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English
good story but..
It's a really good story, like al the stories you write, but aren't you suppose to write a second chapter to "When" ?
Your readers are waiting here, shame on you :)
To Vazkor
It's written and it's very good. Try SOL
@anon
Humm.. thank you, but I went to SOL and there is no Second part, in fact the ending is exactly the same : "Ok, not the usual love story but let me know what you think, and before you ask I don't as yet have a second part."
Sol?
Could u give a link to sequal
Fast Runner
Denny started his run at 7:45, ran 10+ miles, returns to his home spending 30 minutes there before exiting at 8:45. Nobody runs a 3 minute mile and certainly can't string 10 together.
SOL
Yes, SOL has Ch 3 posted.
So far ok
So far so good. The characters are a bit unbelievable especially the heroine, but then again this is a strory isn't it.
Digging this
I have never read a story quite like this one. You have me hooked.
3*s
As usual, from your LW stories, character development is great. The dialogue is believable and follows the train of thought.
A few technical, english, problems that do not detract from the story.
Gave you 3*s. A very good beginning.
One question, are you going to abruptly change the personality of a character ? That happens often in your LW category stories. Inquiring minds want to know,lol.
AMerryman
It's okay
Nothing too far out in left field. Just an obnoxious cop determined to prove she's right. You'd think that her Boss might sit her down and explain her obsession with Denny was wasting taxpayers money and she could be fired for her actions. Not particularly clever but we'll see where it goes.
Fun
Nice beginning. Heck, you even got 3stars from a hypercritical anon who apparently is a member of the grammar police. On to the next chapter!
SOL
The link is storiesonline.net, and on sol the story link contains links to each of the parts.
The interesting thing is that SOL says that the story is "In Progress", but there has been no update since 7/9/2015.
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