All Comments on 'Strange Car in the Driveway: Sequel'

by GeorgeAnderson

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  • 253 Comments
CreeperclawCreeperclawover 8 years ago
Well...

I definitely loved it better than the original, mostly cuz the first on infuriated me beyond words. I do have a bit of a problem with the bit where after running in the house neither Vera or her bastard wondered where Greg's body was and just immediately decided to fuck right there. For them to just be so callous about it especially when someones life might have ended must mean that they have the morals of demons. Also how easily they fell into bed together suggests that this wasn't the first time they had adulterous sex. I welcome any actual ending to Edrider's stories... mostly cause his endings are either abrupt or sickeningly enraging. I hate to sound like a BTB-er but I don't really feel that the bastard and manipulator suffered at all, hell he's literally making a career out of breaking up marriages. HOW HAS NOONE TRIED TO KILL HIM IN ANGER YET?!!

3/5

sugnasugnaover 8 years ago
Fair Enough

She got what she asked for. In the end she was still lying to herself, " "I didn't think then that a single act, however selfish and cruel, could devastate another person that much. I should have known better: it can, and it cost me everything I loved. Please learn from my bitter experience." - Her husband had told her that cheating was a deal breaker, she tortured him with it, and then actually cheated. Then went on to continue the relationship without remorse. Her actions were unloving and un-remorseful. Sadly, with the exception of her walking away from the kids, this is a realistic trajectory of some marriages. Most women would want their kids and fight for them, if only for their motherly ego's.

"Gary never got over Vera. He dated a few times after the divorce, but that only served to convince him that Vera - or Vera as she used to be - was indeed the only woman he ever wanted." - This martyr stuff is silly, the actions of his ex-wife should have dispelled that fantasy - he was still lying to himself as well. Relationships and marriage take a lot of work, he just didn't want to put the time in. Playing the pitiful injured husband husband and father is pathetic and does not set a good example for your kids. He was actually hurting his kids by not moving on. You have to lead by example when you are a parent. Their unloving mother left them behind, and destroyed her own life. Their father hid from the adult world and clung to his daughters - holding them back emotionally from moving on. Selfish and pathetic.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Made No Sense

So she thinks her husband just suicided in the bedroom, but there is no body, so they decide to screw each others brains out, but she really loves her husband. Give me a break! One Star

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Only one suggestion ....

.... when Vera signed her name at the end of the story "Your mother" it should have also included "a cheating, despicable, WHORE & CUNT"!

tazz317tazz317over 8 years ago
THE MOTHER LIONESS

always tries to protect her cubs. TK U MLJ LV NV

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Sad ex husband story

First it all I gave 5*****.

Second I think THE MOST MISTAKE OF THE LOVING WIVES DID NOT DIVIDE INTO TWO HUBS IS THE FEW POSITIVE END CHEATING WIFE STORIES.

This story is the part of the sad ex husband stories which I think mistake. A Marriage Strife hub could attract authors to write long romantic end to the cheating wife stories.

I wrote a lot........

Duna

gara5289gara5289over 8 years ago

It was good up until the sex. If Vera actually was so in love with him there is no way she'd have sex in the same room her husband just killed himself in 10 minutes before. And even if she wasn't, neither her or Reg are stupid enough to not notice the lack of blood and brains all over the wall. That part to me just interrupted the flow of a good sequel to an interesting story.

impo_61impo_61over 8 years ago
What i didn't like....

What i didn't like in this story is very simple: Reg kept fucking married women and destroying their marriages, and not one of the husband destroyed him!!! I could belive that only one or two like the weak man of the story, but 5 husbands and not one destroyed him? I can understand this one...He had children to raise, but all 5 were just like him? That's what make this story a bad ending...2*

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
where is this city

wives are whores and hubby are wimps.somebody should've broke reg neck.

SyrustheVirusSyrustheVirusover 8 years ago

Why pine over a slut? It made me lower your score.....many people move on from sluts.

Also, if you want an idea for a good story how bout the 4th husband kills Reg and tortures the teacher

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
This story is a good example of letting the desired end justify the contrived means.

The problem is character consistency, and logical behavior. People who were drugged up whores and cockhounds in their early years don't morph into stable virtuous contemplative icons of marriage and parenthood, without experiencing incredible guilt, remorse, and spiritual life changing events. You can't just turn off the "stupid behavior" switch, and turn on the good one. So the premise in the first story is lame. So both characters grew up hurting themselves, and others, and made incredible efforts to embrace new values, self-respect, and moral/ethical behavior.

