what to make of this story. I think you moved a little too fast and didn't do a whole lot to develop the story at all. Do things like, get deeper into their conversation at the fire pit, with innocent flirting and Andrew making her laugh and such. Realistically, nobody just goes with a stranger who starts ordering them around after sitting there in silence for an hour. Having that be the premise really takes away from what could be an excellent story and a captivating read.
I really like this story, but she can't consent when she's drunk. It would have been much better if he had waited until she's sober. If she really wanted it then the teasing would drive her mad and make her want him more.
English
Great Beginning
Can't wait to read more. Hope the next chapter is more lengthy.
Really great start! I hope you continue =)
More Please
This is great as far a it goes. please develop more and how she finds out he is a Dom and her response. She might find it quite freeing.
Not Sure
what to make of this story. I think you moved a little too fast and didn't do a whole lot to develop the story at all. Do things like, get deeper into their conversation at the fire pit, with innocent flirting and Andrew making her laugh and such. Realistically, nobody just goes with a stranger who starts ordering them around after sitting there in silence for an hour. Having that be the premise really takes away from what could be an excellent story and a captivating read.
I agree
The other comments are right, MORE DIALOG. But this is a fantastic idea and I'd love to see if she goes along well, Miss Independent
Concerned about consent
I really like this story, but she can't consent when she's drunk. It would have been much better if he had waited until she's sober. If she really wanted it then the teasing would drive her mad and make her want him more.
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