I should have been more specific. The year Jake is in while telling the story would be 2028. Making this chapter take place in 2010. Thank you for pointing that out, I will edit it.
by
Anonymous07/02/15
No ending
It seems you ran out of time or got lazy, with all the general info in the beginning you could have made the chapter at least finish at the end of the night.
3* for the nice buildup, but why stop just as things were getting interesting?
by
Anonymous07/02/15
why oh why! do people end story at this point
Good start premise and was going along nicely but then this half ruined it for me
Nine inches long and thick as a soda can #ReallyReallyReally
(I've had complaints from every girl I've been with. Some of them said it hurt as soon as I entered them, some said it hurt afterward, like I had just split them in two. And my least favorite were the girls that wouldn't even try).#Really
think people who claim,To have a Nine inches long and thick as a soda can Cock, in a story should have an accompanying picture of the soda can 9 incher!
Understand a touch of exaggeration in story is good needed and necessary and not a bad thing but A little reality/believability in story would be nice
To the anons and all the other guys and gals that think saying a bra size of 32G is too big. Look up Stacey Poole's measurements. Thats what 34GG looks like naturally. So quit with the stupidity already.
G, I cups? I stopped reading, between that and the editing it turned my stomach.
Didnt even finish, and from the other comments I wasn't the only one.. I would have if you hadn't been so obviously exaggerating, be realistic. I meant to give you one star but lucky you, you got two because I missed.
by
Anonymous07/05/15
Really?
A dick that's "Nine inches long and thick as a soda can"? So much for the story being even remotely close to believable.
by
Anonymous07/05/15
Backtrack as
fast as you can. Start #3 with "Okay I guess I was exaggerating a little. Okay a LOT." Then give her AND you human dimensions.
This is a good story in my opinion, and I like the exaggerated tits. I enjoy reading stories involving big tits, chubby chicks etc. BUT.... "Nine inches and thick as a coke can?" Shave it down man!!! Nobody needs a dick that big! I'm willing to push through it though so keep it up because this is a good start!
by
Anonymous08/04/15
Seriously be realistic
That was a little too much! You can be good with a smaller penis!
by
Anonymous05/06/16
I've got a lot I could say but here's the summary.
You know. There are actually some very simple guidelines to writing erotica.
One of the best tips you will and in fact already have received, is "don't exaggerate body proportions." There are others but that's the one you should be concerned about.
There are also some great, simple, guides for writing in general. Before you try again~and I do encourage you to try again. Be sure to read some of those guides first. I'm no literary magician but please do take this advice to heart.
English
18 years ago ?
picture messages on a phone 18 years ago ?
from brother to dick
bogus
They did not have camera phones or picture messaging 18 years ago
Point Taken
I should have been more specific. The year Jake is in while telling the story would be 2028. Making this chapter take place in 2010. Thank you for pointing that out, I will edit it.
No ending
It seems you ran out of time or got lazy, with all the general info in the beginning you could have made the chapter at least finish at the end of the night.
I opted to write a smaller shorter story rather than one long one. Don't worry, part 2 will finish out the evening
Big Tits
The 32G's stopped me reading.
ok start that totally fizzled out
despite all the inaccuracies I thought the story was going somewhere.
But NOT to be.
3*
3* for the nice buildup, but why stop just as things were getting interesting?
why oh why! do people end story at this point
Good start premise and was going along nicely but then this half ruined it for me
Nine inches long and thick as a soda can #ReallyReallyReally
(I've had complaints from every girl I've been with. Some of them said it hurt as soon as I entered them, some said it hurt afterward, like I had just split them in two. And my least favorite were the girls that wouldn't even try).#Really
think people who claim,To have a Nine inches long and thick as a soda can Cock, in a story should have an accompanying picture of the soda can 9 incher!
Understand a touch of exaggeration in story is good needed and necessary and not a bad thing but A little reality/believability in story would be nice
Big Tits
To the anons and all the other guys and gals that think saying a bra size of 32G is too big. Look up Stacey Poole's measurements. Thats what 34GG looks like naturally. So quit with the stupidity already.
G, I cups? I stopped reading, between that and the editing it turned my stomach.
Didnt even finish, and from the other comments I wasn't the only one.. I would have if you hadn't been so obviously exaggerating, be realistic. I meant to give you one star but lucky you, you got two because I missed.
Really?
A dick that's "Nine inches long and thick as a soda can"? So much for the story being even remotely close to believable.
Backtrack as
fast as you can. Start #3 with "Okay I guess I was exaggerating a little. Okay a LOT." Then give her AND you human dimensions.
The Cock!!!
This is a good story in my opinion, and I like the exaggerated tits. I enjoy reading stories involving big tits, chubby chicks etc. BUT.... "Nine inches and thick as a coke can?" Shave it down man!!! Nobody needs a dick that big! I'm willing to push through it though so keep it up because this is a good start!
Seriously be realistic
That was a little too much! You can be good with a smaller penis!
I've got a lot I could say but here's the summary.
You know. There are actually some very simple guidelines to writing erotica.
One of the best tips you will and in fact already have received, is "don't exaggerate body proportions." There are others but that's the one you should be concerned about.
There are also some great, simple, guides for writing in general. Before you try again~and I do encourage you to try again. Be sure to read some of those guides first. I'm no literary magician but please do take this advice to heart.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to The Power of Naked Pictures Ch. 01 Pt. 01 or
More submissions by RogerogerThat.