But then the wife takes a writing class and not only forgets what she learned in her youth, but also takes for granted what she now has in terms of spouse, children, and life style? And she wants to create a scenario that will cause her husband such intense pain and mental anguish? And then, thinking the husband has killed himself, decides to fuck this classmate, who apparently is a predator and seduced her, and knowing this she then continues to fuck him?

Its all too contrived and illogical. Which makes the story curious, that an author actually thinks such chain of events is believable. Its not, expect for the very simple minded and low threshold readers.

So thanks for the effort, but I found the story too contrived and illogical to be entertaining.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
for a one pager...

You manage a few nice lines. Let's see:

"Yes I believe you love me, but not enough" and etc.

Ed ALWAYS explores the use of diabolicle mind games in his stories. Here, you allow Gary to call her out for them in a way Ed never seems to manage. Just the very IDEA of wanting to play these kind of mind games is enough to end the marriage. That she actually fucked Reg, and most likely had been all along...well, it would have been enough too. But COMBINED with the mind games? It really seems to take the betrayal to the next level. Most times ANY betrayal is unforgivable, but these rather heinous examples? Sure Gary is fucked up over it, but I get a sense that his pain is more from lonliness and a reluctance to trust again. It isn't because he has any regrets over getting the fuck away from Vera!

I agree that the worst part of this follow-up is the unlikely nature of Vera and Reg rushing in from Denny's, seeing NO DEAD BODY, and then just falling into bed. It was as if they KNEW he was watching, and WANTED to give him the full show. It doesn't make sense in any way. We leave the original thinking that YES, she probably had been fucking Reg, and the elaborite taped play set-up is nothing more than mind-fucked alibi. I think that you could have explained (without adding too much length) what the ACTUAL nature of the adultery was. And in the confrontation explain why the hell she races back in concern only to ignore any of those feelings and fall into bed within two minutes of getting to the house? The best I can figure is they REALIZED the gunshot sound was a dupe, and then CHECKED the house thinking he nust have left. Even if they overlook the closet in their haste, how were they able to ignore his CAR still being there, unable to be garaged because of the rent a wreck in the driveway? They KNEW he didn't leave, he obviously wasn't dead, so what the hell did they THINK happened to him? I'm not the only person to point out that this is the huge plot hole that destroys this flash story attempt. Without addressing this in any meaningful way, it makes it too hard to swallow any of the rest of it.

Sure you gave us a one line excuse:

"But Gary, I was frantic, I was worried, I wasn't thinking straight, he took advantage of me. How can you hold this against me?"

And Yes, Gary dismatles that for ALL of the BS that it is, but it never offers a window into what was really going on in her head. Even if it is true that none of that matches up with what was ACTUALLY said in the moment while Gary was still in the closet:

"Oh yes, that's just right" and "are you naked yet?" Sure sounds Fantic and Worried to me! It seems that the only seduction old Reg needed to do was to open her shirt and suck on a titty.....

But even so, WHY? when they knew he was still in the house?

Alright, you get the point. Thanks for trying to follow up with a better ending to an Ed story, they usually NEED some of that, LOL. Unfortunately, this could have been a little better thought out, and just wasn't as effective as you were hoping. Sorry.

But don't give up. I'd like to read more from you. Good Luck on the next........

sbrooks103sbrooks103over 8 years ago
Thougts

Doesn’t she wonder why his body isn’t there?

I find it hard to believe that she had NO visitation with her daughters! Even him getting full custody is a rarity, even if she had had multiple affairs, which she hadn’t.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Missing revenge on Reg and a huge plot hole

I gave it 4 stars. You improved the story and Gary's revenge on his wife for her cruelty was perfect. She intended to cause him discomfort and worry about her cheating with Reg for weeks by dropping clues. She enjoyed watching him suffer with doubt and then set him up for the "fake" discovery. His response was perfect: he gave her exactly what she gave him.

The giant plot hole is that when she rushed home and found that he didn't kill himself there is no way that she in relief would jump into the marital bed with her co-conspirator. Her goal was to feel forgiveness. She would have been frantically searching for her husband to get his forgiveness.

