Strange Car in the Driveway: Sequel

Well...

I definitely loved it better than the original, mostly cuz the first on infuriated me beyond words. I do have a bit of a problem with the bit where after running in the house neither Vera or her bastard wondered where Greg's body was and just immediately decided to fuck right there. For them to just be so callous about it especially when someones life might have ended must mean that they have the morals of demons. Also how easily they fell into bed together suggests that this wasn't the first time they had adulterous sex. I welcome any actual ending to Edrider's stories... mostly cause his endings are either abrupt or sickeningly enraging. I hate to sound like a BTB-er but I don't really feel that the bastard and manipulator suffered at all, hell he's literally making a career out of breaking up marriages. HOW HAS NOONE TRIED TO KILL HIM IN ANGER YET?!!
3/5

Fair Enough

She got what she asked for. In the end she was still lying to herself, " "I didn't think then that a single act, however selfish and cruel, could devastate another person that much. I should have known better: it can, and it cost me everything I loved. Please learn from my bitter experience." - Her husband had told her that cheating was a deal breaker, she tortured him with it, and then actually cheated. Then went on to continue the relationship without remorse. Her actions were unloving and un-remorseful. Sadly, with the exception of her walking away from the kids, this is a realistic trajectory of some marriages. Most women would want their kids and fight for them, if only for their motherly ego's.
"Gary never got over Vera. He dated a few times after the divorce, but that only served to convince him that Vera - or Vera as she used to be - was indeed the only woman he ever wanted." - This martyr stuff is silly, the actions of his ex-wife should have dispelled that fantasy - he was still lying to himself as well. Relationships and marriage take a lot of work, he just didn't want to put the time in. Playing the pitiful injured husband husband and father is pathetic and does not set a good example for your kids. He was actually hurting his kids by not moving on. You have to lead by example when you are a parent. Their unloving mother left them behind, and destroyed her own life. Their father hid from the adult world and clung to his daughters - holding them back emotionally from moving on. Selfish and pathetic.

Made No Sense

So she thinks her husband just suicided in the bedroom, but there is no body, so they decide to screw each others brains out, but she really loves her husband. Give me a break! One Star

Only one suggestion ....

.... when Vera signed her name at the end of the story "Your mother" it should have also included "a cheating, despicable, WHORE & CUNT"!

THE MOTHER LIONESS

always tries to protect her cubs. TK U MLJ LV NV

Sad ex husband story

First it all I gave 5*****.
Second I think THE MOST MISTAKE OF THE LOVING WIVES DID NOT DIVIDE INTO TWO HUBS IS THE FEW POSITIVE END CHEATING WIFE STORIES.
This story is the part of the sad ex husband stories which I think mistake. A Marriage Strife hub could attract authors to write long romantic end to the cheating wife stories.
I wrote a lot........

Duna

It was good up until the sex. If Vera actually was so in love with him there is no way she'd have sex in the same room her husband just killed himself in 10 minutes before. And even if she wasn't, neither her or Reg are stupid enough to not notice the lack of blood and brains all over the wall. That part to me just interrupted the flow of a good sequel to an interesting story.

What i didn't like....

What i didn't like in this story is very simple: Reg kept fucking married women and destroying their marriages, and not one of the husband destroyed him!!! I could belive that only one or two like the weak man of the story, but 5 husbands and not one destroyed him? I can understand this one...He had children to raise, but all 5 were just like him? That's what make this story a bad ending...2*

where is this city

wives are whores and hubby are wimps.somebody should've broke reg neck.

Why pine over a slut? It made me lower your score.....many people move on from sluts.


Also, if you want an idea for a good story how bout the 4th husband kills Reg and tortures the teacher

This story is a good example of letting the desired end justify the contrived means.

The problem is character consistency, and logical behavior. People who were drugged up whores and cockhounds in their early years don't morph into stable virtuous contemplative icons of marriage and parenthood, without experiencing incredible guilt, remorse, and spiritual life changing events. You can't just turn off the "stupid behavior" switch, and turn on the good one. So the premise in the first story is lame. So both characters grew up hurting themselves, and others, and made incredible efforts to embrace new values, self-respect, and moral/ethical behavior.

But then the wife takes a writing class and not only forgets what she learned in her youth, but also takes for granted what she now has in terms of spouse, children, and life style? And she wants to create a scenario that will cause her husband such intense pain and mental anguish? And then, thinking the husband has killed himself, decides to fuck this classmate, who apparently is a predator and seduced her, and knowing this she then continues to fuck him?

