All Comments on 'Universal Acceptance Ch. 02'

This story is quite enjoyable! Keep it up.

Very good story! Please keep writing!

the last paragraph changed tense for some reason

Keep up the good work

A bit of proof reading would have made this even more enjoyable. but still very good story... I just had to self correct which took me out of reading for a bit.

I'm happy that you wrote a new chapter relatively quickly, it is great. I have to admit that personally I would have like it better if Dave didn't find out about the power so soon but stills gets sex by circumstances/accidents. It feels a bit rushed but nervermind it is still great. Please continue !

i'll admit to enjoying mind control and si-fi porn. But there's this drastic change in style going on in your story, where first the guy is a nebish ultra concerned with propriety, going too quickly to 'hah. eat shit out of my ass just 'cause i can make you do it.' Try some inbetween, and internal conflict over how he should act.

Keep going and expanded.

Hey all,

I probably should spend some time proof-reading haha, but I get these random ideas that I try to implement as fast as possible, and once I'm finished, I kind of look at it and become too lazy.

Anyways, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place in whether or not if I should introduce the sex quickly or not, as a lot of the other comments were complaining about there being no sex. However, I was more inclined to introduce the sex faster because I do have a lot of ideas revolving around this whole "Universal Acceptance" idea.

Also, I am trying to update the chapters fast (maybe once a week), because I hate stories that end because the author didn't care enough to keep writing. I'll try to keep the updates rolling just for you guys :)

Thank you all for reading and commenting - it's really awesome that some people enjoyed this! I hope you like all the other ones I will write (almost done with another chapter). Also, if you have any ideas where Dave should go next on his adventures, it would be awesome if you could comment - although I'm not out of ideas, if I go at this rate, I might actually run out! Thanks again!

Regards,

PenTrinity

It seems like you were in a rush to get to the sex, so the characters completely change in this chapter.

Definitely read over before posting or get someone to do it for you. Try not to rush through the story. Maybe longer chapters to include both the plot of the story and included sex scenes.

This could turn into a really great series.

Author,

I do like where you are going. I like the pacing just find as to the characters. Since the Main character now knows his power, your universe is limitless, I mean he could go to a sorority house and control it... go to a modeling firm... hunt down old crushes... and on and on it goes, he could travel the world.

Again, great stuff! Just be careful of your pronouns and basic grammar, takes me out of the story when something like that happens. The small stuff is nothing to me though.

Can't wait for more.

I'm begging you post it!

I love the direction this is going! The confusion and small moments of resistance before the mind control takes effect are great! Just as a small note, there are some times when you switched narrative styles. Try and keep it cemented in first, second, or third person. Otherwise, great work! Keep it up, I look forward to more!

I am just echoing what many here have said... Chapter 3 soon :) I cant wait.

We are still waiting for chapter 3: come on man, you can do it!

Great premise. Hoping for chapter 3

Joining the chorus waiting for chapter 3! This was really good.

A lot of people are waiting for chapter 3 and you said yourself you were going to publish it very soon well over a month now... nobody will be mad if you quit, but not saying anything is disrecpectful for your audience.

Please do continue this series - enjoying it even if the changes in POV / tense are a bit confusing - could possibly be worth getting someone else to give it a proof read - i know how easy it is not to see your own mistakes...

please continue this is a great story. maybe a harem? more sex, public sex to maybe

WHERE IS CHAPTER 3?????????????

I think the author has gone on to write MLP pony fictions.

Very clearly inspired (maybe even slightly copied, but I won't accuse you of such) by The Choice and ChaosMuramasa. I don'5 know where you've went, but other than the tense switching and continuity errors, I look forward to more.

Tense and grammar errors aside, this was good. The guy doesn't really get it at first, but once he runs a rudimentary test and realizes how it works, he goes straight for what he wants. The build-up was well done.