Another plot hole is no revenge against Reg. According to the story, Vera was supposed to be waiting at a nearby Denny's with Reg and his wife. If Reg was married, the least Gary could have done was to get the pictures of Reg to his wife. If Reg really wasn't married it is clear that Vera is a clueless fool. She would have gotten custody of the kids and the house unless she and Reg would have run off together. In real life, they would have separated and if Gary later understood how Reg manipulated her there would have been some hope for reconciliation. But that assumes that she would not have fucked Reg seconds after she believed she was responsible for her husband's suicide.

You have talent and I look forward to more from you. You improved the story even with the new problems that you created. The Reg character created too many people who would want to kill him for ruining all those marriages; the bitter lovers and cuckolded husbands.

reasonable man

impo_61impo_61over 8 years ago
I agree with some of the comments...

I agree with some of the comments...1st - she comes home crying thinking he was dead, and in seconds was fucking the lover in the marital bed, not caring anymore if he was dead or not!!! 2nd - Reg did it 5 times, with 5 different married women and none of the 5 husbands destroyed him? There are millions of ways to destroy a man without killing him...Killing him would be a blessing for Reg!!! 3rd - In what country did he live to get the children without visitation's rights to the mother? 4th - How the mother being away for so long, knew about her child graduation day? 5th - a cheating and lying woman giving her daughter moral lessons!!! Wasn't better for her to stay in her corner silent? so barely 2*

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
First off - I appreciate anyone who trys to put an end to any Edrider73 story,

He's one of the worst authors on this site, especially the endings to his stories. Unfortunately your ending had two glaring holes in it. How does a wife come rushing home, expecting to find her husband either seriously wounded or dead shift gears and fall into bed with a jackass so quickly? That seemed implausible at best. And then your ending. I know this is fiction and anyone can (and does) write anything, but the reality is that in a divorce, regardless of her infidelity, she would have gotten primary custody, child support, alimony, use of the family home until the kids graduated and probably a chunk of his retirement. To suggest otherwise is both ludicrous and unbelievable. So while I applaud your effort to finish an Edrider73 story, this failed to deliver a decent ending. UGH! for the second time to a bad ending.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Pointless

Yet another "woe is me, I'm a sad lump of crap and my wife treats me bad" sob story. This kind of drivel is straight off the Lifetime Channel. How could any real man call it erotic?

Huedogg2Huedogg2over 8 years ago
re: Pointless

AMEN

Tw0Cr0wsTw0Cr0wsover 8 years ago
too stupid

She runs home thinking that her husband killed himself over her cruel mind game, doesn't even look around for him and then half a minute later she's fucking her boyfriend.

And this makes sense?

This is a plausible story plot to you?

BoringOldGuyBoringOldGuyover 8 years ago
Too many holes

No body when she gets home, immediate sex on the marital bed just for starters. The whole "woe is me, I'll just sit in the dark & catch them" is over the top. The original story was only mildly amusing but this sequel was a waste of time.

patilliepatillieover 8 years ago
The previous commenters have posted re the

lack of credibility or reality of the tale. The wife falls in bed after rushing home expecting to see a dead or dying husband? Was that part of her plan, did she somehow know what her husband would do, and screwed Reg, so she could get his real reaction, was part of her plan?

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Oh well

A bit of a shame in that it took quite a subtle and different story idea and gave it the sledgehammer treatment by actually having physical infidelity take place. Think it might have been better to keep some uncertainty / keep the infidelity more cerebral to make the point.

LVGirlLVGirlover 8 years ago
Well Done

I had the same feeling about the way edrider73's story ended as you did - it's a good tale, but not a satisfying conclusion. You took a different tack very successfully.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Almost

You really picked up a logical thread from the original story. But you just can't overlook the logical question of how could Vera hop into bed immediately after returning home. She knew he had been there, just minutes before, even if not dead, he had to be somewhere. She did not even look around or call out his name.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
You seemed to be going somewhere with this, and then...

As so many others have stated, the very idea that she'd come home after listening to his part, not looking for a body, and falling into bed is unrealistic. That's not true. The actual word might be inane. What if he had really killed himself, what would be their reactions?

<P>

Writing Reg as a womanizer is one thing. Having him be able to hear what sounds like a suicide and seemingly without a thought to the "widow's" state up mind, secude her, makes him a sociopath. He's beyond being an asshole.

<P>

You could have had so much of the same ending just by having them realize he was also play acting and decided to do more of the same, mimicing fucking. It would have compounded her actions, making divorce even more the only way out.