Its all too contrived and illogical. Which makes the story curious, that an author actually thinks such chain of events is believable. Its not, expect for the very simple minded and low threshold readers.

So thanks for the effort, but I found the story too contrived and illogical to be entertaining.

for a one pager...

You manage a few nice lines. Let's see:
"Yes I believe you love me, but not enough" and etc.

Ed ALWAYS explores the use of diabolicle mind games in his stories. Here, you allow Gary to call her out for them in a way Ed never seems to manage. Just the very IDEA of wanting to play these kind of mind games is enough to end the marriage. That she actually fucked Reg, and most likely had been all along...well, it would have been enough too. But COMBINED with the mind games? It really seems to take the betrayal to the next level. Most times ANY betrayal is unforgivable, but these rather heinous examples? Sure Gary is fucked up over it, but I get a sense that his pain is more from lonliness and a reluctance to trust again. It isn't because he has any regrets over getting the fuck away from Vera!

I agree that the worst part of this follow-up is the unlikely nature of Vera and Reg rushing in from Denny's, seeing NO DEAD BODY, and then just falling into bed. It was as if they KNEW he was watching, and WANTED to give him the full show. It doesn't make sense in any way. We leave the original thinking that YES, she probably had been fucking Reg, and the elaborite taped play set-up is nothing more than mind-fucked alibi. I think that you could have explained (without adding too much length) what the ACTUAL nature of the adultery was. And in the confrontation explain why the hell she races back in concern only to ignore any of those feelings and fall into bed within two minutes of getting to the house? The best I can figure is they REALIZED the gunshot sound was a dupe, and then CHECKED the house thinking he nust have left. Even if they overlook the closet in their haste, how were they able to ignore his CAR still being there, unable to be garaged because of the rent a wreck in the driveway? They KNEW he didn't leave, he obviously wasn't dead, so what the hell did they THINK happened to him? I'm not the only person to point out that this is the huge plot hole that destroys this flash story attempt. Without addressing this in any meaningful way, it makes it too hard to swallow any of the rest of it.
Sure you gave us a one line excuse:
"But Gary, I was frantic, I was worried, I wasn't thinking straight, he took advantage of me. How can you hold this against me?"
And Yes, Gary dismatles that for ALL of the BS that it is, but it never offers a window into what was really going on in her head. Even if it is true that none of that matches up with what was ACTUALLY said in the moment while Gary was still in the closet:
"Oh yes, that's just right" and "are you naked yet?" Sure sounds Fantic and Worried to me! It seems that the only seduction old Reg needed to do was to open her shirt and suck on a titty.....
But even so, WHY? when they knew he was still in the house?

Alright, you get the point. Thanks for trying to follow up with a better ending to an Ed story, they usually NEED some of that, LOL. Unfortunately, this could have been a little better thought out, and just wasn't as effective as you were hoping. Sorry.

But don't give up. I'd like to read more from you. Good Luck on the next........

Thougts

Doesn’t she wonder why his body isn’t there?

I find it hard to believe that she had NO visitation with her daughters! Even him getting full custody is a rarity, even if she had had multiple affairs, which she hadn’t.

Missing revenge on Reg and a huge plot hole

I gave it 4 stars. You improved the story and Gary's revenge on his wife for her cruelty was perfect. She intended to cause him discomfort and worry about her cheating with Reg for weeks by dropping clues. She enjoyed watching him suffer with doubt and then set him up for the "fake" discovery. His response was perfect: he gave her exactly what she gave him.

The giant plot hole is that when she rushed home and found that he didn't kill himself there is no way that she in relief would jump into the marital bed with her co-conspirator. Her goal was to feel forgiveness. She would have been frantically searching for her husband to get his forgiveness.

Another plot hole is no revenge against Reg. According to the story, Vera was supposed to be waiting at a nearby Denny's with Reg and his wife. If Reg was married, the least Gary could have done was to get the pictures of Reg to his wife. If Reg really wasn't married it is clear that Vera is a clueless fool. She would have gotten custody of the kids and the house unless she and Reg would have run off together. In real life, they would have separated and if Gary later understood how Reg manipulated her there would have been some hope for reconciliation. But that assumes that she would not have fucked Reg seconds after she believed she was responsible for her husband's suicide.

You have talent and I look forward to more from you. You improved the story even with the new problems that you created. The Reg character created too many people who would want to kill him for ruining all those marriages; the bitter lovers and cuckolded husbands.

reasonable man

I agree with some of the comments...

