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damn good
This chapter was much better than the previous one
you have improved a lot of damn things
MORE!!!!!! PLEASE
This story is the bomb keep it up!
much better
This was so much better then the first one.
Also how many chapters do you think this story might be?
well.
this is some good stuff.
really liked it.
but i hope this is enough beating around the bush. i think acheron is overdue to meet with his love.
and another thing i might add. i read a qoute somewhere about writing was something like, "Don't tell the readers, show them."
hope you know what i'm saying :)
be quick
loving it
Looking forward to more
Another good installment in the story. You are still repeating yourself quite a bit. For example, you REALLY hammered home how important Breal found his mission. As well as the possible outcomes repeatedly.
I'm anxious for the next installment, and really hope for an update about Trissieal.
Thanks for writing!
Damn.......
Nyc story. I like the way the story is progressing but at least let us know what is happening to the fallen queen and her son
Devoid of all emotions
I would like to request that you use this phrase much more sparingly:
"With a _(voice/face/etc.)_ devoid of all emotion.."
You seem to like it. That is ok. But you use it too frequently.
It would be better if you mix it up a little. For example, you can use "stoically", "emotionless","bland", "blank look", or "an unreadable expression".
This is a great story that would make a great movie!
Powerful story with precise imagery. Looking forward to your next chapter. Well done!
Love this story, buuttt...
You way overdo the descriptions and you neglect dialogue. This makes for an incredibly slow pace that loses the reader's interest quickly. I mean, when stuff goes down it is great, but it takes too long to happen. At this point I've been waiting for the lovers to be reunited and it is just taking way too damn long! It started off so strong and now its just kind of drifting off into subplots instead of making head way in the main plot. I love this story and it's plot, and your writing is amazing, but I just want it to not read so slow.
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