<P>

In addition, by having him unable to have another relationship, you still have him as he victim. As a result, this isn't a BTB or a story where the husband doesn't stand for it. It's still basically just a variation on a cuckold story. He pays the price.

<P>

All in all, a poorly done story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Lob\ved the story and thank you for the efort

just forget the ass wipe annony!! He hates all the stories unless the woman dies!! He's brain dead and has no idea about real life

sbrooks103sbrooks103over 8 years ago
Additional Thought

As some others have said, Reg was supposedly married (she was with Reg and his "wife" at Denny's).

Where did she go when Reg Vera went to the house? She surely left with them and would probably have gone in with them, or at least wondered what they were doing in there!

And even if SOMEHOW she didn't go along or otherwise know about what they were doing, why didn't Gary send her the pictures?

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Real life?

@ Anon In the "real life" the husband does suicid in the next room and the wife does sex with her lover after it. They do feast for the suicid action!

bruce22bruce22over 8 years ago
Nice Try

to undo the pain that ED gave us, but too many enormous plotholes. His car outside,

no body, Penny where is Penny. And in the finale it runs from a realistic situation at the

end of the previous chapter to a pipe dream. (Those little girls are going to hate him)

gatorhermitgatorhermitover 8 years ago
Better than the original, but...

As others have pointed out, unrealistic that Reg could continue to destroy marriages with no retribution. One of the husbands would have some land and a backhoe.

MattblackUKMattblackUKover 8 years ago
And they didn't notice the lack of the body?

And decided to have sex when they thought hubby was dead?

That's a hole you might need to fix with a re-write.

Otherwise, a reasonable effort.

xtremeddxtremeddover 8 years ago
At least you wrote something... Comments other than authors, armchair quarterbacks.

(like me)

Good entertainment. Clearly written.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

carvohicarvohiover 8 years ago
You want to know what's wrong with this...

You finished somebody else's work. I did that once with JPB, and tried with Revelations. I enjoyed the writing, but otherwise I wasted my time. Next time do your own thing. Write something that's yours. It'll be ten times better.

Still, in spite of Matt Black's exposure of the absence of a body your ending is enjoyable. I fived ya!

Now write something of your own.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
A better ending

Here is a better ending for this story.

Hubby slips into the closet and makes a recording on his phone. Slips back out, plays it and quietly goes to get the kids.

What does the recording say?

"Vera, I do not forgive you, ever...Reg, I'm coming to kill you...A knife from the kitchen should do just fine...By the way, I left a couple of minute ago...This is a recording...

And they say nothing exciting ever happens at Denny's...

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Oh this was just stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!`

You took a story that had possibilities and really screwed it up. You're going to try and tell the reader that she thought her husband committed suicide but then jumped into bed with someone? Where was the body? Did they look around the house?

This was so ignorant I couldn't finish it.One page and I couldn't finish it.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
A big problem...

with thought he killed himself. Found no body. No joyed that he didn't actually kill himself. I think instead of seeking "comfort" in sex, more likely she would have kicked that guy in the balls a few times.

Not saying they wouldn't have gotten around to fucking as the marriage unraveled, just not then and there. Three Stars. The hole is just too big.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Some misunderstood her reaction

Many commenters are missing the point of what happened when she got home. She realized he had faked her out like she had done to him. The mental exhaustion of that experience and the weeks of being set up by the predator allowed her to make the ultimate mistake of going to bed with him.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Reg?

No revenge for Reg? Surely one of the jilted husbands would beat him to death.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago

Not good. After him faking his suicide, nothing made sense. No one reacted in,a way consistent with the story. *

jasjonjasjonover 8 years ago
1

Because that's as low as Lit will let me rate it. Actually a solid minus 3. Not very realistic and definitely no well thought out. Also no revenge on Reg.

looking4itlooking4itover 8 years ago

This doesn't make sense with the original. The fact that everyone was hurt except for Reg, who proceeded to continue your version of his actions, makes it even worse. Didn't the original have three kids? Makes your version even worse.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Huh?

So she rushed home thinking he shot himself. Gets into the bedroom to find no body, no gun and no blood and immediately bangs Reg? Makes no sense.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Ugh

At least you gave a pointer to the original story, which I had never read. Now I've read it and enjoyed it.

The sequel, though, was just... meh.

