Somehow Alyssa Milano becomes the naughty daughter picture in my head when reading stories like this. I didn't watch the TV show she played a daughter in for a while. The next time I saw the show, she was sooo much more than the girl I had seen before. My own daughter couldn't draw the reaction from me, but some of her little friends made their visits difficult more than once. My daughter looked too much like my side of the family. Genetic Revulsion won every time. Anyway, the person style seems a little mixed to me, but I'm no expert. Good start (I want more) on this story. Thank god you are not Hemingway. I got into this story.
RS
While I don't totally agree with the comment about mom being right, I do feel that things were a bit rushed. He probably should have come a few days sooner and would most likely have had to work pretty hard to make up for moving out even if it was a result of his infidelity. Also I would recommend using an editor just for an assist to clean up grammar and stuff. You have great creativity and I encourage you to keep at it. Thanks for sharing your work with us!
English
Niceeee
Somehow Alyssa Milano becomes the naughty daughter picture in my head when reading stories like this. I didn't watch the TV show she played a daughter in for a while. The next time I saw the show, she was sooo much more than the girl I had seen before. My own daughter couldn't draw the reaction from me, but some of her little friends made their visits difficult more than once. My daughter looked too much like my side of the family. Genetic Revulsion won every time. Anyway, the person style seems a little mixed to me, but I'm no expert. Good start (I want more) on this story. Thank god you are not Hemingway. I got into this story.
RS
Damn hot!!!
This story built slowly to a fantastic ending, Loved it!!!
mom was right
he is a predator. Last time his daughter saw him she was 14, he drops in the day she turns 18 and proves he is a user.
Good but a little rushed
While I don't totally agree with the comment about mom being right, I do feel that things were a bit rushed. He probably should have come a few days sooner and would most likely have had to work pretty hard to make up for moving out even if it was a result of his infidelity. Also I would recommend using an editor just for an assist to clean up grammar and stuff. You have great creativity and I encourage you to keep at it. Thanks for sharing your work with us!
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