I agree with some of the comments...1st - she comes home crying thinking he was dead, and in seconds was fucking the lover in the marital bed, not caring anymore if he was dead or not!!! 2nd - Reg did it 5 times, with 5 different married women and none of the 5 husbands destroyed him? There are millions of ways to destroy a man without killing him...Killing him would be a blessing for Reg!!! 3rd - In what country did he live to get the children without visitation's rights to the mother? 4th - How the mother being away for so long, knew about her child graduation day? 5th - a cheating and lying woman giving her daughter moral lessons!!! Wasn't better for her to stay in her corner silent? so barely 2*

First off - I appreciate anyone who trys to put an end to any Edrider73 story,

He's one of the worst authors on this site, especially the endings to his stories. Unfortunately your ending had two glaring holes in it. How does a wife come rushing home, expecting to find her husband either seriously wounded or dead shift gears and fall into bed with a jackass so quickly? That seemed implausible at best. And then your ending. I know this is fiction and anyone can (and does) write anything, but the reality is that in a divorce, regardless of her infidelity, she would have gotten primary custody, child support, alimony, use of the family home until the kids graduated and probably a chunk of his retirement. To suggest otherwise is both ludicrous and unbelievable. So while I applaud your effort to finish an Edrider73 story, this failed to deliver a decent ending. UGH! for the second time to a bad ending.

Pointless

Yet another "woe is me, I'm a sad lump of crap and my wife treats me bad" sob story. This kind of drivel is straight off the Lifetime Channel. How could any real man call it erotic?

re: Pointless

AMEN

too stupid

She runs home thinking that her husband killed himself over her cruel mind game, doesn't even look around for him and then half a minute later she's fucking her boyfriend.
And this makes sense?
This is a plausible story plot to you?

Too many holes

No body when she gets home, immediate sex on the marital bed just for starters. The whole "woe is me, I'll just sit in the dark & catch them" is over the top. The original story was only mildly amusing but this sequel was a waste of time.

The previous commenters have posted re the

lack of credibility or reality of the tale. The wife falls in bed after rushing home expecting to see a dead or dying husband? Was that part of her plan, did she somehow know what her husband would do, and screwed Reg, so she could get his real reaction, was part of her plan?

Oh well

A bit of a shame in that it took quite a subtle and different story idea and gave it the sledgehammer treatment by actually having physical infidelity take place. Think it might have been better to keep some uncertainty / keep the infidelity more cerebral to make the point.

Well Done

I had the same feeling about the way edrider73's story ended as you did - it's a good tale, but not a satisfying conclusion. You took a different tack very successfully.

Almost

You really picked up a logical thread from the original story. But you just can't overlook the logical question of how could Vera hop into bed immediately after returning home. She knew he had been there, just minutes before, even if not dead, he had to be somewhere. She did not even look around or call out his name.

You seemed to be going somewhere with this, and then...

As so many others have stated, the very idea that she'd come home after listening to his part, not looking for a body, and falling into bed is unrealistic. That's not true. The actual word might be inane. What if he had really killed himself, what would be their reactions?

Writing Reg as a womanizer is one thing. Having him be able to hear what sounds like a suicide and seemingly without a thought to the "widow's" state up mind, secude her, makes him a sociopath. He's beyond being an asshole.

You could have had so much of the same ending just by having them realize he was also play acting and decided to do more of the same, mimicing fucking. It would have compounded her actions, making divorce even more the only way out.

In addition, by having him unable to have another relationship, you still have him as he victim. As a result, this isn't a BTB or a story where the husband doesn't stand for it. It's still basically just a variation on a cuckold story. He pays the price.

All in all, a poorly done story.

Lob\ved the story and thank you for the efort

just forget the ass wipe annony!! He hates all the stories unless the woman dies!! He's brain dead and has no idea about real life

Additional Thought

As some others have said, Reg was supposedly married (she was with Reg and his "wife" at Denny's).

Where did she go when Reg Vera went to the house? She surely left with them and would probably have gone in with them, or at least wondered what they were doing in there!

And even if SOMEHOW she didn't go along or otherwise know about what they were doing, why didn't Gary send her the pictures?

Real life?

@ Anon In the "real life" the husband does suicid in the next room and the wife does sex with her lover after it. They do feast for the suicid action!

Nice Try

to undo the pain that ED gave us, but too many enormous plotholes. His car outside,
no body, Penny where is Penny. And in the finale it runs from a realistic situation at the
end of the previous chapter to a pipe dream. (Those little girls are going to hate him)

Better than the original, but...

As others have pointed out, unrealistic that Reg could continue to destroy marriages with no retribution. One of the husbands would have some land and a backhoe.

It's**

A read.