The original story was creative and unique, well-written, and interesting to read. The sequel was just a standard paint-by-numbers BTB story. Nothing original, unique, creative. Not well-written.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Not faithful to the original

Inconsistent from the original, Vera was a faithful wife whose only sin was to dupe Gary into thinking she was having an affair. Sure, Reg may have been riding on the hope of seducing her, but the author had already established the premise that she had a strong marriage. Sure, the setup was cruel, but she wanted to achieve the effect without actually doing it.

That was the whole point of the original, the author of this story has misunderstood the wife's intentions and the whole theme for that matter.

Her out-of-character shenanigans in this tale, particularly when she learns of her husband's suicide is quite frankly mind-boggling. How many women would be willing to spread their legs after hearing their husbands' supposed suicide? Even if she knew her husband's reaction was a ruse like her own, a woman with Vera's morals wouldn't seek revenge out of spite or in duress because of her 'unforgivable' principles as established in the original story.

1*

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
no connection

Ok.......let me get this right. He fakes using another gun to commit suicide, she comes home and rushes in to find him and then starts fucking reg? She never even looked for her husband, or blood, or any normal action most any other person would do(like possibly call 911).

This story has loose connections and doesn't make any sense. It was a waist of my time and your time as well. Get an editor next time to read your story before you put it on this site.

JounarJounarover 8 years ago
why did you bother?

So many plot holes and characters acting totally unbelievable. No better than the original sadly.

TwentysevenTwentysevenover 8 years ago
Just Silly

This is just silly. She's distraught that he's shot himself so she fucks the other guy? Give me a break.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
one star for one track story

As others have said, the idea that she would rush home thinking her husband had shot himself, not find a body, and then start fucking her fellow student is just stupid writing.

IMHO, a sequel dealing with how someone copes after being manipulated into believing his wife was cheating has far more potential than the one track storyline you gave us.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Poor sequel.not done very well!

The biggest let down , how could she go home after hearing him shoot himself and fuck the actor. Makes 0 sense.

SirCarlSirCarlover 8 years ago
Hell, I think....

you did good.

Harryin VAHarryin VAover 8 years ago
WHY ??????

as in WHY the fuck would anyone WANT to re do anything EdRider73 writes?

this was pretty weak

mewanglongmewanglongover 8 years ago
WTF

She goes home. Does not even look for her husband. Then goes and fucks Reg. I do not think this is the first time they fucked. The bitch got what she deserved. And got what she deserved from Reg as well. She wanted this to happen. She set Gary up for this. Good story, though

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Gave this a one star

This could have been a good story, except for a couple of things: 1. the idea his wife and Reg, thinking her husband had shot himself, would immediately look for his body. 2. As some one else mentioned Reg not only gets off scot free, but destroys other marriages.

cap5356cap5356over 8 years ago
great story

i thought this fit the other story perfectly as it kept everything in line with the first story. the only trouble i had with it was how fast she got in bed with the other guy when she still didn't know what happened to her husband. would have thought that she would have at least look a little harder for him than just in the bedroom. plus with now sign of blood anywhere she should have realized that he didn't shot himself. but well written

RhomanovRhomanovover 8 years ago
*****

While it had a few gaps, made a couple of "Huhs?", this did a great pick off of the original.

Well done.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Help

Someone needs to write a follow up were Reg gets his nuts cut off!!!

carvohicarvohiover 8 years ago
Listen to Harry...

I hate to say it because Harry is such an ass hole, but like I said earlier, write your own stuff. You'll be happier for it.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
BTB

BTB

honeylicker1124honeylicker1124over 8 years ago
Bravo!

In glancing over some of the contents, you have your usual mix of "hate it" and "loved it." I read this story when it was first posted, and I agree, I hated to see hubby sitting there in despair. I think you gave the logical conclusion, even though I hate what it did to the daughters. But if I was deceived like this, I don't think I could recover, especially with them jumping into bed together when Vera came running back home. 5 *'s

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Unfortunately, cases anywhere in North America where custody is granted....

......to the father are rarer than hen's teeth.

Then there's the obvious missing and inevitable visitation.

Finally, five years after the fact, he may still be carrying a boatload of emotional baggage, but very, very few men would not have made the effort to get laid. If finding the right girl and in a moment when defenses are down, she got through to him, he'd soon be on the high road to marriage.....or long term cohabitation, leading eventually to marriage. I did mention emotional baggage, didn't I? Once burned, twice shy...was coined for just this situation....no, really. This EXACT circumstance.

