All Comments on 'Ellie's Journey Pt. 01'

...Please continue the journey, the fun is infectious. Cheers! --- Josie

Too much focus on clothes, too little focus on the feelings the kid would be having, even if they're not clearly defined, anyone undergoing that kind of life change is going to FEEL a lot more.

I agree with Joey. Was a multitude of emotions bubbling within me at the time. A fun story though. Xxxx penny

Look forward to more, thank you :-)

Jerry xoxo

... a lot better. I'm glad you took the time to rewrite it and took into consideration some of the user's comments.

Well Done 5/5 and faved.

The first page slips in and out of past and present indicative case.

Kinda does odd things to the flow.

Also - while editing by spellchecker is a good start, "Dew knot trussed spill chick two ketch awl miss steaks." In this case, "sequence" for "sequins" is actually sorta amusing.

I am NOT trying to be a grammar nazi here - it's just that those are the biggest things i could find to point out in a story that seems to be starting out extremely well.

I like the clothes detail, it makes it realistic.

Please write more soon, I am a fan of your work. I can't wait.