Runner Girl Ch. 09

Love the slow build up with real life angst and passion. Great read, hope to see many more chapters.

Whew

For a while there I thought you were out of sequence but it got sorted ok. Chapter a little short however.

Excellent. Rich and vivid descriptions, real characters, history that's painful and believable, and a slow and sensual recovery that also rings true.

Fabulous!

I thought I had missed a chapter when I got started. I even went back and checked. You brought it all together. Fabulous story. Looking forward to chapter 10.

more great writing

DB, you continue to develop your characters and cleverly reveal that some of them lack character.

I also agree with the Therapist about Amy telling her parents about the rape and the consequences. Her parents are her support team and emotional anchor. Or at least should be?

Do I sound too sappy and naive here?

First comment; loving the story, five stars.

Love this!!

I love ur stories! Please keep writing!

Really enjoying all of your stories!

I've sat down and read them all in the correct order, one after another, and now I'm waiting with bated breath for the next instalment - please don't keep me waiting too long! :)
Ian

Had to go back to ch 8

Started this chapter, and had to go back and re-read ch8, thought I missed something big! Love how you can write about something so big, yet barely write about it at all.
Can't wait for this and Flower Girl to go ebook so I have them to read anytime (already have Subway)
Please keep up the fantastic writing.

Too Crowded?

Donna, I *LOVED* Subway Girl, and really liked Flower Girl, but I'm just having trouble getting into Runner Girl. I think that part of the reason is the number of characters. One is mentioned, and I have difficulty remembering just who the heck they are.

Sometimes I think that each chapter of a LitE story should be written with the assumption that the reader hasn't read the previous chapters in the story. Of course, that could be taken too far, but I think that a couple-of-word reminder of who a character is when they re-enter (or are just mentioned in) a story after a few-chapter absence would not go amiss. I remember this being a little bit of a problem for me in Subway Girl as well, with the male protagonist's co-workers and Soccer teammates.

Then again, maybe it's just me.

-Rei

I love how the structure of this chapter starts by putting us totally off balance, then slowly helps us get our feet under ourselves. It works so perfectly because it shows us that the truly important thing for our characters is how the event affects them afterward, not the details of what happens at the club. And then when we feel like we've gotten enough information to understand both the impact on the characters and the sequence of events, you turn around and not only satisfy our curiosity by showing the whole scene, but you go the extra mile by putting it in Keith's perspective and giving us something we could never have expected. This is where you elevate yourself from excellent storytelling into the best and most entertaining kind of art.

You're amazing!

Very Nicely Done

The inversion ended being a much better way of getting the story accross.
She has carefully avoided saying anything about her folks up to this point.

Telling her parents

is up to her

Keith's POV speech???

From whence? Beyond left field.
And to whom? His lawyer?

Better clarity, please?

I still love you, but you're not flawless...:+)))