husband who may or may not have a Lover.

It needed more...

I would have liked to have heard from the wife. It was all too one sided.

4*

A nice structure. But a little too cold and analytical. Maybe it will warm up in the next chapter

Very Good

A hard way to go, but a fair way. She destroyed the marriage but he seems to be going her the chance to maintain a family home for the children. He is not taking revenge, he is only taking care of himself. She should appreciate it that he is not laying a guilt trip on her. He is being honest and serving her with the consequences of her actions. This is a realistic scenario that I have witnessed second hand. The natural progression is for the spouses to turn into cohabiting parents and then gradually into divorced parents. The interesting thing is how the balance of power is constantly changing in a marriage. If both members of the marriage are decent, intelligent and loving then the relationship never turns competitive and destructive. When one of the partners decides to start abusing their power the relationship starts to die. In this case, it is all on Linda, a 20 year old kid does not have a clue as to how to effectively seduce a married woman, she would have had to seduce him with the intent to get over on her husband.

Well

So you are writing a sequel. What kind of surprise can we expect? Do they stay together, each screwing others? Does she stop, now that the twitch in her pussy is gone? Do they become swingers?
Damn. I guess I'm intrigued now. I'll be reading...

Interesting

I take it from your previous work that you write a lot of group sex, so I assume it is headed in some kind of swinging direction. Thanks for the offering.

Nice

No group stuff in this one please. Awaiting the sequel.

Requires continuation to get comment

Hope you keep writing

Mails without a sender address

I feel the need to explain again that I delete every mail without a sender address immediately.

Please keep that in mind if you want to contact me.

**

Too clinical and without anything to make us feel the emotions going on. We don't get to sample any of the wife's passion, the husband's disappointment or rage, or the wife's fear at learning she has been exposed. A cheating wife story needs to be built around those conflicting emotions.

NO NO NO- NOT GOOD AT ALL

Really stupid, actually. No backstory, no character development and a billion miles from any feeling of reality. Read the stories on this site by good authors and you can see how lame your effort is.

Decent story

but some weird sentence structure. Get that cleaned up and I'll give you a four instead of a three for the sequel.

Definitely continue

Your English word choice and order give an insight into the German man. Some of your translated expressions are very humorous. You may have read Winterfrog's stories; English is not his native language, and the result gives his stories a unique character

another LW story read by \dear annony who tells us all he hates these

stories!! hehehe He's such a asshole, Annony you cuck fag we all know you LOVE these stories!! Gave it a 5 for content and effort

Stilted language

Unrealistic. No plot. Cardboard characters.

Different

@Sugna you need to check your comment and put it on the story it refers to or else read this again and think about what you wrote. AS TO THE STORY the language and characters were big turnoffs so I cant give it more than a 3*.

MMMMMMM

What the fuck was that 1

what ? are you anti sex? religious freak or something??? why bother writing?

no pleasure here !

Two stars

for effort. However, his "solution" to the problem "we now have an open marriage" is not a particularly good one for something that was suppose to be well thought out.

Please.Continue

Different than the regular mess.here..Well done

Gar nicht übel...

...und ich hoffe dass Du mit dieser Stiory am Ball bleibst. Das Thema ist entwicklungsfähig und macht Lust und Neugier auf mehr. Nicht kirre machen lassen; geh Deinen Weg weiter. Danke für die unterhaltende Story. 4*

Language

It seems you are trying too hard and ended up too stiff with no real flow or emotion. Try to put yourself into his position and how would you speak? Keep trying.

Thanks for the effort. You should but be learning the English some better though.

If this was supposed to be a flash story, it was a poor one. It was a good effort, just poorly written. The concept that a woman can a good mother and a previously good wife, then mysteriously and suddenly turn into a slut does not make sense. Unless you include the scene where the Martians descend in a flying saucer and shoot the wife with their slut ray. Otherwise your plot begs the question, what made her stray now? A woman this beautiful is getting hit on constantly. So what was so special about this time? The other question to be answered is what is the husband's long term plan? Just keep the bitch as a house keeper, cook, and care provider? Why would he trust her now with his children, his property, his finances, and his health?

So, thanks for the effort, but try harder. In English.

Interesting

This reads more like a stroke story than an LW. They both need to have their personalities presented. The coldness is not very attractive, either.

How can you let someone stay close to you if you no longer trust her. I know it worked in the past except for the infidelity, but what will the future bring?

Well, I've read all the bitching...........

but to me this was a different take to the usual cum sucking stories posted in loving wives, so therefore please continue. I guess too many readers got used to the whoring ways of women and wimpy husband stories dominating this category, to consider this type of approach. Well done Mr. Bauer.4* Danke.

