While I was growing up I had dreams of what it might be like to fuck Marcia and Jan Brady (Cindy was a bit too young for my tastes) as well as Laurie Partridge. Not that this story really had anything to do with that, of course, but it still brought back pleasant memories of a past life that wasn't always necessarily so pleasant.
I had a friend who had been adopted when she was just a baby. I had another friend who grew up in a broken home much like the family in this story. Each of these friends had an identity crisis at one time or another concerning his/her relationship with the members of his/her present family, and each had a secret crush on another member of his/her family that went unrequited. My female friend who was adopted was in lust with her younger brother (by eight months--he was adopted, too) and tried to spy on him whenever the opportunity arose. She finally got caught and suffered dearly for it. My male friend from the broken home admitted to his older step-sister that he was in love with her. She actually handled the situation very well, turning him down gently, without bringing the rest of the family into it. But I always wondered if it was considered incest if the members of the family involved were not actually related by blood.
There could be arguments pro and con about Mike and Emma in this story. Personally, I think Mike did the right thing by indulging Emma's crush on him. As long as it remains their little secret there is no harm done and Emma and Mike now have a deep bond that can only make the family grow closer together. Somehow, though, I think there will be more to this story and we can only wait to see how that will affect the future of this family. Good job.
Roger.
by
Anonymous07/17/15
Not again
I can overlook the errors and typos, but the minute I see cup sizes, or dick sizes in inches (which, by the way should be "seven inches" and not 7") I immediately lose interest. No man in the real world looks at a naked woman and thinks, "What nice B cup breasts she has." A grown man sounds foolish talking about his dick in inches.
by
07/17/15
ITS A REPORT
I didn't score it.
You wrote a report not a story. And your punctuation sux.
Otherwise it has potential and promise.
by
Anonymous08/13/15
Feedback requested
Your writing is fine, the dialog did not seem clunky to me. If there were punctuation errors, I didn't notice them, ie they were not glaring enough that it took me out of the story.
I've not read the other chapters, but it seems like there is a lot of potential for conflict between Mike and Emma if she decides to use this as leverage against him. That's the feeling the story left me with, perhaps because I'm of an age I could be Mike and that's my worry for him as I read this.
English
Good start. . .
Now on to Chapter two, please.
"Not Quite the Brady Bunch" Indeed!
While I was growing up I had dreams of what it might be like to fuck Marcia and Jan Brady (Cindy was a bit too young for my tastes) as well as Laurie Partridge. Not that this story really had anything to do with that, of course, but it still brought back pleasant memories of a past life that wasn't always necessarily so pleasant.
I had a friend who had been adopted when she was just a baby. I had another friend who grew up in a broken home much like the family in this story. Each of these friends had an identity crisis at one time or another concerning his/her relationship with the members of his/her present family, and each had a secret crush on another member of his/her family that went unrequited. My female friend who was adopted was in lust with her younger brother (by eight months--he was adopted, too) and tried to spy on him whenever the opportunity arose. She finally got caught and suffered dearly for it. My male friend from the broken home admitted to his older step-sister that he was in love with her. She actually handled the situation very well, turning him down gently, without bringing the rest of the family into it. But I always wondered if it was considered incest if the members of the family involved were not actually related by blood.
There could be arguments pro and con about Mike and Emma in this story. Personally, I think Mike did the right thing by indulging Emma's crush on him. As long as it remains their little secret there is no harm done and Emma and Mike now have a deep bond that can only make the family grow closer together. Somehow, though, I think there will be more to this story and we can only wait to see how that will affect the future of this family. Good job.
Roger.
Not again
I can overlook the errors and typos, but the minute I see cup sizes, or dick sizes in inches (which, by the way should be "seven inches" and not 7") I immediately lose interest. No man in the real world looks at a naked woman and thinks, "What nice B cup breasts she has." A grown man sounds foolish talking about his dick in inches.
ITS A REPORT
I didn't score it.
You wrote a report not a story. And your punctuation sux.
Otherwise it has potential and promise.
Feedback requested
Your writing is fine, the dialog did not seem clunky to me. If there were punctuation errors, I didn't notice them, ie they were not glaring enough that it took me out of the story.
I've not read the other chapters, but it seems like there is a lot of potential for conflict between Mike and Emma if she decides to use this as leverage against him. That's the feeling the story left me with, perhaps because I'm of an age I could be Mike and that's my worry for him as I read this.
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