This story really should have been given to an editor for a proofreading. I had to read the same lines over and over to understand what was going on because of confusing sentence structure and misplaced/missing punctuation.
Also, you ought to have written this in the third person point of view because switching back and forth between Violet's and Visitor's "eyes" practically every few sentences is very annoying.
English
Where?
I'm always looking for sexual Roleplaying, just like this... Where (on the internet) did you do this stuff?
Iffy
This story really should have been given to an editor for a proofreading. I had to read the same lines over and over to understand what was going on because of confusing sentence structure and misplaced/missing punctuation.
Also, you ought to have written this in the third person point of view because switching back and forth between Violet's and Visitor's "eyes" practically every few sentences is very annoying.
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