So, lost points for being a little too fantastic and so, not realistic enough.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
The examples

In Georgia the serial cheater parent will lose the children custody.

One of comment parts I read a poster wrote. He got the children custody in Missouri because the wife fucked the lover in the next room where the kids played.

In Europe the ex wives get the children custody in 99.98% but in USA about 98% this is 100 times better!

GeorgeAndersonGeorgeAndersonover 8 years agoAuthor
Thanks to all who commented...

on my Literotica debut! I had wondered how much I should explain Vera in a story told from Gary's point of view. The answer, obviously, is 'more than I did.' I had considered writing this story as a he said - she said (alternating points of view), or perhaps appending Vera's chapter in Reg's e-book "How to Seduce the 'Faithful' [sic] Wife." I can see now that either would have made it a better story: conciseness isn't everything!

I am taking commenters' advice and working on a story of my own, rather than reworking this one. But for those of you who want answers about these characters as I see them, here they are.

Vera concludes from what she heard over the tablet that Gary's body would have to be in the bedroom. It isn't there, so Gary isn't dead. Her "What have I done?" basically translates to "This didn't go the way I thought it would."

As EdRider73's story opens, it seems obvious to me that Vera has completely stopped caring about Gary. Otherwise, she would not have gone through with her plot. She wants him -- and in her self-absorption, she calls that wanting, 'love' -- but his feelings, his needs, his well-being, even the promises she made him, are unimportant to her. She just doesn't care. Thus she has no reason not to let Reg 'console' her. The contradictions in her letter are also resolved by the fact that she wants Gary but doesn't care about him.

I agree with those who commented that Gary is weak: I carried that over from the original. A stronger husband would have tried harder the previous night to hold her to their promise to tell each other everything -- a promise which, if kept, might have saved their marriage.

Gary's inability to get over Vera isn't entirely his fault. His younger daughter, who is the spitting image of her mother, is a constant reminder of everything he once loved about Vera -- and there was a lot. I think he'll get out more after his daughter leaves home.

I think that because of his weakness, her self-absorption, and their premarital history, this was never a strong marriage. I think they both realized that, hence their rules. Once she broke them, they were finished.

As for Reg: yes, one of the husbands did come after him. But Reg offered him a good deal on a house and a weekend with Penny, and now he's Reg's wingman. Bwahh-hah-hah...

Thanks again for reading and commenting!

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Your explanation is even worse than your story

Just stop writing. You suck at it.

Tw0Cr0wsTw0Cr0wsover 8 years ago
custody???

With that level of mental and emotional cruelty he could well get custody.

As the family court expression goes "For the good of the child" and that kind of callous indifference isn't good.

Too much of what she did would leave a trail of evidence for the court to ignore.

Sex on the side is one thing, deliberate harm is another.

Pappy7Pappy7over 8 years ago
Wow, you gave it

a good try but there was just too much to overcome to make it believable or acceptable. Even in story land. I understand Gary's initial inertia, but after a bit he should have been proactive and not passive/aggresive. He had to have had alarm bells going off like claxons after his talk with her, so he should have expected something. As I said in retort to edrider's pile, this level of disrespect and disregard called for anialation. An extreme nuclear reaction. Too many people involved to keep it quiet, friends, his boss and I would bet everyone in the class. Of course everyone but Vera and Reg would have just be collateral damage, but they surely should have been damaged. And the two principals should have been dealt with with extreme prejudice. A wife that would stoop to this level would have to have such a loathing for her husband that she would more than likely kill him in his sleep. And Reg just because I didn't like him. And he was a disruptive prick.

Again, good try. So far I think you are the only one brave enough to attempt to take this one farther.

Richie4110Richie4110over 8 years ago
Outstanding Ending

Your story made a good story a very good story. I agree that the original ending left me hanging as to what were the consequences of that play. Your take gave it depth of emotion. Thanks for your effort.

ParttimereaderParttimereaderover 8 years ago
Nah sorry

Not believable. Where was the body supposed to be and she never would have fallen into bed like that.

Long time penance for what she did maybe but not this

Custody unlikely also

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Dumbest story

It was too stupid to finish reading. Where was the body she was expecting to see when she walked into the bedroom? If story telling is your hobby you might want to reconsider that choice.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
1*

the original was pure idiotic crap not deserving of a sequel. this was not as bad, but almost.

