Sex Genie Enslaved

Seek professional help

either in therapy or with an editor.. one or the other...

It's good

Don't be discouraged by your score. People are prone to voting down material that they find offensive, rather than judging a story on its merits. This is a good start.

One thing I'd suggest is not every girl be so slavishly devoted to him. Games of cat and mouse are fun.

I liked it

ok I guess

needs work but good start for writings like this ( you have probably done others) as a expert at fanfiction ask experienced people to help

Good, but needs improvement.

I'm an aspiring author and I've written 53,000 words on the first draft of my novel. I've also read around 200-300 stories on this site, so here's my $.02.

I like your story but I don't like Megan Fox. If you're going to write about celebrities, put this in that index where it belongs. That and that "model" whose name I didn't recognize. I assume she's real in some respect, though. My advice is to describe someone's appearance, like you do for yourself. Am I correct in assuming you as the author are also the main character here? Instead of using real people's name, try to be a little more vague with personal details and describe their attitude, their posture, their appearance. "A girl with curly blonde tresses hanging down past her shoulders, wide hips, and toned legs. He couldn't take his eyes off the full breasts that seemed to defy gravity, the nipples pert and as red as lipstick. Baby blue eyes gazed serenely at him from the floor where she knelt, ready to serve his every desire."

You get a complete picture of her without actually naming her. It also shows where she is in relation to him, and the "dumb blonde bimbo" stereotype is in full force. The readers are left to fill in the blanks. Obviously, the more vague you are with you description the sharper our picture is of her, because she can appeal directly to the reader. "The genie wore the mask of a young woman, perhaps mid-twenties at the most. She cocked her head thoughtfully while staring at him, the silk from her outfit rippling around her petite frame.