Nice keep it going

Very nice start - 3.5 stars, rounded up to 4.

Enjoyed the start with the cheating already discovered. There wasn't very much dialogue - he seemed to be reading a script. In fairness, he had had time to think about this and he caught her flat-footed. It might have worked better if he shared with her enough so she knew he knew virtually everything. Then he could send her away (Without telling her about his new sexual partner.) and tell her they'd reconvene to talk about the future. See what she comes up with. I hope the author continues the story - if he/she has a legitimate way to take it to the next step.

Story could have used better proofreading, and I noticed things like the following: "She was on the verge to pass out...." I would have written "...verge of passing out..." This kind of awkward phrasing appeared more than once.

Tags could be better - I find stories I want to reread by doing a tags search. "Older woman," "younger man" "college student."

Keep going

please.

You REALLY need a good editor

It's painfully obvious English isn't your first language. The story is choppy and difficult to read in places. The story itself is standard cheating slut stuff. Not particularly well told, but not horrible. You really don't need a second chapter. She cheated he found out. Done.

Excellent premise & story line.

An editor would make you and your ideas superb with the change of view on the subject material. I look forward to more of your work!
BRAVO!!

I do not think the Language is the problem but the fact that the husbands monologue went on & on & then some

The author intentionally started the story in medias res. However he used the husbands monologue to inform the reader about past events. All the husband should have said was, "You are a very good mother... but you haven't been a model wife lately... I know everything... We need to talk" On average women are better communicators then men. They catch every word, every nuance, why this or that word was chosen.
Ch. 1 could have started with her having sex with her young lover... how he makes her feel alive, young once again, happy and complete. Anothe nice opening scene would have been the moment when he first learns about the fling... how he feels, what goes thru his head.
Instead, the husband's monologue sounded like a deposition for child custody or (in the old day) for divorce proceedings.

Some people in their comments go too far in dissecting the language of authors. Sex, lust, passion, orgasm (& so on) are universal language.
What is important is that we feel the author, as a narrator or thru his characters, speaks from the heart, shares with us a wonderful, moving & overwhelming erotic phantasy.

This make for a good outline.

GOOD BLUEPRINT FOR A STORY As other said. M more dialog would improve this. Thanks for effort and for braving the harsh critics of LW.

5 * and let's see more

Five stars if it would let me score it

Good start

I'd appreciate to read a sequel. Although, for my taste, he seems a bit overconfident and unfeeling. Either he has never loved her that much or he hides his emotions completely. This seems quite cold and business-like.

good start

would like to see you finish it.. 4 stars for not having hubby talk about how she broke his heart in too and he just wants to die

Good first LW effort

Liked it for a start. Too short.

Loved a couple of things; not a cuck story which I hate. Also, even though too short for adequate character/story development, I liked the direction the story seemed to be taking. Didn't want to lose the kids and he was taking action to remove some of his defects. Instead of whining, he admitted he had not been perfect.

Thanks for posting

Ed

Interesting

Very interesting want to see where this goes. Is there really a Jane,does he intend to work this out or burn her and lover boy ?

I think dear annony should start to read bed rtime story by Disney!!

he cries and bitches like a 3 year old and it['s always the same LW!!! stories. yet he tell us he hates them!! Bullshit annony we know you are a cuck in the closet, it's OK sweetie let yourself out and declare your sissy-ness. In fact why not write the story of why your wife left your sorry ass for a real man with balls and a big cock and a man who knows what he likes and doesn't !! It's OK sweetie we all know you want a mouth full of cum from a cream pie and then suck the3 source. I gave it a 5

another chapter would be nice to find out what happens between them

Looking for White Milf

Very intelligent and interesting story so far and I would definitely look forward to a next chapter and urge you to write it . For an experienced reader of erotic stories I have found the key is to actually care about the various characters because you are drawn to them , and you have done this here. Let's face the fact that many couples have periods where the man or woman is busy making a career or they go through periods of time where they are bored with life . These types of affair have always occurred , when a partner no longer fulfills the needs of the other . I find Gary very mature and reasonable about how he approaches the marriage because it is more than just he and his wife , the kids do matter too.

Keep on writing please ?

Queen of the Whore has spoken

BonnieTaylor2 your whoreness has blessed up with her unlimited knowledge of the way a whore thinks. All hail the woman that whored her daughter on Sesame Street, she works for the Count.

At least

One more installment seems like a good idea.

Good start

Let's see what happens in the next chapter