LickideesplitLickideesplitover 8 years ago
Just one step

This sequel is just one step from being a five star story. Unfortunately, like the offense(s)* presented to Hubby, the step was MASSIVE! No blood, no body! Sweetie (and her Soon-To-Be-Bull) both were expecting to find the suicide of her 'true love.' Among other aspects on one or both of their minds was dealing with the childre, the community and the police. When they find no blood and no body, the issues EXPAND, rather than contract. Where is the body? How did it disappear? How do we start to figure out this shit?

Reg would NOT be expecting this to be the prime moment to finish his sexual conquest of His target. Because he is in the middle of a very confusing and impactful conundrum. Even if HE were not, he would know that Sweetie would not be sexually vulnerable in this pandemonium. Even IF Sweetie and her Bull had been sexually involved since they first met, and even IF they were planning on dropping their current spouses and marrying each other, this is NOT the circumstance in which they would get frisky!

So, like Sweetie in this story insulting Hubby, GeoAnd went WAY TOO FAR in insulting We-The-Readers credulity. Two points worth!

3*

* Offenses:

Big - screwing Reg;

Major - Dishonesty, emotional manipulation & cruelty

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
The Lack of a Body Is Huge Oversight

In the original story, a 'gunshot' and body dropping to the floor were detailed. But no body and no blood. And I agree with almost everybody else about Reg and wifey falling into bed to indulge in what? Remorse sex, not knowing where her gun-happy husband was or if he would show up unexpectedly and be in the mood to put bullets into both of their adulterous bodies? Phone pictures in darkened room? I do approve of the lateral transfer in his job. I agree that he had a strong case for full custody of both girls. I have seen fathers be awarded full custody of children with far less substantiated evidence. A local judge recently awarded full custody of all three children of the girlfriend of a meth head to the guy, and one child was hers by another man, after they broke up. So...the father getting full custody over a brutal, adulterous woman is a no-brainer. Still too many flaws. And quit trying to show the wifey as repentant.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 8 years ago
eh?

no body? no blood? and yet shes so turned on by her husbands possible suicide that she needs cock imediately? maybe they would have liked to do it over her husbands corpse? dripping their love juices all over his still warm dead body?

vastiesmith2vastiesmith2about 8 years ago
I don't know about fucking over the husband's body dear annony

but I'd spit on your grave. Gave this a 5

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 8 years ago
1*

edrider is a sick fuck. so is GeorgeAnderson. two fags.

vastiesmith2vastiesmith2almost 8 years ago
5

to offset the old fat ugly asshole of LIT's 1 vote

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 8 years ago
1*

Vote 1* for every story rated by THE FAT WHORE (that's what her clients call her) aka BONNIE/VASTIE aka ANON!

EgoTrixiEgoTrixialmost 8 years ago
"But Gary, all I wanted was to get your real reaction..."

she tried to excuse herself. Only proper answer; "Well...you got it!"

telboy17telboy17almost 8 years ago
More stupid that the original

Good reply by faking the suicide. Then it went downhill fast and stupid things started happening.

1. There was no body and they didn't get suspicious.

2. They rutted when he must have been nearby

3. He got custody of the kids.

sbrooks103sbrooks103almost 8 years ago
His Body

One thing puzzles me - he pretended to kill himself, they came back to the house and didn't wonder where his body was?

OnethirdOnethirdalmost 8 years ago
Full circle

Good emotions. Sure, screwing Reg right after not finding a body was silly and implausible. Perhaps some dialogue and convincing her about why her husband ran out on her would have made the seduction more real. Oh well. I still got the emotional impact, however flawed. I am drawn to stories where the wife isn't an air headed slut, but has a fatal step that leads to her downfall. That part was good, and the aftermath of fallout was appropriate. Good job.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 8 years ago
... and Mindy dropped the letter in the white bowl, where it belonged and flushed....

set a dump on it too !?, naaahh, not worth enough

Anyway your story is not bad at all.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
1*

stupid cuck shit.

VapspegeoVapspegeoover 7 years ago
WHY?

Why add to a poor storyline with more of the same dim stuff. There is nothing more to add.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
hey nice try

Any time wife chooses to spend a good deal of time with another man she will end up cheating. You let her and Reg succeed and Gary be destroyed. Sad but that is realistic end.