And they didn't notice the lack of the body?

And decided to have sex when they thought hubby was dead?

That's a hole you might need to fix with a re-write.

Otherwise, a reasonable effort.

At least you wrote something... Comments other than authors, armchair quarterbacks.

(like me)

Good entertainment. Clearly written.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

You want to know what's wrong with this...

You finished somebody else's work. I did that once with JPB, and tried with Revelations. I enjoyed the writing, but otherwise I wasted my time. Next time do your own thing. Write something that's yours. It'll be ten times better.

Still, in spite of Matt Black's exposure of the absence of a body your ending is enjoyable. I fived ya!

Now write something of your own.

A better ending

Here is a better ending for this story.
Hubby slips into the closet and makes a recording on his phone. Slips back out, plays it and quietly goes to get the kids.
What does the recording say?
"Vera, I do not forgive you, ever...Reg, I'm coming to kill you...A knife from the kitchen should do just fine...By the way, I left a couple of minute ago...This is a recording...
And they say nothing exciting ever happens at Denny's...

Oh this was just stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!`

You took a story that had possibilities and really screwed it up. You're going to try and tell the reader that she thought her husband committed suicide but then jumped into bed with someone? Where was the body? Did they look around the house?
This was so ignorant I couldn't finish it.One page and I couldn't finish it.

A big problem...

with thought he killed himself. Found no body. No joyed that he didn't actually kill himself. I think instead of seeking "comfort" in sex, more likely she would have kicked that guy in the balls a few times.

Not saying they wouldn't have gotten around to fucking as the marriage unraveled, just not then and there. Three Stars. The hole is just too big.

Some misunderstood her reaction

Many commenters are missing the point of what happened when she got home. She realized he had faked her out like she had done to him. The mental exhaustion of that experience and the weeks of being set up by the predator allowed her to make the ultimate mistake of going to bed with him.

Reg?

No revenge for Reg? Surely one of the jilted husbands would beat him to death.

Not good. After him faking his suicide, nothing made sense. No one reacted in,a way consistent with the story. *

1

Because that's as low as Lit will let me rate it. Actually a solid minus 3. Not very realistic and definitely no well thought out. Also no revenge on Reg.

This doesn't make sense with the original. The fact that everyone was hurt except for Reg, who proceeded to continue your version of his actions, makes it even worse. Didn't the original have three kids? Makes your version even worse.

Huh?

So she rushed home thinking he shot himself. Gets into the bedroom to find no body, no gun and no blood and immediately bangs Reg? Makes no sense.

Ugh

At least you gave a pointer to the original story, which I had never read. Now I've read it and enjoyed it.

The sequel, though, was just... meh.

The original story was creative and unique, well-written, and interesting to read. The sequel was just a standard paint-by-numbers BTB story. Nothing original, unique, creative. Not well-written.

Not faithful to the original

Inconsistent from the original, Vera was a faithful wife whose only sin was to dupe Gary into thinking she was having an affair. Sure, Reg may have been riding on the hope of seducing her, but the author had already established the premise that she had a strong marriage. Sure, the setup was cruel, but she wanted to achieve the effect without actually doing it.

That was the whole point of the original, the author of this story has misunderstood the wife's intentions and the whole theme for that matter.

Her out-of-character shenanigans in this tale, particularly when she learns of her husband's suicide is quite frankly mind-boggling. How many women would be willing to spread their legs after hearing their husbands' supposed suicide? Even if she knew her husband's reaction was a ruse like her own, a woman with Vera's morals wouldn't seek revenge out of spite or in duress because of her 'unforgivable' principles as established in the original story.

1*

no connection

Ok.......let me get this right. He fakes using another gun to commit suicide, she comes home and rushes in to find him and then starts fucking reg? She never even looked for her husband, or blood, or any normal action most any other person would do(like possibly call 911).
This story has loose connections and doesn't make any sense. It was a waist of my time and your time as well. Get an editor next time to read your story before you put it on this site.

why did you bother?

So many plot holes and characters acting totally unbelievable. No better than the original sadly.

Just Silly

This is just silly. She's distraught that he's shot himself so she fucks the other guy? Give me a break.

one star for one track story

As others have said, the idea that she would rush home thinking her husband had shot himself, not find a body, and then start fucking her fellow student is just stupid writing.

IMHO, a sequel dealing with how someone copes after being manipulated into believing his wife was cheating has far more potential than the one track storyline you gave us.

Poor sequel.not done very well!

The biggest let down , how could she go home after hearing him shoot himself and fuck the actor. Makes 0 sense.