Facebook profile of dearbornmt@yahoo.com

True life serial cheater feels no guilt Her 3rd husband is destroyed and humiliated. She did lose college instructor in Helena Montana position though but she last worked for Secretary of State-Montana. Better job may pay still highly regarded narcissistic borderline personality though. In my opinion sociopath. Has staed she enjoys being cruel hateful and causing destruction in other lives.

Believe the profile is an attempt at karma. Check it out

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
1*

georgie the cuck.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Figures the fucked up moderators purge low scores for this pathetic piece of shit. But wait isn't this really 'aka" MattM.

Henceforth, the same moderators are to chicken shit to create a cuck/wimp category. Stupid idiots!

kimi1990kimi1990over 7 years ago
@anonymous "Figures."

Dude, what's your problem? How many times are you going to leave that same comment? You didn't like the story. You don't like any story, we get it. Leaving the same comment over and over isn't clever, it's just asinine. Why can't you be polite and quit being so profane? Just say, "I didn't like this story. The plot sucked and you made a bunch of mistakes." Why the outrage?

It was a very credible finish to a story that the original author really screwed up. Of course, all that author's stories are really screwed up. You did an excellent job with what you had to work with. You're a very good writer. No wonder the story you wrote with Randi was so good. 4.81, last time I looked. Lit! I hope your write more of your own stories. I though "Fridays" was very well written.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago

So everyone will know the scores are shit and you stand a better chance of your opinion being used if you vote 2 instead of one. Get over it asshole I ca write what I want.

2 because it is the lowest score the computer will recognize in rating. -1 is ignored. At times you might see a 1 something, but it will disappear quickly. Some writers never have a score lower than 4 counted. The cheating fat cunt laurel fucks with all the scores. That is why some of the previous low scores are so high now, they were recompiled with the -1 and even 2 and 3 dropped. Think of how many 5 you need to get to offset a -1 and be above 4.5. That presumes no 2 and 3 either.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Thank you

The way the previous story ended was just all kinds of messed up. While I think that her cheating on him with Reg after the gunshot was a little heavy, I do thank you for giving it a different spin, there had to be some consequences for her actions. Too bad Reg didn't receive any punishment and that the two kids got to have a broken home from all that mess.

Not perfect, and a bit of a rushed ending but a good ending. Thank you

0zed0zedover 7 years ago
Pretty Bad

She thinks her husband killed himself, rushed home, found no body, so she starts screwing Reg. Just NOT believable even for a WAACC.

Then you write he is too much of a wimp to get on with his life and remarry.

Your neurosis is getting in the way of your writing. Better get some help or quit writing.

tazz317tazz317over 7 years ago
#2 I WONDER WHY SHE DIDNT TRY

Pat Boones Friendly Persuasion. TK U MLJ LV NV

kimi1990kimi1990over 7 years ago
Idiotic comment crap

Jesus, dude, you've read three of GA's stories and written the same comment. Why do you keep reading? Give it a rest.

fisheronefisheroneover 7 years ago
Wavering marriage

First off note said penny was with them.

Secondly she would have found body before sex.

Third I think he would have stepped out and beat the crap out of him before seducer even got all the way inside room. Then I would deal with wife.

Vera would have a new outlook on life if she wanted to stay married.

But I guarantee you that reg would not even consider undressing in my room.

robinhodrobinhodover 7 years ago
I've read all four stories.

Luckily I read them in alpha order, which made this the last. If I'd gone by date order I wouldn't have read past this one. It has good grammar and spelling but is a rubbish story.

Just goes to show how practice improves.

You can be very good indeed Mr Anderson. More please.

chilleywilleychilleywilleyover 7 years ago
Good story

With a weak ending, however, . I can't think of a better one, given the lead in. So them fucking in a room with a missing body is the suspension of belief.

i think you painted yourself into a corner

Worth the read

chilley

gara5289gara5289over 7 years ago

Great story but the only issue is them getting it on when there should be at minimum a blood splatter if not a body in the room. Not to mention probably calling an ambulance or the cops. I still think the story would've gone where you took it but that middle part was just weird.

Seriously, who would want to have sex in the bedroom where your spouse just killed themselves 10 minutes before.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
am i missing something?

no dead husband with his brains splattered all over the bed so they decided to fuck?

or was it dark and they wanted to fuck over the top of her husbands still warm corpse?

Old_biker_dudeOld_biker_dudeover 7 years ago
still sucked

Ending was bogus

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